It's not what you get it's what you give.
I was lying in bed that night thinking about why a young man has to get cancer and trying to get the answers but as usual nothing came to mind. It is so hard to make sense of some of the things that happen to us and the people we care about. The dynamics of it all. When you are young you always think or even blurt out something like they were old so it was time. Is this true? The older I get the more and more I realize this isn't the case. We are still the same person the older we get just a little worn. Parts begin to break down and at times our bodies like to attack us for no good reason. I know for me as a Christian the simple answer is because of the garden and Adam and Eve making a wrong choice but why the heck do we all have to pay for their stupidity? Sin, that's why, I guess. It is is what it is. It isn't worth arguing about, it just is. The earth is plagued with it and it seems worse and worse as the years pass. I don't know the answer to all of it but I sure wish I did.
It's not what you get it's what you give.
As I laid there last night worrying about Mike I also thought to myself about the bitter fact that when someone gets sick it affects so many people. The ripple effect. Mike's in the middle, the start of the ripple, and all around him are the people who love him suffering right along. Watching my husband suffering as his brother, best friend, and right hand man is ill. I thought about that and how love has a way of ripping your heart out of your chest and at times there isn't much you can do about it except hurt. But then, just as the sadness was there the light was also shinning so bright. The light of love. Love from those around you and from those with whom you would never expect a thing from. My sister in laws mother who battled lung cancer talking to Mike and his wife. The friend from church who has battled lung cancer and has taken the time to reach out even when her pain is still so raw from her cancer journey. The people at work ready to step up and help Rich to fill in the gap of Mike's absence. Means so much to Rich. The goodness that surrounds you that you don't know is there until something bad happens. We all must use what happens to us to make the world a better place and so many people do. Thankful! I must admit just when something happens to make me never want to leave the house again God once again takes the reins and shows me the goodness. I begin to look back on the bad experiences I may have had out in the world and it sort of makes me giggle. Stupid people driving and whipping me off? Seriously? My brother in law has cancer, and I hate to say it, but the sinner in me yelled asshole to the driver. Sinner! Yup! I'm at the front of the line on that one. I always say when I meet the Lord I am going to ask him why would you want me here? I am one of the worst sinners of all. Then I remember oh ya the cross. It's pretty cut and dry for a Christian the hard part is living it without becoming one of them, the guy who whipped me off, or me the one who called him an asshole and me who wanted to go follow him and give him a piece of my mind. I lay my body at the cross and ask for the forgiveness I surely do not deserve. Pretty sure I'll do it again and again and again.
I thought about chronic illness and how this all intertwines. I began to think about the worst diagnosis ever, cancer, and how everyone goes into save mode. It's like the person diagnosed is dead before anything has even been discussed. Curious to me but it is human nature. I thought about the chronic illness diagnosis and how we hide it because we know people are going to say things like, oh you have arthritis welcome to the club we all do its part of aging and the other stupid comments people make. I believe we must learn to put ourselves in the place of the ill no matter what they are suffering from. Compassion. Empathy. Chronic illness doesn't carry a death sentence to most people so why do they care? Cancer, now that is a different story. It is so sad because I know of people right now who are fighting for their lives because of autoimmune diseases. How can we look down on that suffering as being in a different category? I struggle with this everyday as I pull farther and farther away from people because they don't want to hear it. Sad but true.
In the end it is not about illness it is about people. Cancer, autoimmune, heart disease, or any other diseases people are dealing with that might be attacking their body. We must love, care, and give. Give out a piece of our heart as those are doing right now for Mike in his time of need. It doesn't have to be much it can be a thought, a prayer, a meal, a gift card, a listening ear or should I say an understanding ear,not a judging ear. Whatever it is you have to give just give it. People will be touched by your outpouring of love and who knows it might help them make sense of what is happening to them as they struggle and I can guarantee you will learn something too. Like I always say, you cannot help everyone but you can help someone. Believe in someone. The lonely. The old. The suffering. Why else are we here?
God Bless!
Dianne
Monday, April 14, 2014
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
When The Storms of Life Hit
Our family has had a week that has been somewhat of a roller coaster ride when it comes to health issues. Last week Addi, my brother and Rich's brother all had health issue. I am happy and relieved to report that both Addi and my brother are recovering well. It is such a relief when the people closest to your heart make it through health issues when you really have no idea how they be after the surgeries or hospitalizations. We worry and fret over all of it but we are thankful this week for Addi and Dave feeling better.
