My Distorted Self Image

When I first saw this cartoon it made me laugh and yell hells ya! Reminded me of the song I'm sexy and I know it. I mean if you think about it being sexy is not just an outside thing but it really comes from deep within your soul. Am I any less sexy than I was before the illness? The other thing I thought about this picture was, that is so me, in a picture at least. Adventurous, pretty secure in myself, most of the time. I like to be alone, and taking the risk of sounding like a snob, I like myself. I am my favorite person to hang out. I am always right, which is usually the case even when people are around. I am pretty much in control when I am alone and have no one to argue with or yell at. I have no one to take care of but me. I can do whatever I want whenever I want and not have to hear anyone say 'I don't want to do that.' It isn't a bad place to be, alone with yourself, and since I spend more than half my life alone I have learned to bring out the creative person that has been hiding away for years because I was so busy trying to make everyone else happy. I like where I am at now and I'm not afraid to say that. I hope that doesn't come across as a selfish statement, just a true one. A confident statement. A I know who I am statement. To me there is nothing wrong with that. You see, when you are alone a lot you learn who you are and that isn't a bad thing at all! Plus, being ill kind of pushes you into a place where you are better off alone. It is hard to be in the world because you can never keep up. It is all good.

I colored my roots today, yes I am vain too, and as I was drying my hair after I washed the color out I thought to myself, do I have a distorted self image? I sure do feel like the woman sliding down the slide but as I look in the mirror I see a different woman. I remembered the last time I slid down the slide with Hunter and Addi at the park and the next week was horrible as my neck went out and the pain was excruciating. I surely am unable to wear the red high heels anymore, not that I ever could. I can hardly balance on two feet let alone high heels so now the fashionable red slippers take their place. Her outfit? Ya, looks sweet and sexy on her but I am pretty sure I could never find it in my size. The same words keep crossing through my mind, do I have a distorted self image? I have to believe I don't, but I still wonder as that keeps crossing through my mind. Do I have a distorted self image? Yes, there was a time I was able to do all that stuff. Slide down a slide without a payoff. Put on the heels and drive my man crazy and not fall. Wear the skimpy cloths but as I think about it I still do all those things just in a different way. A way that keeps me acting my age. A way that protects me from the evil called pain. A way that still drives my man crazy, but then he is a man, doesn't take much there. We both have relaxed more as we have aged. All in a good way. A way that helps me to realize my self image isn't so distorted after all even with all I have been through and I love that!

God Bless!

Dianne