Rich and I just got back from a two night get away. We spent most of our time riding around looking at the beautiful fall colors and taking a few short walks. It was a perfect get away except for one thing. It was way too short. When we first started talking about going to the UP we were excited and were talking about visiting some good friends in Hancock Michigan. We tentatively planned to go up there on Saturday and stay until Sunday and leave after the church service at the church where our friend and his wife serve. Well, if you know me at all or know all my struggles we are now home and did not go that far north. It is just to hard for me to even take a few days away and continue to burn the extra energy. If you know me and read my entries you know what happens when I over do it, so nothing extra was added to the weekend.
We are now home and along with our color show we had a lot of conversation. Conversations that I am sure many people are having right now. Elections talk, ughhh, as much as I hate it because of the stress the elections bring with all the round and round that goes on. All the lies, all the crap. Enough said.
I actually did pretty well physically but we did spend a lot of time in the car so it would be no surprise I did okay. I would have loved to be able to walk through some of our destination but I am just to out of shape and weak. When we reached one destination there was a sign with a walking trail. It pained me so because I really wanted to go all the way. We went a little ways and I reminded Rich that I have to be able to make it back to the car and we better not walk too far. He knows and he agreed. It is so painful for me when that happens. I know he, and most others, can walk the trail with no problem and not have to think about getting back but for me the end is always in mind in regards to my body and physical shape. Believe me I am not using that for an excuse as most people think. It is just that the body rules and not the, I wants, that are in my head. I understand it is hard for many people to understand that concept because they have never had an experience that has made them have to understand this, and until they do, they never will. It is like many things in life. You don't know what it is like to lose a parent until you do, and so on. I am fortunate Rich does understand. It makes it so much easier as I know of others who have husbands who don't.
I felt like I accomplished so much on this trip. The biggest thing is I went. Yes, that is a huge deal, just going, just getting out of the house. the energy it took to just pack was horrific. I know that sound crazy and ridiculous because for most that is the minor inconvenience of going on a trip. I packed, I went, and I had a nice time so that is a score for me!
I thought, as we were in the car, about getting my body stronger. I am starting a yoga class tomorrow and I am both anxious and excited. For one thing , I took the step and signed up for the class. For another I took the control over my body and said we are getting moving. I do move a lot during the day. Sitting too much causes me to get stiff and my neck causes me a lot of pain if I sit too long. I am sure the regular moving I do will not compare to the yoga. Believe me, I am going to take this yoga thing slow, very slow. I have no idea what kind of a flare it might send me into or if it will. This is a test, only a test. My hope is that it works and helps me become stronger so I can continue to move up in the class levels or hopefully get a little stronger so I can start to walk more. The scary part for me is my stiffness. The weakness is a problem but if I am stiff and try to pull my muscles too much it sends me into more pain, but my hope is the yoga loosens me up more. It is the vicious circle of pain and weakness that starts when you decide to push yourself too much. It is hard for me because I am a perfectionist. If I can't do it perfect I become very discouraged and give up. I have made up my mind I am not going to do that this time. If I have to spend the first few weeks only doing the breathing then so be it. Well, that too can be a problem when you suffer from shortness of breath and when you do breathing exercises it feels like an elephant is standing on your chest. There again, the vicious cycle that never ends. I will stop with all the blah, blah, blah for now and concentrate on the benefits I am hoping to get out of the yoga class and the the hope it lights a fire in me to move more and more in the right direction to wellness.
It isn't easy to set personal goals for yourself when it is a struggle to do the everyday little things that everyone else takes for granted, but if I don't at least try to take control I will stay stuck in the pit. The pit that takes over and makes you begin to believe you really can't do it or you really never will be able to do it. I have to take the control and once again try something new with the goal in mind that this may be it. This may be what I need. This may be what works. It is a never ending battle that one day I hope to win!
God Bless!
Dianne
No comments:
Post a Comment