Last week at the same time Rich's brother was having issues with a cough which they thought was a lung infection but we received not such good news yesterday as he/we found out what they thought was a lung infection turned out to be cancer. Yesterday was the brick day. You know those days? You are slammed down with something and it just feels like a brick hit you square in the face. You are swimming in your thoughts, the thoughts you cannot control. The bad thoughts that try to take over and tell you the worst case scenario. I always wonder why we go to that place first. Human nature? It really makes no sense what so ever but for some reason we do it. Is it because of all the hurts we have had in the past and for some reason it is so much easier to do the crap self talk over the self talk of hope and love? Personally after the almost eight years of being ill and never knowing what is going to happen from day to day I have learned to do more of the hope and love talk. I have learned if I don't I will be eaten alive by the crap. I must cloud out that garbage and remember there is still good in so many situations even when I think of only the bad.
In all honesty? If you know Rich's brother, Mike, at all you know he is as bullheaded as they come. A true fighter. If anyone will kick some cancers ass it will be him. It is a scary unknown road ahead for all and the plan of life will be altered for some time. How long? Who knows. I guess that isn't up to us. The way I see it is if we still have air coming into our lungs we are here for a reason. To live life, ill or not. People get cancer everyday and people beat cancer everyday. I recall reading quite a few years back that more that 90% of those who are diagnosed with cancer beat it. Those odds are odds of hope, not despair. I have also learned and witnessed what cancer does to people. It is really amazing. Relationships become stronger in many instances. Happy times become even more joyful even in the midst of treatments. Love. Yes, love. It is heavy in the room when you are with a cancer patient and their families or even a survivor. Cancer changes not only the person with it but those who surround them and love them. It is a lesson of sorts maybe that we don't take everything for granted. I know I do. I always assume Rich is just going to be there but in an instant that can change. We live life like that when things are normal and not rocky. If the boat isn't being rocked then we just live in some sort of a cloud. We complain about the absolute stupidest things that really mean nothing at all. We get depressed if we don't have something we want or if we can't do something instead of enjoying the moment and really truly loving those around us. I am guilty I know that. I could go on and on but I will save more for later brain overload as I try to process all of this.
We go on from here and take it one day at a time but most of all we keep the HOPE!
God Bless!
Dianne
Last week at the same time Rich's brother was having issues with a cough which they thought was a lung infection but we received not such good news yesterday as he/we found out what they thought was a lung infection turned out to be cancer. Yesterday was the brick day. You know those days? You are slammed down with something and it just feels like a brick hit you square in the face. You are swimming in your thoughts, the thoughts you cannot control. The bad thoughts that try to take over and tell you the worst case scenario. I always wonder why we go to that place first. Human nature? It really makes no sense what so ever but for some reason we do it. Is it because of all the hurts we have had in the past and for some reason it is so much easier to do the crap self talk over the self talk of hope and love? Personally after the almost eight years of being ill and never knowing what is going to happen from day to day I have learned to do more of the hope and love talk. I have learned if I don't I will be eaten alive by the crap. I must cloud out that garbage and remember there is still good in so many situations even when I think of only the bad.
In all honesty? If you know Rich's brother, Mike, at all you know he is as bullheaded as they come. A true fighter. If anyone will kick some cancers ass it will be him. It is a scary unknown road ahead for all and the plan of life will be altered for some time. How long? Who knows. I guess that isn't up to us. The way I see it is if we still have air coming into our lungs we are here for a reason. To live life, ill or not. People get cancer everyday and people beat cancer everyday. I recall reading quite a few years back that more that 90% of those who are diagnosed with cancer beat it. Those odds are odds of hope, not despair. I have also learned and witnessed what cancer does to people. It is really amazing. Relationships become stronger in many instances. Happy times become even more joyful even in the midst of treatments. Love. Yes, love. It is heavy in the room when you are with a cancer patient and their families or even a survivor. Cancer changes not only the person with it but those who surround them and love them. It is a lesson of sorts maybe that we don't take everything for granted. I know I do. I always assume Rich is just going to be there but in an instant that can change. We live life like that when things are normal and not rocky. If the boat isn't being rocked then we just live in some sort of a cloud. We complain about the absolute stupidest things that really mean nothing at all. We get depressed if we don't have something we want or if we can't do something instead of enjoying the moment and really truly loving those around us. I am guilty I know that. I could go on and on but I will save more for later brain overload as I try to process all of this.
We go on from here and take it one day at a time but most of all we keep the HOPE!
God Bless!
Dianne
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Illness. What a Stupid Word or is it?
