Believe it or not I survived Rich and Leah's wedding without drugs. I never would have thought it possible even a few months ago. Truthfully, I never would have believed even a year ago that I would stop any of my drugs but here I am almost drug less. Well, except for the ones I have to take for other issues. It feels so good to be free almost like an eagle tied to chains and then the chains have been broken and he is free to fly. I don't know how else to explain it.
The other side of the story isn't so freeing. The pain that has intensified. I knew for a while, I even prepared myself mentally, over the past few months to be ready for my left foot to give me issues the day of the wedding. I was fine with it. Mind over matter and I knew I would be okay. Whatever, I can always lay low the week after the wedding and baby my foot to at least get it back to it's normal state of pain and swelling. The one thing I didn't prepare for was that my right knee was going to start to give me issues. Can you even imagine being over weight and having intense pain in your left foot and even more intense pain in your right knee as it is clicking and clacking out of place with every foot step? Wow, talk about being an actress at a wedding, I was. It really wasn't that hard. I tried not to think of the pain and every time I felt the pain I would think of Richie and Leah and their happiness or about having all of our families all together for a whole day. This doesn't happen often so the happy thoughts and the love over ruled the pain. Walking normally with pain on both sides of your body is hard. You become the master of being fake and never allowing anyone to really know how bad it is, even those the closest to you. Well, at least until about nine thirtyish that night. Wham. I had to stop the acting. I quietly left the reception to retreat back to the room where we all got ready for the wedding. I pulled up to chairs, one for the big ole booty and one for the legs/feet. Ahhhhhh, let me tell you that never felt so good. As I sat there I didn't know what to do. By this time the pain was almost unbearable but I knew we only had a few hours left so getting some pressure off the legs for a bit helped. The sad part is I wasn't able to say goodbye to some of our friends and other people who were there. I hate that. The part where pain takes things away from my life and relationships. I hate when pain controls me and I have to give in. It is so heartbreaking, but I also know there is a time where I must give in and take care of me. It's hard when you are not a quitter but you must control your mind enough to tell yourself it really is okay.
The reception ended I was still in the room. We all went to a fire and had S'mores and it was so nice. We didn't last long down by the fire but I am thankful I was able to go. Rich and I helped everyone get back to their rooms safely and finally got to ours. By this time my ankles were like balloons and I seriously cannot remember being in so much pain in my life. I was awake until three am trying to help ease the pain. Creams, lotions, massaging, meds, pillows to prop myself up on and the list goes on. Finally, I'm not sure if the the pain got a little less intense, or if I was just getting use to it the way it was, but I finally feel asleep after a few hours. All in all I must say this was one of the best days of my life a day I will never forget. The pain? Forgotten, almost. The day, the love, the knowing Richie and Leah are so happy together? That can take any pain away! It's true you really can make it through anything if you just put your mind to it!
God Bless!
Dianne
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