Back on my blog...that can only mean one of two things, either things are going well and I am here to shout it out to the world or things suck and I am here to whine. Sorry to say it but it is the latter. First I have to tell you most things are going well right now. Yes, I am in pain but at least I am a little less fatigued for some reason and with all that is going on in my sleep life this should be the complete opposite. If you follow my blog you know that I have been having sleep issues ever since I changed my PCP. I have been dealing with this issue since August of last summer and now we are into April and I am still struggling? Along with the foot issue, that according to the foot doc isn't an issue, which is causing me excruciating pain at the end of the day, and along with all the other stuff that is just there all the time. Just what I need to deal with sleep issues. Everything was going along fine for me then whammmm we are going to send you to a sleep doc, do a sleep study, which by the way was normal, send you to a sleep therapist, blah, blah, blah. My life has been turned upside down even more than it was before the sleep issue, that to me, wasn't an issue anyways. Needless to say endless frustration I DON'T need, especially right now. I am beginning to believe you can be forced into having anxiety just because of all the doctors saying you have to go to this doctor, now you have to go to that doctor. What the hell? Yes, I am frustrated and angry right now. I really am and believe me I don't get mad very often but when I do, Arghhhhhh, I am not a pleasant person to be around. I almost feel like I have been taken advantage of. I just want to go back to how it was. Seeing my Rheumatologist and my Neuro, both of whom get me and my medical issues and know how to treat me. Every time I go see a new doc they look at me like I am crazy. Well, I'M NOT, Dammit! I'm more sane than most of them. I wish I could rewind the clock and be with my old doc, putting up with her crappy staff, and keeping what worked for me the same. These people who don't know me come along and switch things and get me all screwed up. It is frustrating.
I am so sick of the medical community lumping us all into one big category. The sleep issue is the perfect example. I need at least 10-12 hours of sleep a night to function properly. It is just how it is and has been for a long time. I don't understand how doctors can tell me I am getting too much sleep. Are you kidding me? It isn't too much, my body is in overdrive with pain, stiffness, fatigue, etc so PLEASE don't tell me that 10 hours of sleep is too much for me. I need that time to repair all the damage that happens during the day. Wouldn't you think the medical doctors would understand that? The words of my Rheumatologist ring in my ears, "Sleep is very important." I remember her telling me that many appointments ago when I first started seeing her. Plus, for me at least 10 hours is what works. Now I am suppose to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time so my body gets use to a sleep schedule. Well, I am wondering if there is a way to put my pain on a sleep schedule so on the nights that I wake up 10 times because of pain and stiffness I won't have to sleep until 10am to make up for the time I am in pain.
Today I sat down and talked with family about this issue and they all agree I need to do what is right for me. I need to have a new plan. I need to learn to listen to my intuition and do what is right FOR ME, not what someone else thinks is right for me. I see a doc who zips in and out and makes decisions for me knowing nothing about how I live or what I live with. Assumptions are made and I am automatically put into a category of this or that. I can't even count the times I have said this or wrote it in my blog. I feel like I was sucked in again, more doctors, more tests, more this, more that and for what? Them or me? I am happy with the sleep doc I saw who said that she would continue to help me but this therapist stuff is just not for me. It makes no sense to me. I am wore to the core and I am taking back the control I just needed the shove from talking today, even though I knew all along what is right for me. It is funny how hearing yourself talk and cry makes you realize so much. You are able to process and answer your own questions real fast when you talk about it.
Maybe? Just maybe I am finally learning my lesson? Or at least until the next thing pops up. Oh well, one thing at a time.
God Bless!
Dianne
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