Illness. One of those words in the English language that make me cringe. Like the word capacity, oh how I hate that word, so of course Richie lovessss to say it to me whenever he gets the chance. I have no idea why that word makes me cringe it just does I even hate writing it here plus it's not like I would ever use such a big word. It is like nails on a chalkboard for me but the illness word, well, that is even worse. I can't say that the word illness makes me cringe because of myself but more when I hear it with another persons name attached to it. It seems we have been hearing of someone being ill a lot lately. My bro had double hernia surgery, Rich's bro brother has pneumonia and is in the hospital, but dare I say at the risk of sounding really slefish the worst of all is our dear sweet Addison having to have a mass removed from her neck. Let me explain.Yes, I hate hearing when any family member or friend is ill but a child? I know as adults we can all learn something from our struggles but a child? What does a child learn from being ill or having to have a surgery? It feels like when it rains it pours and the past two days have been no different. Then as I sit and ponder on Addi I wonder is the lesson meant for her or for us as adults? I can't imagine it is for her or us. How is a child suppose to learn a lesson when they can't even process what is happening to them? How is a grown adult suppose to handle seeing a child suffer? I will never forget her when she got home yesterday and how she showed me her hand where the IV had been. She just looked at me with her sweet innocent face and pointed to her hand, no words coming from her lips. I tried to make it like she was a rock star but my heart sank as her face was looking at me as if she wondered what just happened to her and why. Then she proceeded to point to her neck, which was wrapped full circle in coban with the stitches below, there again not saying a word just putting her little pointer finger on the spot where I assume the incision was, she pointed softly up and down on her neck. How traumatic for a child. How traumatic for her mother. How traumatic for her father who is a thousand miles away for six months on a training mission for the air force. It wasn't an easy day for any of us but we made it through with lots of love and prayers. I told Katie these are the times it is true how important it is to stay close to one another so you can just be there. I am thankful beyond words we have that bond!
When I think back to when our children were ill I remember feeling ill the whole time they were sick but I never had to face anything like they're family did yesterday. I think and truly believe when you are young your reality of life is overshadowed by busyness and the fact that truthfully not that many bad things have happened in your life for you to realize how fragile it really is. Probably a really good thing it is like that or we would never make it as parents. Then I think of the parents who have to face a cancer diagnosis or other disease with a child. How in the world do they do that? We could never know until we face something ourselves how hard and unimaginable it might be. You can never imagine anything until you go through it yourself.
Today we are thankful. Thankful both brothers are being taken care of and on the road to recovery. Thankful for Addi getting through surgery. Thankful for realizing how very fortunate we all are even when we face something that scares the hell out of all of us. We love and we move on from here. Surely more tragedies will plague our family, and I assume yours, but we deal with them as they come. We say the dreaded illness word and do what we have to do to take care of the illness whatever it might be at the time. In the end you begin to think about that word, illness, and you learn that it may be awful ,it maybe scary, but it is also love. It brings you even closer together than you thought it would before it hit. It makes you love even deeper and support those who need it. When you are in the middle of the dreaded word it's awful but in the end you see you are even more blessed then you ever thought possible.
God Bless!
Dianne
When I think back to when our children were ill I remember feeling ill the whole time they were sick but I never had to face anything like they're family did yesterday. I think and truly believe when you are young your reality of life is overshadowed by busyness and the fact that truthfully not that many bad things have happened in your life for you to realize how fragile it really is. Probably a really good thing it is like that or we would never make it as parents. Then I think of the parents who have to face a cancer diagnosis or other disease with a child. How in the world do they do that? We could never know until we face something ourselves how hard and unimaginable it might be. You can never imagine anything until you go through it yourself.
Today we are thankful. Thankful both brothers are being taken care of and on the road to recovery. Thankful for Addi getting through surgery. Thankful for realizing how very fortunate we all are even when we face something that scares the hell out of all of us. We love and we move on from here. Surely more tragedies will plague our family, and I assume yours, but we deal with them as they come. We say the dreaded illness word and do what we have to do to take care of the illness whatever it might be at the time. In the end you begin to think about that word, illness, and you learn that it may be awful ,it maybe scary, but it is also love. It brings you even closer together than you thought it would before it hit. It makes you love even deeper and support those who need it. When you are in the middle of the dreaded word it's awful but in the end you see you are even more blessed then you ever thought possible.
God Bless!
Dianne
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Mental Stress and Chronic Illness
"Keeping
mental stress to a minimum is so important for the chronically ill.
