Yesterday was part 1 of installment of Insomnia Sminsomnia today is part 2. Last night I decided I would take another ambien in the hopes of a good nights sleep. I laid in bed with chest pain and thought to myself why did I take this? Seriously? The past three times I took it I hated it but I am so tired I was hoping I would get a better result this time but nope. I thought to myself as I laid there this is worse than laying here waiting to fall asleep for a few hours without any drug in my system. I have come to realize I hate these meds that are suppose to help the normal population sleep better, they don't help me at all, only make it worse. I don't know if it is the combination of all the other stuff I take mixing and working against one another all I know is I don't like it. I especially hate feeling like the walking dead the day after, today. I am a zombie. I feel like I didn't sleep all night and I feel sad. This is not me at all. I am frustrated and angry to some degree, but I will save all those details as I have blurted them all out in past blogs. I know it will get better!
When I woke up this morning feeling like hell I decided I would call my doc back and see if she had any other ideas on how to get me to sleep. I have exhausted every pill they have available that helps with sleep, they just don't work for me for some reason. I always think it is because of my thyroid because almost every drug tells you not to take it or be careful if you have thyroid disease. All I know is if I take a drug it always affects me differently than it is suppose to affect everyone else. I know it sounds crazy, but true. Back to the doc phone call. This morning my so called insomnia diagnosis has been changed to anxiety and she wants me to try zoloft. Seriously? I was in shock when this new diagnosis came to the table, shock has turned into more frustration. First off I looked up anxiety and the only symptom I have is I have a hard time falling asleep. Secondly, why would I take a drug at bedtime that has a side effect of causing you not to sleep? Are you kidding me? I am starting to lose my faith in the medical system. Take this, take that, and I am so tired of it all. It is a frustrating cycle of events, one after another. I am tired of dealing with all of it. I just want to sleep, that's all. Now that I have done my research on this drug I decided I am going to steer clear of it for now, at least until I talk to Dr Key. I am going to research more ways to use Yoga and meditation to help me calm my mind before I get into bed. I do not need a drug! I do not need a drug! I am going to continue to tell my brain I do not need a drug and eventually I think it will get the message and if not then I will deal with it at that time.
Hopefully installment 3 of insomnia siminsomnis/(anxiety?) does not turn into another diagnosis before I get this all worked out and I will!
God Bless!
Dianne
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