Rock Bottom

Finally...I think I have hit rock bottom. I have never said or even thought that before in my entire life. I don't know what it is but I have some pretty good ideas. First and foremost is decreasing these steroids. I am now down to 3 mg a day and I am at an all time low for some reason. I know you must decrease steroids slowly because when you are on them for a long period of time your adrenal glands actually stop working, so as you decrease the steroids your adrenals must "wake up" and start working again, it doesn't happen overnight.

This is what your adrenal glands do if you do not know what they are: The adrenal glands are comprised of two separate glands (the cortex and medulla) that produce hormones (chemicals messengers that regulate body functions). The medulla, or inner part of the adrenal glands, produces the hormones norepinephrine and epinephrine, which regulate the "fight or flight" response in the body, the body's reaction to stressful events. The cortex, the outer portion of the adrenal glands, produces several hormones that affect blood pressure and blood level levels, growth, as well as some sexual characteristics. Yes, I copied this paragraph so if I offend someone you can call and have me arrested. I would hate to be the police officer who came to the door because all of the above has turned me into a bitch, to put it mildly. 

Another thing they forgot to mention in the paragraph  is the fact that either being on to high a dose or tying to wean off a low dose of this evil drug is that it also has a way of trying to make you feel like you are going crazy. Forgetfulness, extreme fatigue, anger, sadness, your stomach telling you to eat everything in sight which leads to weight gain. I could go on but I get too pissed when I have to remember all the horrible things this drug can do to a body, to a person. This is why I have decided to decrease and get off steroids all together. It sure isn't easy. I hate everything right now. I'm trying not to, really, but it is hard when your body is so dependent on drugs to keep it functioning. I know it will get better and I know I will fight it to the end, bitter or otherwise.

I also need to add to the above when you are on steroids for chronic illness you are more than likely taking more that just that one drug for whatever is ailing you. I take Plauenil which is a pretty mild drug. When I first started the Plaquenil it was an easy ride I took it along with the low dose of steroids, this was back in 2006, so you have a pretty good idea how long I have been medicated, steroids included. These drugs helped to some degree but I was still suffering from symptoms so we decided to add the Methotrexate, the #2 drug from hell, this is actually a chemo drug given in low dose for some autoimmune diseases, need I say more? This was added early 2007. I started with the pill form and progressed to shots. In the past six months I decreased my shot in half because the side effects were almost too much to bear. I am way down on all meds except the Plaquenil. I feel like a walking zombie. Insert here ovarian cyst attack from hell. I had another ultrasound this past Wednesday which showed the right one is shrinking and I can go to a gynocologist if I want. The left one that was giving me the excruciating pain is gone although I am still experiencing the same back pain. I am having trouble understanding this and to tell you the truth understanding anything that has to do with the medical community. I believe when a doctor doesn't know what to do with you they refer you to one doc to another like a ping pong ball being bounced all over the place. I know I am a number to them but seriously? I am a person. It sure would be nice to be treated like one. Everything is so rehearsed too. I don't believe you can lump every person/patient into the same category, doctors must look at us a individuals not as, this is what the text book says. I am so tired of the medical community I feel I don't know where to turn anymore. Being the fool that I am, today I have to see another sleep specialist to see if she can help me with my so called insomnia. I have trouble falling asleep so I am suppose to get help learning how to fall asleep. I think it is probably like yoga learning to use your mind and letting it all go. I am going to see what happens if I am offered more drugs the doc will know where I stand. It is time I start taking charge. Thanks to hitting rock bottom!

Rock bottom isn't such a bad place to be. It makes you analize things and puts other things into perspective. It helps you devise plans you otherwise never thought you would. It helps you take control. I have come to a decision. I have decided to get off all my meds and see what happens. I figure I feel like crapola on them so what do I really have to lose off them? What's the difference? Who knows maybe after I wean off all this poison I might feel better I don't know the answer but I feel I need to shy away from the medical community where their answer to everything is a pill or a diagnosis that isn't right. Hence, me with anxiety, NOT! My frustration runs deep for the past few week/months. My anger is not good, I know how it can affect a persons health not only physically but mentally, I have to take control. I have to become my own manager in all of this instead of relying one someone who has no idea what is going on with me when they see me for a few minutes every few months. I am frustrated and pissed to the core. Rock bottom. Yes, but believe me I will get back up on that mountain and when I finally do, I am going to be a much healthier person, I hope!

God Bless!

Dianne