It’s important, but often impossible. Why? Because we live in the same
stressful world that healthy people live in."
One of my facebook friends has a page called Rheumatoid Arthritis Support and for some reason there was an article in my news feed today about stress and chronic illness but she had this quote written above the article which I assume she wrote. Reading this it was like a ton of bricks fell on my head. Truthfully I never thought of stress like that before. I thought about it and I thought to myself that I always felt so different than the healthy world and I could never be like the healthy world. Myself or anyone else who is chronically ill can probably associate what I am writing without having to explain it. I'm pretty sure the healthy world cannot make any sort of connection to this at all. Well, unless they may have been ill at some point in there life and can remember back to how different life was at that point in time, now imagine living that way everyday and trying to fit into the world. It's damn hard. You fake your way through. It's funny because I am sure most people look at me and think there is no way she isn't "normal." I laugh. I take care of myself. I run around to store for things when I have the energy. I try to live like the rest of the world but it isn't easy living and having to be an actor when you see people.
The stress part. Wow! This is another area I never thought about because I always thought most of my stress was from the illness, which it was/is, but now as I think back I had/have many of the same stresses most of the world has. How can that be? I don't work and I know most people wonder what in the world I could do all day at my age without a job or anything else to do for that matter. Let me tell you this is where my stress is a little different. I don't understand work stress as you do but you also do not understand my stress as a chronically ill person. Plans come and go. I stress and wonder will I have the energy to go? The amount of energy it takes to socialize is exhausting to say the least to the chronically ill. I can go somewhere and within an hour or so, depending on how many people I talk to, I am ready to leave. Tired/fatigued as I watch the rest of the room party and keep going without a clue as to what I am going through. It is horrible to say the least. The realization that I have finally come to grips without feeling guilty about leaving early is freeing and causes me much less stress. I have learned not to care anymore. I do what I can do and I am honest about the things I can't. It is a way of life for me now, for us. Rich included. This part of the stress is hardest for me because Rich is a very social person and the stress of weighing him down wears on me. He never says a thing and is always ready to do whatever he has to for me but for me it isn't fair for him. I wonder if that is a stress I will ever get over?
I have come a long way baby! I know the not caring comes with age but with chronic illness it is different. It is just as much an inside job as an outside job. The realization hit me this morning that I am doing a much better job with each passing year accepting it is what it is and it is OKAY! Man, it feels good to write that and really mean it!
God Bless!
Dianne
One of my facebook friends has a page called Rheumatoid Arthritis Support and for some reason there was an article in my news feed today about stress and chronic illness but she had this quote written above the article which I assume she wrote. Reading this it was like a ton of bricks fell on my head. Truthfully I never thought of stress like that before. I thought about it and I thought to myself that I always felt so different than the healthy world and I could never be like the healthy world. Myself or anyone else who is chronically ill can probably associate what I am writing without having to explain it. I'm pretty sure the healthy world cannot make any sort of connection to this at all. Well, unless they may have been ill at some point in there life and can remember back to how different life was at that point in time, now imagine living that way everyday and trying to fit into the world. It's damn hard. You fake your way through. It's funny because I am sure most people look at me and think there is no way she isn't "normal." I laugh. I take care of myself. I run around to store for things when I have the energy. I try to live like the rest of the world but it isn't easy living and having to be an actor when you see people.
The stress part. Wow! This is another area I never thought about because I always thought most of my stress was from the illness, which it was/is, but now as I think back I had/have many of the same stresses most of the world has. How can that be? I don't work and I know most people wonder what in the world I could do all day at my age without a job or anything else to do for that matter. Let me tell you this is where my stress is a little different. I don't understand work stress as you do but you also do not understand my stress as a chronically ill person. Plans come and go. I stress and wonder will I have the energy to go? The amount of energy it takes to socialize is exhausting to say the least to the chronically ill. I can go somewhere and within an hour or so, depending on how many people I talk to, I am ready to leave. Tired/fatigued as I watch the rest of the room party and keep going without a clue as to what I am going through. It is horrible to say the least. The realization that I have finally come to grips without feeling guilty about leaving early is freeing and causes me much less stress. I have learned not to care anymore. I do what I can do and I am honest about the things I can't. It is a way of life for me now, for us. Rich included. This part of the stress is hardest for me because Rich is a very social person and the stress of weighing him down wears on me. He never says a thing and is always ready to do whatever he has to for me but for me it isn't fair for him. I wonder if that is a stress I will ever get over?
