The first time. When you read that what does it bring to mind? There are so many first times in our lives it would be impossible to remember all if them. A few I thought of were the obvious. Your first kiss. Mine sucked just for the record. Starting high school, that is always one of the worst first times, exciting and scary both at the same time. Driving a car alone. Your first job. Making love for the first time. Getting married, for me, one of the best days of my life! Having a child, you never knew your heart could love so much or that you could have such a connection with another person knowing you made that beautiful bundle of joy out of the pure love you have for one another. You appreciate this even more as you grow old together.
Then there is the flip side to so many of those first times. The first kiss wasn't as great as you dreamed it was going to be, good thing it gets better with practice or you meet the right guy who kisses you for the right reasons and not the wrong. Making love for the first time isn't like the movies or worse someone becomes pregnant and she doesn't want to be. The first car accident and have to call mom an dad to come save you. Children are born with illness or they grow up, get angry, disagree with the way you raise them and rebel. The list of first times, good and bad, could go on and on. I am sure you can list many other first times here if you were given the chance.
I had a first time yesterday with my chronic illness and it scared me half to death, not because of what happened but because of the circumstances. I had Hunter and Addi yesterday. Addi was taking a nap and Hunter and I were looking at all the cool rocks under our deck. We love to look at rocks, there are some beautiful ones out there. I love it when Hunter blurts out, "Awesome," or "Look at this one Nana it is Cooooool!" I myself think nature, even in the rocks, is incredible. I can sit outside and wonder about all of the beauty that surrounds me and I can never soak in enough of all this is going on around me. It is a true gift I treasure!
This past few days since the weather has started to become warmer I have noticed a change in my stiffness level. I didn't think anything of it until last night when I remembered the day, and it struck me that it has to be the weather change. While Hunter and I were looking at the rocks I hadn't moved for at least 15-20 minutes. I was sitting Indian style, and yes I can still do that. Hunter decided we were done and it was time to move onto our next adventure. The problem? I couldn't get up. I got to my hands and knees, slowly mind you, and I was stuck. I was so stiff I cried out to Hunter to stay by me. You must understand, we have a lot of water and woods by our house and I freak that they are going to run from me and I won't be able to find them or worse yet not be able to get up to chase them. Thankfully Hunter came back. I said, "Wait a minute I can't get up." Of course Hunter asked like a question, "You can't get up?" I told him, "No, just hold on a minute." He giggled a little like he always does at me but truthfully it was one of the scariest firsts I have ever experienced. I finally loosened up and got up. Thankfully!
Later in the evening after Katie came to get the kids and Rich got home I got to thinking about that first. The tears started to roll as they are now. All the what if's that came along with that stupid first time. I thought to myself ,are you kidding me, now I can't even sit on the ground for fear of not being able to get up? I was very upset last night but tried not to let Rich see it too much. I talked to him about it, he listened, and we moved on. Today as I woke up and got out of bed I was very stiff once again but it is okay, I am alone, no kids to worry about. I took a hot shower and am doing better, although I am sitting here so we will see when I get up.
In closing today it is my hope that you enjoy and embrace all of your firsts in life. It doesn't matter your age there will always be firsts until the day you die. First meetings with people. Be aware of all your firsts, the good and the bad. Learn from them. Share your life and love with others because you never know when something is going to prevent you from being able to share those firsts. Life is a journey we must enjoy every little thing that is in it, even the rocks. Every laugh, every kiss, everything! Now, get out there and make the best of your day, I'm going to!
God Bless!
Dianne
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