Jealousy

I love this little saying it is so perfect for the world we live in. It seems, from my point of view, we are always comparing ourselves to others and always trying to keep up with everyone else. A perfect example and a simple one would be cell phones. You look around and it seems everyone has a iphone now. If you don't then you are so out of touch and are almost made to feel like you don't belong. I don't get it at all. Rich keeps telling me to go get one and it seems I really don't care if I have one or not so when I am out in public and I am forced to use my out of date phone I don't really care what people think but I am sure they are looking at me thinking old lady behind the times. Oh well so be it.

It seems we allow stuff to control us and when someone gets something we have to get something comparable or better, nonsense!. Stuff, just stuff. So trivial on this journey we call life. I watched my father in law for years collect things and when he died a few years back he didn't take anything, not one thing with him, he is now ashes. It's almost comical when you think about it. Fight and work your ass off to buy stuff you are either going to give away or sell, or who knows what will happen to it when you die. I have never been a big saver or buyer of stuff but now that I am packing up the house to move I am realizing all the stuff even a non-saver can collect and it almost makes me sick to my stomach. Ridiculous! I am so anxious to downsize and give it all to Goodwill or to the kids if you they are in need, most of it means nothing anyways. I also notice a pattern while going through the stuff. I am in ughhhhh mood when it is stuff that is meaningless but when I come to an art project one of the kids made me or something Hunter or Addi made me/us I find that is where the joy comes from. I know my face lights up and my heart warms, and at times tears well up in my eye, even know as I write. I think we need to stop getting caught up in what the world tells us. Get this, have that, and on and on. We need to focus on what really matters maybe just a few possessions that bring us joy and unload the rest, it is so freeing.

I watch people compare their children to one another. A different type of jealously. Young mothers almost trying to one up the other, well mine does this or that, is yours. It seems some mothers feel like their child isn't good enough if they aren't doing something someone else's is. It is ridiculous as children all progress on their own level at their own speed. I watched this with my three children. Katie had a horrible time in school it wasn't easy for her. Then Steph went and it was much easier for her, and by the time Richie went it was like he should have started out in third grade instead of kindergarten. It was so easy for him. Every year he would say the same thing, "We learned this last year and I am bored." While I watched Steph struggle a bit more and Katie struggle much much more I tried not to compare them to one another as I knew they would eventually grow up and graduate. Graduation was never an option at our house your WERE going to graduate no matter how hard of a time you had. They all did and now they are all adults making their own way in the world. I never compared them to others kids, they were ours, and we were proud of all of them no matter what. Although I do have to admit, the people who compared theirs to ours got to be annoying. Comments like your children are so perfect or Richie is the Golden Child, blah, blah, blah. Along with those comments were the, "You don't know what it is like to be in the real world because you don't work." I would just let the comments slide off my back. We, as a family, now have fun joking about all those comments but I can say I am a proud mama and I wouldn't change a thing, especially because of someone else's jealousy and insecurity. I hope our children can do the same with their children, Katie and Dave already are with Hunter, Addi and Mya. The world needs to realize and accept everyone where they are at. Just because something is right for you or works for you doesn't mean it is going to be right or work for someone else. I am pretty sure in our society I am still looked down on because I don't work. Kids are all gone and you don't work? What could you possibly do all day. Well, I could turn it right around and say, "You work full time? How do you possibly get anything done." You see there are always two sides to a story and we must learn to shut up when it comes to matters like this. As far as me not working, yes it is hard but It's okay because I am the only one who has to be okay with it, no one else.

Hence the reason I love the saying above: The greatest thing in life is finding someone who knows all your mistakes and differences and still finds you absolutely amazing. How come we don't find one another absolutely amazing? How come we allow jealously to rip apart relationships instead of rejoicing in one another and our successes? Or being there in one another's failures? How come we run when the bad hits? I don't understand any of it. As I have mentioned many times working as a Hospice worker it taught me so much. Watching families who were torn apart for year only to come back together when someone is dying. All the years lost and I will say mostly because of selfishness and bitter jealously. Time- you can't get it back. It is the one thing that rolls on and on with us having no control of it what so ever. You can't take back time when someone is laying on a bed dying it just doesn't happen. Yes, you can mend and apologize and think that it is all okay but it still eats away at people. The living must deal with the consequences of all that lost time while the dying person almost has the free pass. Family dynamics are deep and we don't think about them until something bad happens. It is sad. You know how I know? It isn't just because of Hospice but because I too live it. I have watched it over the past thirty years how evil can tear people apart. So our family, perfect? Nope, it isn't just like everyone else. Us, perfect parents, nope for sure. Our children  perfect? Nope, they have failed right along with everyone else. Jealous of one another? I don't think so. I hope and pray the one thing and most important thing I have taught my children is to remember your family, your brother and sisters are the ones who will be there in the hard times of life. Most others will flee so cling to them. Love them, don't become jealous and hateful, but embrace one another and one that day that you are laying in that bed dying you won't have any regrets.

God Bless!

Dianne