I have come a long way baby! I know the not caring comes with age but with chronic illness it is different. It is just as much an inside job as an outside job. The realization hit me this morning that I am doing a much better job with each passing year accepting it is what it is and it is OKAY! Man, it feels good to write that and really mean it!
God Bless!
Dianne
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
It's an Inside Job
Here we are pretty much in the same state of affairs as we were when we first moved into Steph and Vinnie's house. It is going really well and I am thankful for the closeness we can share, not only in the space we live in, but in our hearts. I'm not sure how many kids would allow their parents to take over their basement, a bedroom, bath, and at times their kitchen. I'm not sure if I could do it as I like my space so for that reason I feel like we are intruding while Steph and Vinnie assure me we aren't. I even went so far as to look for an apartment for this very reason. Truthfully? I miss having a kitchen it is where a wife/mother spends 90% of her life, at least in our home. Then I wonder to myself would getting an apartment be more for me or for the reason I am feeling like an intruder. I never thought not having a kitchen would be that big of a deal but it is. I never thought be somewhat homeless would be so hard and dare I say almost depressing but it is. I feel like I am in the bottom of a pit stuck and unable to find my way out. We have been here for almost three months now and we were hoping by now we would have at least started on building our home. The weather here in Michigan has been brutal this year to say the least so being able to dig a hole for a basement is impossible. There's a lesson in all of this...right?
We are beginning to see a little light at the end of that tunnel and feel breaking ground might begin here in a month or less? It also depends on the load limits on the roads. With the ground becoming warmer there are weight restrictions as to how much weight a truck can haul so in turn the building supplies halted not only for us but many others. I wonder to myself how many other people building are living in a basement? Pretty sure not many.
I started a so called diet but I really want to say a new way of living. This time is it. I am not going to lose it only to gain it back once again. Change. Who likes it? I already feel like I am so unstable living in limbo. I feel stripped of all the "things" that matter to me. Oh believe me it's not much but "things" none the same. The things I miss are the art the grand kids made or something special one of the kids gave me as a gift. You know the "things" that you look at that make you smile and in an instant you can remember who it was from and when and why they gave it to you. Those are the "things" I live for. I do have a large picture of the kids here that they gave us at Christmas a few years back. It hangs in the bedroom by the computer so I can look at it everyday and remember the moment they gave it to me. I had no idea what so ever they had it taken of course the tears came. I love that memory. I love those people. They keep me going. The text I just got from Steph telling me when we lose weight we are both going on a shopping spree. Time together that has nothing to do with clothes. Moments in time we can never get back. I thought not having a place to call our own would be the hardest part mentally for me but now that I started this weight loss journey I think my worst enemy is my mind. You begin to filter more than just not having a place to call your own. You begin to go internally and pick yourself apart and at times others and past life circumstances. All the mindless eating I did in the past that covered up past hurts or past relationships that will never be mended. Life is what it is. I don't think we will really ever have it all figured out but someday, just maybe, we will. All of this piled on top of pain that never ends. Fatigue that is unbearable to say the least. It's a wonder a person can stay sane but I will. Did it before I'll do it again. I do believe it is in you all along it's just that sometimes you forget it and you have to be knocked back down in order to get back up.
In the end I don't think a diet is going to make my life perfect in fact I know it won't. I've been here before, lost, and still felt like a fatty. It's all internal. It's all about the goodness we leave wherever our feet might land even if we don't get it back in return. It's trying to be nice to the people in your life who make it very difficult to be nice. It's being kind to the lady in the store who makes some snide remark for some reason you will never understand. You smile and you move on. I am learning more and more with each passing day that most of the people who treat you like you are a nobody really are not happy with themselves. It really does have nothing to do with you. You live your life the way you want. No one has the power to dictate how you live or how you don't live. So, as I strive to be more healthy it isn't only an outside job it is an inside job. A job that only I can do and I will do. As Jim Carrey says in The Mast movie, "Somebody stop me." I'm not letting it happen! You?
God Bless!
Dianne
We are beginning to see a little light at the end of that tunnel and feel breaking ground might begin here in a month or less? It also depends on the load limits on the roads. With the ground becoming warmer there are weight restrictions as to how much weight a truck can haul so in turn the building supplies halted not only for us but many others. I wonder to myself how many other people building are living in a basement? Pretty sure not many.
