Stuff, Stuff, and More Stuff

I saw this cartoon on facebook last night and it hit me so hard. It made me wonder why we think that we are here to collect all these "things" and how we need to have the best of everything that is available to us. Everyday it seems there is some new invention out there that either makes life easier or in reality, at least mine, I wonder does it actually just make us lazier? I haven't quite decided what the answer is.

After seeing this cartoon, reading it, and meditating on it, in usual Dianne fashion, I have become very sad, somber, and whatever other words are not coming to my mind at the present moment. I woke up at four this morning with the start of a migraine so I popped some excedrin migraine and laid there quietly not to wake Rich or Eva. It took only a few minutes for my thoughts to came back to this cartoon. My mind raced around trying to understand our greed here in America. I laid there with tears rolling down  my face as I couldn't understand or make sense of any of it. Of course it brought me back to many of my Hospice patients as things like this usually do. I don't understand why we are born with nothing and if we are going to die with nothing why we obsess with our wants more than our needs. Once we get one want that didn't fulfill a void we continue onto the next want, still never being fulfilled. We all know that in between birth and the fact that we ARE going to die, all of us, there is a space. I wonder about that in between. The dash. you know the poem about your tombstone where it has the date, for me 12-28-62 then the dash  -  and then there will be the date of my death. What is the dash? Okay we have the birth date and the death date but what was between the dash? I think I want a tombstone that has the birth date at the very top and the death date at the very bottom but in between I want a list instead of the dash. I want a list of all the good I tried to do. Yes, many times I failed, had people who hated me, or didn't agree with what I thought, or the way I lived but my point is: IT WAS MY life, not theirs. It is what I accomplished, not anyone else. The footprint I left on the world, instead of a stupid dash. I want the world to know I birthed and raised three amazing children, they married good people and bore me/us grandchildren whom I/we adored. I want the world to know I gave a piece of my heart and soul to people who were dying in Hospice care and many others in my life, all with no regret. (ok for the most part but I won't go there because what is done is done and we must focus on the positives in life).

When I think of the Hospice patients I was so honored to spend time with I know we will meet again. They gave me a gift and shared the last minutes of their lives with me, told me very personal stories, we hugged and cried, and I will never be the same because of them. As I laid there in bed with the tears rolling down my face this morning I thought of the move and more emotion over came me. You see a lot of my dash happened here in this home. Yes, I know it is a home but it is filled with so many joys and the pain of leaving it is emotional, even though I am more than ready to move, there are emotional attachments that cling to these walls. Packing them away into boxes is hard as most of my home is filled with photos, or art my children or grandchildren created. Then I thought to myself, knock off the tears, get out of bed, get a cup of coffee, and think about the move and when you are able to take all those photos and memories OUT of the boxes you are packing them in now. Then something amazing happened. Joy! Isn't it funny how even in sadness there is always joy tucked away neatly waiting for you to open it up? I got out of bed and felt much better.

I have also witnessed the people who really have had to have it all, all the stuff, but in the meantime didn't realize their dash was slipping away. It isn't easy to make up the dash once so much of it is lost. Sad, very sad. But there again we all live our dash and I am quite sure there may be some people out there who would want just the - mark between their dates. I can imagine the dash is painful for them so it would be just fine if all the crap of their dash was swept under the rug and explained with a - mark. It seems that is how those people tend to live their lives anyways so why not live it in death. I hope in your reading this you are able to look at your dash and know there would be a list a mile long in place of that dash. If not, then I hope you realize it is not to late to turn that dash around and fill it in with more than just a -. It is possible! You know why I know it is possible? Because you are breathing and you are reading this. You're not dead so get out there and make the best dash possible!

God Bless!

Dianne