You have heard it before I am sure, Kill them With Kindness. I never really thought to much about this saying because I never felt I had people in my life that this little quote/sentence would pertain to. The older I get and the more time has gone on I realize, I do, I always have I just was to naive to notice. I usually just avoid the energy sucking people who are rude, inconsiderate, selfish, and play favorites with people's lives, but the older I get I just can't do it anymore. The worst part is when the people that fit into this description are people that you cannot get a way from and you are stuck with them forever and there is no way out. I heard many years ago, or was it I who made it up, "You can mess with me all you want but when you mess with my children that is where it ends." Favorites to me in any form is something that absolutely drives me in sane, bonkers, etc. If you want to know the truth on this one just ask my kids. If we did anything, I don't care what it was, it was always fair. My parents taught me this. If we had a pile of m & m's I would divide them into three piles and they would all three of our children get the same amount, if there was one over I would eat it to even out the number. It was just the way I rolled with everything. I surely did not want one of my children growing up thinking that they were any better or anymore loved than the other, that still applies to this day. The same principle applies when I observe how other people treat my children and sometimes I watch as one is put above the other. It can make steam roll out of my ears. Yes, I can be a hot head at times. Most people do not know that about me. I am a very nice person, I would do anything for anyone. People treat me like shit and I always crawl back for more. It is just the type of person I am. Always do good for everyone else and suck it up but in the wings there is this devil woman who can lash out and let me tell you, it ain't pretty when I do. I feel I am reaching that point with a certain situation in my life. I am over the top to put it mildly. Over the past few years as the illness has sucked the life out of me I have learned that I do not need to play the "games" anymore. Yes, I do still have to be nice. Yes, there are people I have no choice about dealing with in my life, but if I did, believe me they would be no part of it. I wouldn't allow a stranger to treat me that way so why I have to allow certain others do it? The answer is that it is out of a love I have for a certain someone. You just have to do it for another person sometimes, and when you are dealing with people who sweep everything under the rug and never say it like it is, it makes it very hard.
This morning as I awoke and was making may coffee and drugging up the first thing that came to my mind, besides the song Don't Let it End by Styx, was Kill Them With Kindness. Humm, it just struck me funny that song would be in my head and this saying would come to mind. It has to be God telling me to knock it off. That I must continue to kill them with kindness, not that it matters or ever will. "But God (screaming) I am tired. You know how tired I am. it is a full time job just staying afloat these days and I am always the one who has to be the kind one?" "Yes my child you do", is all I always hear. "But, I am sick of people who are damaged goods always blaming the good people for their own problems." "My child, that isn't how it works, you are here to do good even to those people who treat you like a common front door mat." I hear this over and over, especially for the past ten years or so. I feel like I can no longer hold up to the standards God is always asking me to. I have people who do not care one way or another about me or my family, who should by the way, but I am suppose to listen to them complain and talk only of themselves. I am tired, I am sick, I am wore out and not one of them care or even take the time to ask, "How are you doing?" How can people just not care? I don't get it, never have, never will. The only answer I have is selfishness. There is no other answer.
After I grabbed the coffee and downed the drugs I came to the computer and searched the saying, Kill them With Kindness. One of the stories in the small article I read said even in a traffic dispute wave if someone is flipping you off or mad at you, it will kill them. just smile and wave. The main part that interested me and was more true for my situation, be as nice as you can in all situations. Smile, that'll drive em crazy. Nod in agreement even if you want to bash them in the face. Keep eye contact, as hard as that is, all the time keeping that smile. So that is suppose to drive themmmm crazy? Is it suppose to drive me crazy at the same time? Cause it does! And what about the people that ignore you? Look you in the eye and cannot even say hi to you? What is that? It doesn't say anything about those inconsiderate selfish people in the article. Smile, that is the answer, just smile. I do and I did. The article even says go beyond that and do nice things for these people, little gifts, and things like that. For me, that is pushing it a little to far I think I will stick to the smile and only when I a forced to do so, after all I have busted my ass in the past for them and have been used enough, there has to be an end to that, at least for me. I feel I am at a point in my life where illness has striped so much from me. I need to be nice, yes I do, but I do not need to keep playing games. I'll be nice when I need to and avoid all the meaningless crap that just wears me down even more. I will continue to kill people with kindness even when I know they don't give a shit one way or another I will t hank God for his grace because I sure do need it right now.
God Bless!
Dianne
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