I saw this quote yesterday and I have no idea why I cannot get it out of my head. I think about the moment a lot, this moment, the moment I am in. I wonder how many other people do. Do you? I know my life is much different and I do not have the luxury of living the normal life that most people are able to live. I guess never knowing what the day is going to bring in some odd way forces you to re-evaluate your life. When your health becomes some sort of a full time job you begin to morph into the person God created you to be. It isn't like I never appreciated all I had or the people who surround me but now it is different. I delight in such simple things. A room full of the ones I love, a song, a wild animal, the joy of just knowing Rich will be home from work in a few hours. Things like that. I try not to think to far ahead and making plans, for me, is like a far off thought. We might make plans for the weekend but for me it is almost like I cannot even process the weekend as I am trying to focus and get through today and the now. Plus, I have no idea if that day is going to be a good day or a bad day so plans for me are a far off dream. While most people live for their weekend plans there are times I dread them. I must always stay one step ahead of the game, ahead of the real world, and live in the moment. I have said it before this was very hard for me in the beginning stages of my illness but over the years it has become easier. The past few years I have made even more changes. Changes that are right for me, for my health. I fought it for so long but now it feels good to say no and do what is right for me. The sad part is I just don't care anymore if people get upset with me. They have no idea what I live with so it is all good. I don't care what people think anymore. It sucks up so much energy to worry about everyone else all the time. I don't have time for that anymore as I am trying to live in the moment.
I don't go out in the world much, especially now with all this flu going around, but when I do it is always like some sort of a freak show for me. The few times I did go to the store for a few items for Christmas it amazed me the kindness that surrounded me. Yesterday I went to the store very quickly for a few items, avoiding everyone around me because of the germs, but saw a little different scenario. People didn't seem as kind after Christmas. This is one of the things that drives me bonkers about Christmas. It made me think even more about the moment. The few people that did surround me were in a rush, to busy to be kind, and surely not living in the moment. I wish people could step back and take a look at themselves and see what they look like when they are out there in the world. For me, I live in the world of, "What if this is my last moment? What if this trip to the store is my last and on the way home it ends? Do I want it to end being rude to the strangers I meet?" I know it is a crazy way of thinking but when you are ill and on life threatening drugs you can't help but come to grips with your death. You also cannot help but come to grips with living in the moment.
I hope after you read this you can think about the moments more. I hope you can learn to live in the moment you are in instead of worrying about tonight or tomorrow, Friday, or the weekend. Yes, I know life is full of planning and that is a fact but make your plans and live in the now. How many precious moments pass you by as you are looking forward to that date on your calendar? I am teaching Rich this concept and he is much more aware and is really liking it. He will even say, "I know, live in the moment. I am trying." It is hard to do but as with everything we are all a work in progress, even me. Thanks for sharing a few of your moments with me I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart!
God Bless!
Dianne
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