I am pretty sure if you go back in my blog to this time last year I wrote pretty much the same thing I am going to write now. I'm funny like that I usually don't change my thoughts or ways and stick to the same ways of thinking year after year as many of us do. All the New Years Resolutions to lose weight, eat healthier, stress less, are upon us once again. The reason I write this is to write I am not into resolutions for the New Year, never have been and probably never will be. Yes, I make the same vows as all of you but my vows/resolutions are pretty much based on a daily basis, and I am sure many of my vows to myself look very different than those of the healthy world.
I write this because, for me, my life is a resolution everyday single of the year. My vow to myself to get out of bed and make the best of each day no matter how my body decides to attack me. It is funny because I have been thinking about writing this blog entry for the past twenty-four hours and I put it off until this morning knowing when I went to bed last night this is what I was going to be doing this morning if I were given another day, writing this. When I woke up this morning I was slammed once again with neck pain and a slight migraine that I am trying to ignore, if that is possible. My vision is blurry and distorted and making it very hard to focus on anything without it swaying all over the place. But here I am, keeping my daily resolution NOT to let anything stop me from pushing on. Yes, it is a huge struggle on some days to fight it. It is really hard on some days, days like this, not to crawl back in bed and lay there until the middle of the afternoon but if I do that then, number one illness wins, and number two I am not holding up to my end of the bargain, my daily resolution to fight. Believe me I will not go down without that fight! Bullheaded? Yup that's me.
Yes, I made the typical resolutions as most of you to lose weight, exercise more, blah, blah, blah, but more importantly to me is to live normally in MY world which is not as normal as many others world. I downed my handful of meds and vitamins this morning. Later today I shoot myself up with Methotrexate. Tonight I take more meds, not so normal for some but for me a way of life. I fought it all for so many years and some days I still do, although I have come to some realization this is my normal now. I don't like it but it is what it is. Rich always tells me the meds are my cure, at least for now. I have to try to believe that as I wish I could throw them all away and never take another pill or give myself another shot, but the minute I start messing with my normal med schedule I pay and I pay dearly. I hope this year I can resolve to the fact this is it and accept it for what it is. Today I feel I can but who knows what tomorrow or next week will bring. This is why when you have chronic illness you resolve to live one day at a time because you have no idea what tomorrow will bring or how you will handle it emotionally. You embrace the day you are given and do the best you can. Today I am hoping for the best year I could possibly have and accepting my daily resolutions, doing the best I can to stick to them. I hope you are able to do the same in your struggles.
God Bless!
Dianne
No comments:
Post a Comment