Christ really did suffer, as the innocent of the earth really do suffer. It's the ongoing tragedy of humans. Our lives and humanity are untity; disorganized and careworn. Life on earth is often a raunchy and violent experience. It can be agony just to get through the day.
And yet, I do believe there is ultimately meaning in the chaos, and also in the doldrums. What I resist is not the truth but when people put a pretty bow on scary things instead of saying, "This is a nightmare. I hate everything. I'm going to go hide in the garage." -From the book Stitches A Handbook On Meaning, Hope and Repair by Anne Lamott.
Wow! I couldn't have said it better myself. I struggle so much with this part of life. You know, the so called coverups of life, as I would call them at least. The lies we tell every time we run into someone or talk to someone. How are you? Fine, ok, good. When inside we are a raging fire. Maybe because of illness or because we are hurting for someone else or ourselves. Why can't we just say it? Why do we always have to act like it is all fine and dandy? We all suffer. We all have our stuff so why is it so hard to let down our guard and stop pretending all the time? After this past week I want to climb on top of a tall, very tall, building and scream out life sucks. It sucked this week more than it has sucked in a long, long time. I was basically glued to the couch and it took every ounce of my being to peel myself off the couch to do much of anything. The worst part was that I just didn't care about anything. I felt so weak and sick that it didn't even matter to me. Whatever. One of those weeks I wished it would all end, and the sooner the better. I'm pretty certain if someone had asked me last Wednesday how I was doing and I said sucky and I am sick of this crap, they would have shyed away from me real fast. Even better what if I said as Anne did, "I'm going to go hide in the garage," that would have thrown someone into a tailspin and left them reeling for the "right" words to comfort me. The problem is sometimes words don't matter, sometimes people just have to sink in their garage until it is time to come out. What the heck is wrong with that? It's time we start being honest with one another and not hide everything behind the perfect bubble we are told we ought to be living in. It's life and it ain't perfect. Period!
It's funny because I really wanted to write this a few days ago when I was still working my way out of the garage but I didn't make it to the computer. I sit here now writing with a smirk on my face because I think some of it sounds foolish but truthfully nothing is foolish when you are in the garage. It is real. It is at the core of your being and sometimes it can eat you alive if you let it. But you don't. You can't. You fight because you know it will get better. It always does. Plus, being a Christian I always think to myself this is nothing compared to what Christ went through. The ultimate suffering and here I lay on my nice comfy couch with the remote in my hand while my puppy licks my face and sleeps on my pillow. Really? I can't do this? Ummm yes I think I can. I will. It's possible even on the days it seems like it isn't, even on the days I want to hide in the garage.
God Bless!
Dianne
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