I started a so called diet but I really want to say a new way of living. This time is it. I am not going to lose it only to gain it back once again. Change. Who likes it? I already feel like I am so unstable living in limbo. I feel stripped of all the "things" that matter to me. Oh believe me it's not much but "things" none the same. The things I miss are the art the grand kids made or something special one of the kids gave me as a gift. You know the "things" that you look at that make you smile and in an instant you can remember who it was from and when and why they gave it to you. Those are the "things" I live for. I do have a large picture of the kids here that they gave us at Christmas a few years back. It hangs in the bedroom by the computer so I can look at it everyday and remember the moment they gave it to me. I had no idea what so ever they had it taken of course the tears came. I love that memory. I love those people. They keep me going. The text I just got from Steph telling me when we lose weight we are both going on a shopping spree. Time together that has nothing to do with clothes. Moments in time we can never get back. I thought not having a place to call our own would be the hardest part mentally for me but now that I started this weight loss journey I think my worst enemy is my mind. You begin to filter more than just not having a place to call your own. You begin to go internally and pick yourself apart and at times others and past life circumstances. All the mindless eating I did in the past that covered up past hurts or past relationships that will never be mended. Life is what it is. I don't think we will really ever have it all figured out but someday, just maybe, we will. All of this piled on top of pain that never ends. Fatigue that is unbearable to say the least. It's a wonder a person can stay sane but I will. Did it before I'll do it again. I do believe it is in you all along it's just that sometimes you forget it and you have to be knocked back down in order to get back up.
In the end I don't think a diet is going to make my life perfect in fact I know it won't. I've been here before, lost, and still felt like a fatty. It's all internal. It's all about the goodness we leave wherever our feet might land even if we don't get it back in return. It's trying to be nice to the people in your life who make it very difficult to be nice. It's being kind to the lady in the store who makes some snide remark for some reason you will never understand. You smile and you move on. I am learning more and more with each passing day that most of the people who treat you like you are a nobody really are not happy with themselves. It really does have nothing to do with you. You live your life the way you want. No one has the power to dictate how you live or how you don't live. So, as I strive to be more healthy it isn't only an outside job it is an inside job. A job that only I can do and I will do. As Jim Carrey says in The Mast movie, "Somebody stop me." I'm not letting it happen! You?
God Bless!
Dianne
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Wake Up Call
L'Wren Scott. Does that name mean anything to you? Tom, Dick and Harry. Do those names mean anything to you? I watched the morning news this morning as they reported on the suicide death of L'Wren Scott. I had no idea who she was until last night when I heard she committed suicide. Apparently she was a designer so it is no surprise I had no idea who she was. The news reported of the suicide as a hanging on a door knob, who knows if that is true because you have to take everything the media reports with a grain of salt, either way she died a senseless death. They also said she may have been six million dollars in debt and didn't know if that could be one of the reason she thought death was the answer to ending her financial problems. I thought to myself how can money do that to a person but when you live a mediocre life you more than likely will never be able to figure that one out. Money to me is not that big of a deal food, shelter, a few extras is enough. I always wonder about the lives of the rich how things and trips and all the stuff that they think makes them happy really does. Then this happens. I wonder if she searched through her short life with money trying to buy the happiness when she had it all in the palm of her hand already. I wonder why she never stopped to realize it. Mick Jagger was her boyfriend. He has money, so I think. Why didn't she go to him and ask him to help her? Or even better why didn't she go to him and tell him she was struggling? Why do we hide our pain? The media also reported what a wonderful, kind person she was. Everyone said she was so gracious and giving which also led me to think of how we can fool everyone around us. How many people do we come across each and everyday that are suffering in silence? Do we ever take that minute to ask how someone is really doing? Do we ever read between the lines and ask, "Are you sure?" Nah we don't, we are too busy for that. You know what I mean. Just like the people whom I have heard say, "I saw her in the store but avoided her." Hummm really? Are we in such a sad state of affairs that we can't take a minute to care about someone? We don't have to fix them but we can listen. It isn't that hard. I wonder about all of L'Wren's friends who are telling the media she was so kind and seemed happy. I wonder if they ever took that extra minute after asking her how she was and gave her the chance to say, "NO I'M NOT FINE! LIFE SUCKS RIGHT NOW AND I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT." Just that simple extra five minutes or an hour off someones busy selfish schedule may have saved her life.
In all honesty I can write this because I know what it is to be the person that gets asked, "How are you doing?" I am the person who says, "fine," because I know people don't care. Brutally honest? Yup that's me. You see, when you are on the inside looking out at life you can be brutally honest. It feels like I live in my own little world while the rest of the world is out there living in that great big world. People looking in at me like the boy in the plastic bubble. Do people care? Yes, but it is a surface care. I'm not complaining at all it is fine. I have Rich he is my rock. A few close friends I know I can go to but who wants to bother them with my stupid stuff? In all honesty I may know how L'Wren felt just different circumstances and I'm pretty sure she felt the same way, who wants to hear about my stupid problems?
