Once again I am forced to prepare for another "new" doctor appointment. You could never imagine the pain and ache it causes in my heart when I am forced to begin preparing for a "new doctor appointment. Even when I am use to my "usual" doctors I become anxious before I have to go, but when it is a "new" doctor it brings on even more extreme anxiety for me. I was reviewing my medical history and all my diagnosis as I prepare for the appointment and there are over twenty diagnosis. Seriously people think about it. You are a new patient with a "new" doctor who does not know you in any way shape or form. They look at your history, and ongoing diagnosis'. What do you think they think when they see over twenty diagnosis listed? Hypochondriac? Hell, if I was a doc or if someone told me they had my history I might think that too and I am the one living it. Believe me it is all real. I hate my body or is it that my body hates me? I don't know but I do know God put the wrong soul in the wrong body because they do not fit well with one another.
I will never be able to explain to anyone how hard it is for me to see my regular doctors with whom I am use to and who know me from a medical standpoint, the ones whom understand when I come in that I really am sick. I am trying not to think of the look on the "new" doctors face when I go Monday. I know the look. I have a innate way of reading energy that is sent off of people. I have it all the time. I am one of those people who can feel bad energy in an instant. I can sense when someone is genuine or shady. Many times it is a good sense to have but other times, like the first time I meet with a "new" doctor, it just plain sucks to be honest.
My thoughts go to the question of, What is this doctor going to do with me? Will he tell me to continue to do what I have been doing or will he sincerely want to help me? I can't take the whole, you can't be having another problem look on his face. I just can't. There are times my world sucks, like when I must see a "new" doctor. Seriously? I can handle the pain and other symptoms and they cause me less stress than the thought of meeting a "new" doctor. I can tell this will be a rough weekend. I will have to keep busy to keep my mind off the doctor thoughts. I hate that my mind always makes my doctor's appointments worse then they ever end up to be. Or plan B, bring Rich. It seems when he comes with me doctors take me more serious. I don't get that either but whatever. It is a man's world.
In my head I am trying to focus on the good. I will have a good weekend. I will have a good weekend. I will have a weekend! I will not think too much about my appointment. I will try to keep a positive mind set on meeting this "new" doctor as hard as it may be for me. I will focus on my time with Rich, my family and our friends. I am glad we have plans for tomorrow night so I can only think of having fun and laughing while I bury the anxiety of meeting the "new" doctor. I still miss Doctor Hayes so much he would have had me better by now with this whole foot problem. I am sad that there is not a day I do not remember the one doctor who really truly cared for helping me feel better and was always there for me on that level. Oh well, people move on, even doctors. Life goes on and we make the best of each and everyday whether we are meeting a "new" doctor or not!
So here is to a positive weekend!
God Bless!
Dianne
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