I Finally Made It

Well, one more goal met. I remember when I first became sick and tried to deal with not only the physical symptoms of being sick but the also the emotional symptoms/aspects. For a long time, even as sick as I was, I tried to fight it and keep up with the world. I thought I still had to be my old self. The self that could do everything. I continued to do as much as I could no matter how sick I was. I pushed myself so hard that looking back I wonder if it made me even sicker. If you know me at all I am stubborn as hell and I am a fighter. I don't give in very easily and I am pretty good at arguing when it comes to something I believe in. Although when I disagree with someone it can be easy for me to walk away or stay away from people who think their way is the right way or the only way. There are the times I wonder if my bullheaded demeanor made me even sicker. I do believe in the mind over matter when it comes to anything, especially illness. If I didn't believe it then I surely do not believe I would be here writing in my very own blog.

This past September marks my sixth year of dealing with my Inflammatory Arthritis and the neurological issues that are going on that seem to not have an answer. It is very frustrating to know and have the doctors tell you something is wrong but we just don't know what it is. You want to talk about being a strong person? Living each day feeling sick or different than the normal world and having no answer is its own hell. You know you are ill, they know you are ill, but their is no answer. Do you think you could do it? Live without an answer? It isn't easy and if you are not a strong person it could actually eat you alive or drive you into a mental hospital. I am fortunate to live with a man who understands. He sees my illness and is very supportive. He reminds me of past doctors appointments and what the doctors have said, especially on my bad days. He knows I am sick. The rest of the world doesn't. He lives it with me as the rest of the world only sees beautiful makeup and hair and a person dressed who looks just like them. Oh but on the inside I am much different. I am fighting a monster everyday, something most will never understand but that is okay because we do understand, we live it.

I met a friend on facebook who takes the natural approach to treating her arthritis. She has posted many good informational posts from her blog and I have learned a lot from her. Most importantly I have learned about stress and toxic people. You know and learn who your toxic people when you are ill, but then again I have always known. The ones who suck the life out of you always expecting you to do everything and bend for them but they are never willing to bend for you. They are always right and things always have to be their way. They know how you should live your life and are not afraid to tell you how. They think they can rule you and your family and are self centered and you are suppose to do what they say or else. Of all I have learned from my friends site the most important is that sometimes you must delete these people out of your life. The biggest question for me is how? How do you do this when some of these people are your so called family? I struggled with this especially for the first year. I stopped going to family events because every time I would go I would be sick the next day or depressed for a week after trying to understand how your so called family can be so rude. A few years back when something happened with this so called family the frosting was put on the cake for the last time. I  made the decision to cut ties except for when I absolutely had to see them. The first time year was hard but as time has gone on it had become so much easier. I don't feel bad or sad I feel refreshed and proud. Proud that I can finally make the choices for myself that are not only good for my health but for my soul and my emotional health. I watch people do things with others only to complain about it afterwards and I wonder why do we do it to ourselves? I am not willing to sacrifice anymore of my life to the energy sucking selfish people of the world. I feel I have done it long enough and it is time to focus on what is good in my life, the good people in my life, and what is right for me. I am grateful I have finally made it here it feel really good!

God Bless!

Dianne