When I left the doctors office with a new script the other day I had an uneasy feeling about it right from the get to. It was like I was hit upside the head with this medication change and it came out of no where. I had no time to think or do any research on the new drug and for me any change, even a little one, can have big consequences.
My new doc does not like me on Xanax at night for sleep so when I went to the doc Monday to have my foot checked and asked for a refill I was told we do not do that in this office. This is fine, really, but what will I do now to fall asleep? New doc said to try Traxodone at a very low dose it is an antidepressant used for sleep in very low doses. I thought to myself, as I was blindsided, this will either be good or bad. I talked to my Rheumatologist about it and she was good with the change too, although concerned about stopping the Xanax cold turkey after being on it over three years. The past two nights I did not take any Xanax, only the Trazodone. Well, let me tell you, this was no good. It surely is not for me. Within an hour of taking it the first night I got a headache and my heart raced all night long. I didn't sleep well at all. Then I took it again last night thinking maybe the first night was just a fluke, wrong. Last night was even worse than the first night. I did not sleep a wink. I was hyper when I went to bed, had a headache, heart racing and I knew it was going to be a long night. Today I feel like I was out all night partying and I have a hangover. I am shaky and just do not feel well at all. We mustn't forget sleep is extremely important to people with chronic illness.If I do not get ten hours a night I suffer.
When I finally got up this morning at five am I started to think about this more. I did a little more research to find some people cannot take this drug because of what I described above. When Rich left for work at eight this morning I tried to lay back down to at least get a little rest. I laid there for an hour not being able to go to sleep and I am tired. The more I thought about this I have made a decision, one that my Rheumatologist told me to do, as she said, "With you everything has to be done slooowwlllyyy especially when weaning off a drug." She seems to be the only one who understands me and always says I am a difficult case and she never knows what she is going to get, she means it in nicest way, and I totally agree.She is one smart lady let me tell you!
My new decision is to cut back slowly on the Xanax for now. I am going to take my time for now I will alternate one pill and a half of pill every other night. If and when my body tolerates it and adjusts I will cut down to a half a pill every night. When I tolerate that I will cut down more and more, very slowly. It is just like when I cut down on the steroids, go slow. Dr. Key tells me to go very slowly because if I do it like other people I suffer. You would think after living like this for so long I would know the game. I always have to learn it the hard way. I am thankful I always have Dr. Key to put me back in my place she is a God send for me. I am indebted to her for her care and her understanding of my illness.
Today I will push on. I fell horrible to say the least but I will be just fine. We are watching Addi tonight so I will keep looking forward to our time with her which will keep me focused on the good and not the bad side of all of this. I know in the end this will all turn out fine but I sure do wish I could listen to that voice inside my head that tells me not to make those big changes so fast. I guess it is human nature but when you are ill having to even think about making a med change is stressful, you just want to do it now so it is done and you don't have to concern yourself with it. There are so many components to it. It is not like everyone else who can just stop something and start a new, it is a long brutal process that can be exhausting by the time it is done. In my head I always try to ask myself, "What would Dr. Key say?" along with listening to my inner voice. This time I failed miserably but not today. Today is a new day and I will do what is right for me not what is right for anyone else. I hope my new doc can learn a lesson about me and what I need as far as my care, which is unlike anyone else. It is my body, my choices, my decisions. I know Xanax is a bad drug to take. I totally agree but for me it works for sleep. If this is what I need then this is what I need, although for now I will try to get off it and find a better solution and go from there. I use to take benedryl liquid for sleep and I may try that once I am weaned off the Xanax but for now it is going to be a long, slow ride of Xanax detox and I know in the end it will all get figured out somehow. Ah, the joys of illness.
God Bless!
Dianne
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