I am here once again. Today I have no reason what so ever to be here. It is funny because when I am doing good I do not feel the need to come to my blog. I have no idea why I am being pulled here today but I am. Mind games I guess.
Chronic illness is so strange on so many levels. At times it hits you like a mack truck, head on and other times it is like a slow flowing bike ride in the wind. You are riding along and everything is going smooth, smooth for you, but still there it is waiting in the shadows. It lingers in your mind and at times throughout the day it reminds you it is there. It isn't speaking as loud when it is in the calmed stage but still speaks none the less. It never really goes away. You may be feeling very good, good as you see good, but right there in the back of your mind the fear factor sits. I think the chronic ill have an extra little space in their brain that harbors the thought that it may return at any instant. The mind games are the hardest to master or even to win. I feel the mind games are always just one step ahead of me even when I try not to let them be. This week I feel like I am winning but I can hear the quiet whisper saying, "I'm here, don't forget me." I wish I could take an eraser and wipe clean the fear factor but until I am cured or dead I am sure it will be there, as much as I hate it and try to fight it.
I still believe God is good. I really do and I believe he knows what he is doing. I haven't been bad from a symptom standpoint for a little over a week now. I feel the pain meds I am on are helping me to feel better and I am thankful. The flip side is that now my foot is driving me bonkers with pain. This is not something I have had to deal with in the past so I am almost sure God is giving me good symptom control so I can deal with the foot pain because if I had all the other stuff on top of the foot pain I would be a total mess, physically and emotionally. Yes, I will get over this and I am hoping for a cure to the foot pain, soon. Hoping this is a temporary thing although I did read people who suffer with RA are more prone to have plantar faciiatis so that is not a what I really wanted to read. I will plug on with my usual mind over matter attitude and get through this too! What else is there to do. You take one thing at a time and deal with it the best you can. I would much rather have foot pain than muscle weakness! I am still able to hobble around so I am very thankful for that!
I hope if you are a sufferer in anyway that you also are able to control the fear factor and mind games you face, with somewhat of a positive attitude. I find it is so much easier to be positive when I am in the gentle breeze bike riding times than it is when the mack truck hits me. So for now, for this minute I will enjoy the good, always remembering the bad, which in many ways helps me apprecate the good so much more. I hope you are able to do the same!
God Bless!
Dianne
No comments:
Post a Comment