Here we go again. Christmas. The most overrated gift giving flush your money down the toilet holiday ever. Scrooge? Yup. I never look forward to Christmas. Yes, when I was a child and truthfully up until the time I was 18 I liked Christmas. I am a giver so for me Christmas was always one of my favorite times of the year. If I could give someone something, anything, even a small homemade gift it would warm my heart. I always loved to make people happy and I still do but it all changed after that 18th Christmas. One of my best friends was killed in a car accident on Christmas Eve oh so long ago. Christmas was never the same after that. When Tim died a part of me died with him and it hasn't come back. It was like someone ripped part of my heart out of my chest and never returned it. Tim was more like a brother and quite honestly my first love. He stole my heart with all his kindness and how he was with his words. He knew just what to say to a woman to make her swoon. His father had the same gift. I believe not many men have that gift to make a woman feel like she is the most beautiful woman in the room but they both did and they knew how to use it too. Lol. I have to believe that Tim wouldn't want me to dislike the Christmas season as much as I do but I'm pretty sure he would be the same way if the tables were turned. Plus, I think we run around buying all this stuff for people who will forget most of it a few months from now. It is pointless to me. Stuff is pointless. People, that is where it really is and what it is really about. Loving. Sharing. Caring.
When I look around at some of the people I know many of them suffer at Christmas too. Yes, it is a time of joy where were celebrate Jesus' birth and that part is the best part but the hurt that people suffer. The losses others have experienced and Christmas is not a joyous occasion for everyone out there. It becomes brutal for some to just get through December. Bad things still happen at Christmas time. People die. People get sick. Money problems become ever worse for some who are unable to even buy a gift for someone they love. Real life still happens. People are in pain and suffering still. It makes me wonder why we can't just get together and enjoy each other and that's all. People are really what matter not the stuff. Let's take back Christmas to a time where material things weren't more important than eating and just being able to buy food to put on the table and socialize. I get confused with all the garble. All the stuff. It annoys me. I wonder to myself if Tim had never died that Christmas Eve- would I feel the same way? I don't know. My heart still burns when I think of it. I can go back to that day every year. I wonder would I be out buying, buying, buying if Tim were still here? It is a good reflection this time of year for me. The wonder. I also wonder if I would feel differently if I were physically healthy and able to shop around like the real world. Would I be the same as the world or would I still be who I am at this time? Reflection it is a good thing.
Remember those who are suffering and hurting this holiday season. Open your eyes and see that they are all around you even if many years have passed since a loss. Hurts and losses never fade away they stay with us forever. It's okay though because that is how we grow. We learn to deal with the pains of life whether they are physical or emotional. We learn to deal with the hurts and move on trying to live without whatever it is we lost whether that be a person or our physical ability to live like we would like. We remember the hope we have in a baby born in a manger and the hope of seeing the ones we have lost. When you think about it, it is amazing how strong we really are in the midst of all the hurt. We continue to push on feeling a push from behind from the ones we lost telling us not to give up. We do it for them. We make it through another December and in January realize we really can do it!
God Bless!
Dianne
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