I love Darius Ruckers because his voice and songs always have a heartfelt meaning and easy flowing story to them and they are so easy to connect to. One song I particularly love is Southern State of Mind. It is about how, no matter where he is, his southern roots are always with him and always on his mind. I woke up this morning with yet another splitting headache, which I am sure would have turned into a full blown migraine if I were not back on steroids. The horrible stabbing behind my right eye that wakes me up was back for a visit. Pain that is so bad you don't want to move so you just lay there telling yourself it will go away only to wake up a couple of minutes later from the knife like pain. I know I need to grab the Excedrin Migraine but I always try or at least hope it goes away first. I finally gave in, grabbed the bottle and tried to go back to sleep with no avail. All the time my mind telling me to get up and get the strong cup up coffee which, for me, has been working lately. Thank you Jesus! Before I actually got out of bed I laid there with the big crocodile tears rolling down my face feeling sad, angry, and just plain wore out. Then Darius came to mind, Southern State of Mind song started to blare from the radio in my head. I never know which station will be on but it is usually within minutes after waking, before I even lay my feet on the floor, the tunes start to blare in my head, migraine, pain, or whatever I wake up to, there is always a song to relate.
I laid there trying to convinced my self to get up as I was thinking of the words to the song and I tried to twist it somewhat. Then it came to me, I'm in a negative state of mind. I looked back over the past three months, almost four months, of hell with my foot, added to the many other issues I still have to deal with. It is like a brick house, layer upon layer, upon layer. It seems it will never end and by the time I am done with this I should have a beautiful mansion with a paved driveway right up to heaven. I laid there and just had tears, no sobbing, just tears rolling down my face, I almost didn't even notice until my pillow was wet. It is strange how the soul and the body can be so well connected. I never realized thinking so deeply could cause the tears to just let lose like that. After a few minutes of the negative thoughts my thinking turned to my sweet friend and inspiration Lisa K. Gigliotti J.D. Lisa is the angel I have talked about many times who wrote the book Coraggio! Lessons for Living From an Italian Grandmother Despite Illness, Pain, and Loss. Lisa's books are a part of my everyday life. They sit on my end table or mostly right beside me on the couch everyday. Lisa has RA and MG and she is such an inspiration. Lisa has taught me to think differently when I am down, like I have been lately. She has taught me to be in The Positive State of Mind. When you think of a negative thought, or an, "I can't" thought you must rephrase the thought to a positive way of thinking, an "I can" thought, for this I am indebted to her for life. Her influence on me and many others has been a true inspiration.
If you are interested in her books you find all the information on her facebook page: Coraggio - Lessons for Living From an Italian Grandmother. Her stories will blow you away. You think you have problems, struggles? Think again. Lisa has been through more than anyone I know and she is still a positive happy soul with a huge smile on her face. Her soul radiates on her face. She is a true angel sent by God to inspire all of us! I hope you take the step and order at least her first book you will not regret it.
For today as I awoke and laid there, basically feeling sorry for myself in my funk, I thought this is ridiculous. I thought of Lisa and I thought to myself, you have got to pull yourself out of this. You cannot continue to be so angry. Believe me when I say the past few months I have not been easy to live with, that is an understatement. "Extra" pain, is exhausting on top of all else and that in turn can make you very edgy. I have been short with Rich, I feel awful. It is like he cannot do anything right and I am not one to hold words back words either, so that doesn't help anything. Rich as always understands and still cares, I don't know how he can do it. I even found myself staying in bed until he left this morning just so I didn't have the change to snap his head off before he left. Plus, if he knew I had a headache he would just worry about me all day and with the stress of his job he sure doesn't need anymore added stress. When I waddled my way into the kitchen there on the counter is the love note telling me he hopes my foot and my beautiful body feel better today. I tell you I do not deserve any of that after the way I have been. God gave me another angel because there is no way any other man would put up with this hell. I can hardly stand myself right now and I cannot understand how he can be the way he is. God knew. In fact he just told me that the other day when I apologized to him for being so mean lately. He said, "God knew I needed you and he knew you needed me." He always makes it sound so simple. I am blessed!
Today in honor of Rich, Lisa and for all the other people I know out there who suffer on a daily, and sometimes on a minute by minute basis, I declare this, "I'm In A Positive State Of Mind Day!" We can write our own song to go along with Darius' tune. I/We will all vow to be aware of our attitude. If we think we can't, we will tell ourselves we can! Thanks Lisa! If we want to complain, we will find something to do to help someone else and forget about ourselves! Thanks Lisa! If we head down the self pity road, we will focus on what we have and not on what we don't have! Thanks Lisa! If we need a pick me up we will not plop down and do nothing, we will find a song, a book (Lisa's of course), or a tv show that inspire us to do better and be better! Thanks Lisa! This one is especially for me, When I want to take my illness out on another person by being mean, I will be nice! Thanks Lisa! I will bite my tongue. Instead of making snide remarks for something someone didn't do the way I wanted them to do it, I will thank them and appreciate them! Thanks Lisa! This is it. This is the day we pull ourselves, or at least I will, out of the funk and get back into the groove! Thanks Lisa!
God Bless!
Dianne
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