Doors, there are all kinds. Bathroom doors, bedroom doors, front doors, basement doors, garage doors, the list could go on. I assume, like me, many of my fellow sicko's can relate to many other types of doors. The doors that when they are open can cause havoc on our bodies. The door's that may have been opened in the past but then for some odd reason they close for a while. Or the doors that decide to reopen once again. The doors that cause pain to rear its ugly head once again. The doors that open and are new doors and cause us new symptoms we may never have experienced with other doors.
Over the past six months or so a door had closed for me. How joyous! My hip pain that I have dealt with for many years had all but subsided. I thought many times, a miracle, no more pain. I blocked the pain out of my mind because when you are in pain it is a life controlling beast but when it goes away you somehow forget it. It is comparable to child birth if you have ever had a child, you forget the pain and focus on the good. A few weeks ago the hip pain door was reopened once again. The excruciating pain at night that wakes me up when I am dog tired from living with the daily pain of walking. My hip pain in the past was from Meralgia paresthetica which is basically a nerve being pinched that runs down your hip/leg. There are times it makes me crazy. It burns, itches, feels numb, hurts, and basically is a huge annoyance. The other day when I went to Dr Key my Rheumatologist she found I also had bursitis in that hip area and injected me with, as she called it, a cocktail of steroids and whatever else she mixed up in her little laboratory on her counter. Within a few days the pain got better but I am still having the itching and numbness. I am thankful for the cocktail shot since it is helping me to sleep better and I am not be awaken with the stabbing pain I was experiencing before the injection. The main reason I am having the bursitis is because of the foot pain I have been dealing with for over a year now that no one seems to be able to help me with. I am walking on my foot wrong and it is causing my hip to hurt, it is nothing but a vicious cycle. I had hope that one of my favorite doctors was going to return to the area. He was the only one who was able to help me with my hip pain but now I found out he is moving out of state and I am heartbroken. I feel like I am stuck and I don't know where to go for help. Frustrating to say the least but chronic illness always is.
Then there are the other doors. The doors that really are goodness and not just a thought in my head. The doors of the people that surround me and bring me joy. The biggest door of all. Rich. He is like the huge doors to a castle. You know the ones where there is a moat and a bridge to get to them? They are the biggest doors of all because they are always open. They are huge like his heart. Getting Eva has proved to me he would go to the ends of the earth for me. I know that anyways but for some reason he gets joy in seeing me happy. I know it is becuase he lives with this disease as I do but he sure doesn't have to be that nice all the time. It is heartbreaking for me and I am humbled someone would have such a large door that is always open for me. It can't be easy for him. Then there are our children and my parents. Always there with their doors open although many times I keep mine closed not wanting to be a burden to them. It is better that way, at least for me. Then the little doors of a five year old and an almost three year old running to me and giving me so much love. Hunter and Addi have opened doors for me I never thought imaginable. I am blessed beyond measure, pain and all!
I don't know about you but sometimes I can picture myself kicking the
doors down, burning them and praying they never return. If I mentally can
win at knocking the door down, maybe, just maybe, it will be the last
time any of those doors might be opened again. But then just as fast as I want to
kick and burn a door another one opens, the ones of love and goodness that keep me moving ahead day to day. Those doors are enough for me!
God Bless!
Dianne
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