The whole point of writing this is not to help people understand how it is to be sick, physically and mentally, in a healthy world but to hopefully help people realize even the healthy looking people suffer. Take a minute, a second. Don't be the person who is talking after a suicide saying what a nice person someone was. Watch their body language, look in their eyes. You can see a lot of pain in someones eyes if you look close enough. We don't do these things enough. We are a world that has become to busy to care. Too busy checking our cell phones. Too busy being busy doing nothing. It's absolutely crazy. It's like a madness that needs to stop. If anything I hope this is some sort of wake up call to all who read it. I hope if there is someone around you today, tomorrow, this week or whenever, you are the one. The one who can read between the lines and save someones life because I know you can!
God Bless!
Dianne
In all honesty I can write this because I know what it is to be the person that gets asked, "How are you doing?" I am the person who says, "fine," because I know people don't care. Brutally honest? Yup that's me. You see, when you are on the inside looking out at life you can be brutally honest. It feels like I live in my own little world while the rest of the world is out there living in that great big world. People looking in at me like the boy in the plastic bubble. Do people care? Yes, but it is a surface care. I'm not complaining at all it is fine. I have Rich he is my rock. A few close friends I know I can go to but who wants to bother them with my stupid stuff? In all honesty I may know how L'Wren felt just different circumstances and I'm pretty sure she felt the same way, who wants to hear about my stupid problems?
The whole point of writing this is not to help people understand how it is to be sick, physically and mentally, in a healthy world but to hopefully help people realize even the healthy looking people suffer. Take a minute, a second. Don't be the person who is talking after a suicide saying what a nice person someone was. Watch their body language, look in their eyes. You can see a lot of pain in someones eyes if you look close enough. We don't do these things enough. We are a world that has become to busy to care. Too busy checking our cell phones. Too busy being busy doing nothing. It's absolutely crazy. It's like a madness that needs to stop. If anything I hope this is some sort of wake up call to all who read it. I hope if there is someone around you today, tomorrow, this week or whenever, you are the one. The one who can read between the lines and save someones life because I know you can!
God Bless!
Dianne
Friday, March 7, 2014
Chronic Pain for Idiots (the yellow book kind)
http://m.wikihow.com/Understand-Someone-With-Chronic-Pain
I just read an article called How to Understand Someone with Chronic Pain. It made me chuckle like most things do in life when it comes to living with pain but this chuckle was different. I'm not sure if it was a understanding chuckle or some sort of other chuckle. The explanation of understanding chronic pain on a piece of paper seems so much different then when you are actually living with, or maybe I should say in it, chronic pain. The link is above if you want to look at the actual hilarity of it all. I mean that in the nicest way.
It's the basic. You know they make it look like the person in the pictures is dying and not really enjoying life at all. I must disagree with that part of it not everyone living with chronic pain looks like they are living with chronic pain. I know when I go out no one can tell anything. We are the great pretenders because who wants to hear about our pain? The actual written parts of the article were pretty much spot on and every word I read was so relatable. In fact the whole time I read it, as I chucked, I thought to myself yup, yup, yup, uhuh. It just makes me wonder if a young person or anyone who doesn't suffer in pain 24/7 would really be able to understand any of the article as they read it. You can read all you want but as I always say until it happens to you, you have no idea. When I read the article I thought to myself hummm we need a yellow book called Chronic Pain for Idiot's. I could write it and I would be happy to sit hours with others who suffer and get their view on living with chronic people. The real people, the people who live it, not the people who study it and think because they know all the book work on chronic pain that they can write what we need to do or not do to make it better. The real people, suffers, who day in and day out cry, laugh, try not to complain, the ones that do complain, the ones who are bed bound, and the ones who are not. My list could go on and on but you get the picture. I'm pretty sure a study of the "real" chronically people in pain would take a very long time to write. Between deciphering all the different types of pain people live with, not to mention the emotional and physical toll it takes on each person seperately. It would take so long to interview and write all the stories because there is no way you could write about one person in chronic pain and lump everyone into the same big pile of facts from that one person. You can take two people with neck pain but they both experience it differently. Actually you could take 1000 people with neck pain and I can bet that same neck pain would affect each of them differently. This is where all the people who say or write things on chronic pain and do not live with it have no business doing so. Have they gone out and actually talked to people who live in their own pain? Pretty sure they haven't. I take offense every time I read or hear someone say something that is a cure or tells us we will feel so much better if we only..... My question is how do you know for a fact that is going to work for me? For my pain? Right now I am focusing more on the pain but I'm pretty sure I could write a whole other yellow book on the emotional toll chronic pain inflicts on a person. This may even be a much harder and deeper subject to talk to each individual about because we all experience that side much different also and for some this side is worse than the pain itself. Some of us are fortunate to have a close few who do get it, our pain to some degree so our emotional well being is at a level where we are happy and can function and not have to deal with the same things that others who have no support deal with. It has to horrible to deal with both and have no support. Then there are jobs and taking care of a home. Young mothers who must take care of children while hurting but hey the kids still get hungry, they still have to be changed or run from here to there. I could go on and on and on. It really could never end when you begin to piece ALL of the many pieces of chronic pain together. I understand because I live it so when someone tells me they are in pain I can go there in a heartbeat. I don't have to wonder how it is because I already know what it is doing to that person. no, I don't understand their pain, their own pain, but I understand the big picture. I just wish more people could understand more than what they believe is on the surface of living in chronic pain, that's all.
