Just when I think life has settled down a bit all hell breaks loose. I made it thorough Christmas. I have been very careful with germs and staying home so I don't get sick. Yes, for the normal world it is no big deal, all those little things that have to get done. But for me when all the little things hit or one big thing hits it is exhausting and can send me into autoimmune hell.
Our dog has been seriously ill with pancreatitis since Christmas. She was in the hospital for three days after Christmas and we thought she was better and then she had a relapse and became even sicker than the first time. I had to take her to Michigan State and after a long day and many tests they found her pancreatitis was still there and very severe. They wanted to keep her there but I had an uneasy feeling as far as leaving her there so I called her doctor at Allendale Animal Hospital and asked if they would be willing to take her back once again. The doctor was happy to take her back so I took her home with me all drugged up and she slept until the next morning when I brought her back to Allendale Hospital. I was uneasy about leaving her at State since it is a teaching hospital I figured they would have all the students poking and proding her. She has had a rough enough life with all the abuse she endured in early life I didn't dare leave her. Allendale Animal Hospital took very good care of her for four more days and she is home now. Having her ill brought back that sick feeling that you get when one of your children are sick. The worry is so tiring. It weights on you and wears you out. I know this is not good for my health but it is one of those, "What are you gonna do?" things that you just have to push your way through. Many times I am able to control how much I do and where I spend my energy, the little I energy I have, but when it is an urgent weigh-ty issue and you have no choice and you do what you have to do and pay later. We are both resting comfortably today after three weeks of uncertainty.
I am sure when you read the title of this entry you thought it was going to be about weight so I wouldn't want to disappoint you. A totally separate issues than the dog saga. As soon as I weaned off the Xanax I gained instant weight. I have no idea why but in one weeks time I put on fifteen pounds, no kidding. I didn't eat differently than usual but gained. Yes, I did indulged a little more on sweets over the Holidays but surely not enough to gain that much weight. It is so annoying to constantly have your weight be such a weigh-ty issue. It gets really annoying when you don't eat like the normal world but still have issues with weight. I don't do drive thru's. I don't drink pop. I try to stay away from sweets except for the occasional treat. I try to cook healthy during the week the best I can. I stay away from carbs although this can be my weakness. I just don't get it. It gets so frustrating and my weight has been a weigh-ty issue for me my whole life. I am happy to say I have lost four of those extra pounds and I attribute it to the protein shakes I started drinking every morning for breakfast. I do believe this helps me because when I was drinking them before I lost or at least maintained my weight. The worst part for me is Rich always tells me how good I look and it makes me not care about my weight as much as I should. I know this is going to continue to be a weigh-ty issue for me for the rest of my life.
The other day my daughter told me I am too nice. It made me think for the past few days. Is it really possible to be too nice? I can't believe it is but then again maybe I am or at least was in my past life of normalcy. A weigh-ty issue for me. When our kids were little I did a lot. involved at school, church, and helped a lot of people on the side. I never said no to anyone. I was brought up by the golden rule so for me it was second nature to help people. Sometimes I wonder if my illness was caused by stress, stresses I brought on myself by not taking such good care of myself when I was younger. I have had certain people take total advantage of me because of my willingness to help others. Funny how I never saw it then but I sure can see it now as I look back. I have learned over the years that I don't always have to say yes or be the one who does it all. It feels really good to finally get here. Did the stress of my younger years force my body to have some sort of immune response that caused me to become ill? I don't know but I do know there is some evidence that stress can and does contribute to autoimmunes and having tramatic events can also contribute. I was taken advantage of horribly by a family member and I allowed it. I was so blind. This is a very weigh-ty issue for me as I can't change the past but have learned to use it to my advantage now. I have grown and learned that I have to take care of myself in order to be any help to someone else. We are all a work in progress.
My list of weigh-ty issues could go on and on but for now I will stop. I am sure as you read this you are thinking of some of your own weigh-ty issues. Whether they are your weight, people, a family member, or friend I hope you can either learn a lesson from them or maybe you have already learned your lesson from them. Embrace your weigh-ty issues but don't allow others to take advantage of you. Be your own person and if that means saying no then by all means say no. Don't worry about what the other person will think of you but worry about what you think of yourself. It is okay, really! I have learned you cannot be any good to anyone else unless you are good to yourself. I hope you can or have learned that too!
God Bless!
Dianne
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