Pain Please Pick on Someone Else

The dog woke me up at 5:00am and that's when all hell broke loose. I knew I wrote in my last blog entry how I became so ill at the farmers market a week ago and had to come home and go to bed but today I was in bed when a new pain struck me again. If I was younger and didn't have all my lady parts I would have thought it was a cyst or something like that but I know that isn't possible since I've been gutted out and don't have too many parts left in my body. I laid in bed from 5:00-8:00 self talking and wondering what the heck is going on now. Is this connected to last week as I haven't felt well since that happened? Is it my appendix or a UTI? You see when you are sick all the time you don't wake and and decide to go to urgent care or the ER, you wait it out. You tell yourself the pain will subside and there are times it does but then there are the times it doesn't. It's been four hours and I'm still having stabbing pains . My next line of defense is a hot bath. When you are in a lot of physical pain, at least for me, a steaming hot skin scortching bath can cure just about anything even if it's only for a short period of time the pain subsides. When you live with chronic pain those little spans of time whether it is ten minutes or and hour with no pain are heavenly. In fact there was a few minutes of that this morning when I laid in bed without pain and I took a minute to soak it all in. Ahhhh no pain. Asking myself in almost a question form, "So this is what it's like to have no pain?" I'd give almost anything to have more of those minutes added to my days and night but that isn't how it works for me. Once again I wonder why God would put this soul in such a weathered body . One question I will ask him when me meet and he better not tell me it's because he knew I could handle it. I'm sitting here with this come and go pain writing in my blog which to me seems ridiculous. I feel worn to the core, I didn't sleep well, and whatever is going on is stabbing me again. My blog? Really? I made the mistake of telling Rich when I got up about what was going on. Don't get me wrong he is always my biggest supporter but after all this time he tends to become way overprotective when I tell him something. His thought is I'm dying and need to get to the ER. Ha it cracks me up but it also is hard for me when he does that to me. In fact I told him I never should have told him but I'm pretty sure my pain faces would have given it away anyways. His first words were that my appendix exploded which I'm sure if it did the pain would be constant not intermittent.  His best response by far was, "What if it's cancer?" Oh my gosh I'm laughing writing that. Plus if it is cancer it is no use getting all worked up about stuff until you know what's going on. This is all I'm writing for now but I will be back later with an update.

Well, it's 4:20pm and here I sit in real time at the urgent are. The pain is still intermittent and has been all day so I decided I better get it checked out. The worst part is the fact that the wait at the urgent care is one hour and twenty minutes which we all know means at least two hours. Don't get me wrong I usually don't complain about having to sit and wait for the doctor when you are in pain, tired, and weak is not where one wants to be. So I wait.

I'm home now but I made it in the room to see the doc in an hour so that's not so bad. Peed in a cup urine as clear as water which I knew when I saw that there was no infection. The doctor came to the conclusion that I must have pulled a muscle in my pelvic area and it is affecting a nerve hence the stabbing pain. Seriously when I got home it was attacking me and it brought me to tears. I never, well never say never, cry from pain. Here is my conclusion if this is what it is. We went to the Binder Park Zoo yesterday and walked for four hours straight. I knew the whole past week that I was going to pay dearly going to the zoo but I only thought with the usual. When we got in the car To come home ripped off my $500.00 shoes and insert combo, yes you read that right, because my feet hurt so bad I could hardly stand it, especially the left one that has been a continual issue for so many years now. They say you get use to the pain over time, that's BS, you don't. My elbow pain was horrendous I moaned trying to get comfortable for the hour and a half drive. My knees, especially the right one, was swollen and painful. I try not to complain to Rich but when you have so much pain you have to talk about it. We pulled in the driveway and I hugged my dogs and ran for the bathtub. Steaming hot luxury. I kept adding more hot water and more and more, heaven to me. I got out and went for my chair to rest but had a crappy night sleep. Pain like that always wins and you can't fight it you just have to give into. Then the 5:00am fun pain began and here I am exhausted from that pain. I'm glad I was able to sit a little more today at a friends baby shower and in the urgent care waiting room. Rest is a close friend.

I'm in my chair once agin after steaming hot bath #2 today. The pain got to me because I was shivering and teeth chattering when I got home, something that happens to me when I have pain I can't control. I took the ibuprofen and plopped in my chair. I sit here pondering on the last 24 hours of hell, my hell. It reminds me that there is a lesson in all of this too, isn't there always? Normalcy. The normal world goes to the zoo or anywhere else for that matter and when they get home the day is done. The next day comes, life is planned, and lived without much thought. Chronically ill people go to the zoo and pay dearly, often times for days. This is the classic example and if you don't believe it's true please re read this blog until it makes sense. It sucks but it is our normal. A normal I'm sure most people wouldn't want to live. Time will tell what's next.

God Bless,

Dianne