I had an appointment with a new foot doctor today. It went well. I really liked him and he actually spent time with me without whirling in like a tornado only to swoop right out the door like the last doc did. I think it helped that I took Steph with me and she works with him at the surgery center. Hey, you have to use whatever you can when you are ill, this time it was my daughter. Like I have said many times before, for some reason when you see a new doctor and have to go over your history with them you get that deer in the headlight look, like they are thinking there is no way you can have this much going on. Well, guess what? Ah, ya I do. This doc wasn't like that at all. Very soft spoken and kind. He could tell by just feeling my two feet that the left one was swollen and warm, and this is a good day so I told him. It really is compared to this past weekend,
I must admit even though I got more answers as to why I am having such problems it still puts me somewhat down in the dumps. I did get another steroid injection so I hope to have some relief by Saturday but hearing that this could take up to two years to repair itself is such a downer, although I am very happy he said with shots and new inserts I would have some relief as it get better. The biggest problem that annoys me to pieces is that I just received new inserts, from a nameless place, and the foot doctor said are not right. So for almost three months now I have been wearing the wrong inserts which may be causing more of the problem? Seriously? I swear it could only happen to me. I go to one doc and they tell me something, I get no relief so I go to another, and they tell me something else. It gets so annoying and expensive even with insurance. What is a person to do?
I have wrote before that I have accepted being ill. Then, it hits me I haven't accepted it. then, I flip back to being okay with it. Days like today make me sick to my stomach, antsy, sad, angry, annoyed, and just plain pissed off. I have to work hard to keep my head on straight but it seems like just when I think I am doing better I find out more stuff I just really didn't want to know. Today I found out my fascia, plantar fasciitis, is much worse than most of them he see's in woman. Well, of course, it is me, did you really expect it to be a simple solution? Surgery can fix the problem and may be an easy fix for some, but I am not willing, nor do I even want to talk about that option. The past few days the pain has been somewhat better so like I told the doc, "I can live like this, with this pain level." Now if you would have told me about surgery this past weekend I would have said, 'Put me out now and get it over with and hurry up!' Who knows what tomorrow will bring. No one.
Right now, in this moment, I am going to keep my mind on the positive. I got the steroid injection which is a good thing. I have to keep thinking this is good. The doc treated me with respect and not like I am an idiot, which is good. I may have some good pain control for a few weeks from the injection, which is good. I have people who love and support me through all of this even when I have had it up to my eyeballs, which is good. This all will end someday, which is good. Good, good, good. I will continue to keep my chin up when all I want to do is ball my eyes out, funny how pain has a way of doing that to you. It can exhaust you to the core. I am not going to repeat the bad thoughts that are coming to my mind so easily as I sit here typing. I could write a page of those, but I won't. I won't allow it. So for now I press on as all of us who suffer from chronic illness do, after all this all does have to end someday, right?
God Bless!
Dianne
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