God Bless!
Dianne
I just read an article called How to Understand Someone with Chronic Pain. It made me chuckle like most things do in life when it comes to living with pain but this chuckle was different. I'm not sure if it was a understanding chuckle or some sort of other chuckle. The explanation of understanding chronic pain on a piece of paper seems so much different then when you are actually living with, or maybe I should say in it, chronic pain. The link is above if you want to look at the actual hilarity of it all. I mean that in the nicest way.
It's the basic. You know they make it look like the person in the pictures is dying and not really enjoying life at all. I must disagree with that part of it not everyone living with chronic pain looks like they are living with chronic pain. I know when I go out no one can tell anything. We are the great pretenders because who wants to hear about our pain? The actual written parts of the article were pretty much spot on and every word I read was so relatable. In fact the whole time I read it, as I chucked, I thought to myself yup, yup, yup, uhuh. It just makes me wonder if a young person or anyone who doesn't suffer in pain 24/7 would really be able to understand any of the article as they read it. You can read all you want but as I always say until it happens to you, you have no idea. When I read the article I thought to myself hummm we need a yellow book called Chronic Pain for Idiot's. I could write it and I would be happy to sit hours with others who suffer and get their view on living with chronic people. The real people, the people who live it, not the people who study it and think because they know all the book work on chronic pain that they can write what we need to do or not do to make it better. The real people, suffers, who day in and day out cry, laugh, try not to complain, the ones that do complain, the ones who are bed bound, and the ones who are not. My list could go on and on but you get the picture. I'm pretty sure a study of the "real" chronically people in pain would take a very long time to write. Between deciphering all the different types of pain people live with, not to mention the emotional and physical toll it takes on each person seperately. It would take so long to interview and write all the stories because there is no way you could write about one person in chronic pain and lump everyone into the same big pile of facts from that one person. You can take two people with neck pain but they both experience it differently. Actually you could take 1000 people with neck pain and I can bet that same neck pain would affect each of them differently. This is where all the people who say or write things on chronic pain and do not live with it have no business doing so. Have they gone out and actually talked to people who live in their own pain? Pretty sure they haven't. I take offense every time I read or hear someone say something that is a cure or tells us we will feel so much better if we only..... My question is how do you know for a fact that is going to work for me? For my pain? Right now I am focusing more on the pain but I'm pretty sure I could write a whole other yellow book on the emotional toll chronic pain inflicts on a person. This may even be a much harder and deeper subject to talk to each individual about because we all experience that side much different also and for some this side is worse than the pain itself. Some of us are fortunate to have a close few who do get it, our pain to some degree so our emotional well being is at a level where we are happy and can function and not have to deal with the same things that others who have no support deal with. It has to horrible to deal with both and have no support. Then there are jobs and taking care of a home. Young mothers who must take care of children while hurting but hey the kids still get hungry, they still have to be changed or run from here to there. I could go on and on and on. It really could never end when you begin to piece ALL of the many pieces of chronic pain together. I understand because I live it so when someone tells me they are in pain I can go there in a heartbeat. I don't have to wonder how it is because I already know what it is doing to that person. no, I don't understand their pain, their own pain, but I understand the big picture. I just wish more people could understand more than what they believe is on the surface of living in chronic pain, that's all.
God Bless!
Dianne
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