I Am Blessed

Before I start I want to make clear, I know I shouldn't be writing this, that being said I am writing it anyways. Lol. Last time I did this it bit me in the tooshie. In some odd way writing this stuff down helps me to process all that is going on even on the good days, if that makes any sense.

Yesterday Rich said he was happy that I was I seemed to be doing more and that I must be feeling better. I answered him with a, "yes I am." Little does he know I started taking the Tramadol on a regular basis once again and for some reason that is like a miracle drug for me. I have no idea how it works but it definitely takes the egde off of the pain and gives me more energy. I wonder if it really gives me more energy or if I have more energy because I have less pain? Pain is exhausting to say the least. If you have ever had chronic pain you understand this. I am hopeful this will make it a good holiday week and weekend since our family will all be together. I am excited to spend some time with Richie and Leah once again but being sick can wreak that real fast! Having them here is the best medicine ever for me. I love having all of the family together in the same room. I am blessed!

I also have started to take the same pain med at bedtime which helps me to get a better nights sleep. I am in a good cycle for now in regards to my neck pain and I am trying to be aware and not do anything that will aggravate it. Even the smallest of physical labor can send me into a tail spin of pain and migraines for days. I also began taking 500mg Magnesium which is suppose to help with migraines so we will see if that works or at least cuts the migraine frequency down a bit. I am hopeful and blessed!

Tomorrow I see the foot doctor once again. If I can get this foot pain under control I will be all set. The pain has become excruciating once again to a point of where I can hardly stand it. It is the kind of pain that you want to pull your hair out of your head. Stabbing, gnawing pain that at times is unbearable even on the pain meds. I am nervous about going back to the doc once again and having to hear, "Just give it time." Ya, I bet if the person treating me had pain like this they would never be able to handle it for one day. That is the one thing I have the hardest time understanding about the medical community. When it is just another patient or just another case their answer is always to "give it time." I always wonder to myself, if I was your mother would you say the same thing to to her? If I was your wife or husband would you say the same to them? If I was your child would you say the same to one of them? Just "give it time?" I think it funny because many times when you go to the doc you aren't in as much pain or you "look good" so how can you possibly be in pain? I wish I could let a doctor jump in my body for a week and feel what it is really like, then lets have a consultation about how your week went doc! I sure cannot say this about my regular docs that I see because they are all wonderful and understand what is going on with me but when I, or someone I love, has to see a doc for a specific problem it seems the "wait and see is always the answer. Annoying! I am to the point of not going to the doctor anymore unless it is something that I have to go for, my foot included. Ugh, not looking forward to tomorrow but I have come to a decision. Next February is one year since foot pain D-day. February 10 to be exact. Funny how you can remember things like that. I am going to tell him I don't want to come back to him anymore until the one year mark and then we will go from there. It is a waste of my time and money to continue to go every month and hear the same thing. I feel pretty much over it and if I have to live like this then I guess I have to buck it up and deal with it. Period. I am still hopeful for a cure after all these months and even with the ongoing foot issues I am blessed!

It is Thanksgiving week. I have much to be thankful for. Being chronically ill is NOT one of them, but what I have learned is. Spending time with the people who love me and truly understand and support me tops the list of blessings. All else is petty crap. I will continue to keep a positive mind set even when I get frustrated with all I must face on a daily basis. I am blessed!

God Bless!

Dianne