You're A Hoarder

Over the past month or so we have been packing stuff up in boxes because we are planning on moving soon. We figured if we get a head start and get it all packed now we will be ready to go as soon as our house sells. Who knows how long it will take to sell but when you have two perfectionists living under the same roof there is a lot to do to get ready to show your home. We both figured it would be much easier to prepare without all the stuff and clutter we have collected, much without even realizing it. I have to admit before we started packing I thought we didn't have that much stuff. I am really not a saver per se but when I started filling boxes for Good Will, filling trash bags and the boxes to take to storage I couldn't believe how much stuff we had. I started little by little parting with so much stuff that was just there. Stuff I forgot about, stuff I might need someday, stuff that was useless. Last Saturday my daughter Steph, my twin when it comes to being brutally honest, said to me, "You're a hoarder." The same person, mind you, who when she moved out of her bedroom had so much stuff you couldn't even see the floor and she had the guts to say that to me? Well, guess what? As that day went on I looked at her and said, "Oh my gosh you are right I am a hoarder."  Those three words coming out of my daughters mouth about knocked me over but also made me think even more about all the stuff. How did we collect all of this? Where did it all come from? Seriously?! I thought for a bit and said, "Want to go to Mr. Burger for some chili dogs?" That'll cure any kind of serious thinking you don't want to do.

Packing before this past Saturday was excruciating painful. Don't get me wrong, we are ready to move and live our new dream. This house served us well and the memories are one's that will live in our hearts forever. I am not having that hard of a time with leaving this house, the property maybe a little, but not the house. While I went through the stuff there was the stuff that was just that, stuff, but then there was more. How do you decide what to keep? I don't mean the stuff I mean the things that have meaning. This is where my hoarding begins. Beautiful clothes and quilts, wall hangings my mother made all with her own two hands. Things that were my Aunt's that have such meaning to me because they remind me of her and help me remember where I come from. Stuff that was my Grandma's, her silver, her hair brush, the old glasses I remember my family drinking their highballs out of when I was a child. Then there are all the papers I kept from the kids when they were in school. Every report card, every conference paper, art they made that brings tears to my eyes. The rocks and stuff given to me by the grandchildren and on and on. You see, for me, you can take all the furniture and junk like that and burn it but don't touch the things that have sentimental value. The things that make up who I am. Like I said the house isn't going to be that hard to leave we can replace it easily but the things that mean so much are the things I cannot part with. The reminders of time gone by, of love, of people, of good times, those are the things I hoard. I must admit the one part that can't go with us that I will miss terribly is the woods out back. I will miss the deer and all the other wild life. The beauty of nature can engulf me and take me to another world I love that about nature. When I go back there I am in pure heaven. I will miss it but I will also remember the sweetest memory of being back there, seeing how much Hunter and Addi love to play in the pines and run around looking for signs of nature, picking up sticks and pulling the algae out of the creek, falling in the mud and laughing about it. It will be hard to leave that but we will be moving to another wooded area where we can make new memories, these new memories we will be taking Mya along for the journey.

I think we all must come to some understanding of who we are and where we come from and if we lose that we really have nothing. It really has nothing to do with the stuff its the trigger in your brain that goes off when you see a certain possession. I know for many some of those memories bring back pain and sometimes it is the best thing for us to deal with the pain so we can move on and do better for ourselves and those around us. As I weeded through the "stuff" another realization came to mind. I remembered when we moved my Aunt into assisted living and she had to leave all her stuff behind. She could only take the bare essentials and a few other items that meant the most to her. How in the world did she pick? I can't imagine. Thinking back on how much pain that must have brought to her and at the time I had no realization of that pain and she didn't talk about it. Stuff, yes, but stuff that meant something to her just as mine does to me. The realization that we spend a life collecting stuff only to have a few select items with us when we get old. I wonder if I had to pick only a few things to take with me what would they be? It is painful to even think about parting with all the special stuff that I packed in those boxes even though I know I can keep them, at least for now. But what happens when I get old? Will my children, in-laws, and grandchildren see the value in a glass? In a quilt? In a piece of art made years ago by a little girl or a little boy? I hope that if I make it to that point where I need to decide on just a few things to take with me my children will take the other stuff that means so much to me and tell me they will keep it safe with them and pass it on. Even if they give it away as soon as they get home at least I will know in my heart that the stuff that meant so much to me will continue to give as it has given so much to me.

Once again I hear Steph, "You're a hoarder." I hear myself, "Oh my gosh you are right I am a hoarder." After going over it in my head I now feel I can say, "I am proud of being a hoarder because all of my hoarding has made me the person I am and where I came from. A beautiful life I lived and shared with some very special people." In the end isn't that what it's all about anyways? I believe so.

God Bless!

Dianne