My brain is active today, wow! I think it is because I have painted three pictures in the past two days and my brain was so focused on those that I never had time to let my brain run loose like it usually does. Believe me it is having a field trip today and swaying all over the board.
First and foremost I finally, after two weeks, called my Rheumatologist about taking the ibuprofen for this pain and she said it was fine to take the 800mg 3x a day for pain AND, the best part, I can stay on my Methotrexate shots for the arthritis. I just injected myself and hope to have some relief from this swelling by tomorrow! YAY this makes me very happy! I don't know why I didn't just call her last week when my doc told me to. I am so bullheaded when it comes to calling the doctor, any of my doctors, and usually my bullheadedness turns out to make me suffer more than if I would have just given in and called in the first place. If you are ill you understand this and if your not you probably don't get it but in my head it makes perfect sense. In some odd way.
I had to go to the dentist today and I took my Large Marge purse, this thing is mammoth, I could literally fit a small child in it or possible Eva if I had to. I woke up today with a lot of back pain so I shoved a pillow in the Large Marge bag just in case I needed it to prop my butt up where I am having all this pain, we all know how comfy those dental chairs are as you are almost standing on your head. Fortunately the pain meds kicked in before I arrived, just enough relief so I could lay there. I did good getting in and out of the chair too and no one knew there was a pillow hiding inside the Large Marge bag. Shewww! I was waiting for someone to ask me why my purse was so BIG, they didn't. Good! I hate either telling a little white lie or having to tell the story as to why it was so big. I don't think most people really care when you are suffering and most people will never understand it so it is so much easier to keep it all to yourself. Well, with the exception of your blog that screams it out to the whole world. Lol
On the way home I even felt well enough to go to Walgreens to get some photos printed and pick up some Dove milk chocolate eggs. Yum! I have to treat myself once in a while. Although the Cadbury mini's may have been enough this week? Oh well, gonna die one way or another so I may as well die with my happy chocolate face on. After Walgreens I turned on the radio and the song I hope you dance had just started. I always told my kids, the girls at least, this was my song for them. I believe this is the song every mother would sing to their children or at least play it for them because it says so much about what we want for them. The hurts that help them grow. The love we have for them to let them get hurt so they can learn a lesson. All that stuff mother's hold deep within their hearts for each child. One of these days I am going to write a blog about each of my precious children to share what they have given me and how much they have helped me become the person that I am today. I am sure it will be very heart wrenching for me to write because my love for them runs so deep. Who's your favorite? I love it when my kids ask me that or like last week Richie sent me a text after we were texting back and forth for a while and he asked, "So I am your favorite?" I wrote back, "I have 3 favorites." You see, I don't have a iphone but I know he sent that text to the girls so they would see my answer because when someone sends a group text my phone has a funny ring. He thinks I didn't know he did the question as a group thing. Hahahaha that makes me laugh but then he ALWAYS makes me laugh as we both have an odd sense of humor and we are able to feed off one another. Stop I need to save this for the Richie blog post.
Just before I pulled into the driveways a mile or so away from home I began thinking about people and how we all know what is right for everyone else but so many times have no idea what is right for us. How come it is so easy to judge or think of the way someone else lives but we never look at the way we live? This gets deep for me and sometimes when I get hurt by someone I have a hard time understanding this. I can get really sad and heartbroken when I think of some things that people do to the ones they love? I have come to believe that I have to understand that sometimes there are no answers to some things, they just happen. People are human, they hurt one another, and many times I don't think people realize the damage they do to someone else. I just wish people could think of others more. I hate that I have this kind of heart. I always think of how someone will feel in any given situation. I can't help it, it is the way I am wired. I yell at Rich all the time for saying things he shouldn't. Poor guy. I wish my sensitivity had an on and off switch so I could be like everyone else and not have to always wonder how everyone else feels about every little thing. I mean really so many of the things I worry about are so trivial. Not sure how a person can change this when it is who you are.
Now the best for last. Can you guess what it is about? You guessed it grand kids. Sorry but hey this is what keeps me going daily, no kidding. I dream of them all the time and remember little snippets of times spent with them. I am going to write something about each of them that touched my heart this week. When things like this happens it is like my chest opens up and I can feel my heart roll on the floor. My love for them runs so deep I just want to hide them away so they never have to get hurt. We all know that can't happen but a Nana can dream.
This year I made Addi her birthday cake for her 3rd birthday. We had plans to make it together but the plans were railroaded by the arrival of our sweet May Rose so I made the cake at my house and brought it to Addi's party the day Mama and Mya came home from the hospital. Katie still wanted Addi to have her special day so she had the party anyways. I'm so glad she did because Addi felt so special. If you knew Addi you would see why she is the sweetest little girl ever and I am not just saying that because she is my grand daughter, she really is. Anyways, I went to the party a little early to get the cake there and when I walked in Addi said, "Nana is that my cake?" I said, "Yes, you want to see it?" Of course she said, "Yes" in a very excited voice. I showed it to her and she started jumping around and said with a huge smile, "I love it! That is my cake, I love it, I love it.!" It was one of the greatest moments ever. I wish I had a video of her when she saw it even Aunt Steph was there and said, "That is the sweetest thing ever." I think both of our hearts were rolling on the floor next to each one each others.
The Hunter story is just as sweet. Earlier that same day when Dave went to pick up Katie and Mya at the hospital Rich and I went to stay with Hunter and Addi and set up some stuff for the party. After a bit hunter said to Rich that he wanted to wrap one of his toys for Addi to give to her so they went into the bedroom for a while and found a game that his other Nana gave him the night before. So funny! He got it wrapped and asked me to go back in his room so he could give her more presents. He found a stuffed kitten that was actually Addi's and he decided to wrap that in coloring book pages that he had colored in the past. Then he found another stuffed bear and wrapped that in the color pages too. After he was done he took the card he had made earlier and said I need to put some money in here so I gave him a dollar to tape in the card, then he taped all the stuff together with masking tape. Let me tell you this gift was filled with so much love I could feel it radiating off the packages. Then he had to find a hiding place in his room so Addi couldn't find it. He put it under his blankets and we went in the kitchen and he said to me, "Nana come here" so we went back in the bedroom because "under the blankets was not a good spot and she will find it there. He decided under the bed. Rich and I left to go home and came back for the party. The first gift Addi had to open was the one from Hunter. She opened the game from the other Nana we all laughed. Then she opened the kitty and she said, "Awe a kitty." I don't know if she even realized it was already hers. Then she opened the bear and the card with the money was last. She says, "Moneyyyyy Oooo" and Hunter yells, "I got it from Nana, the money was Nana's." It was one of the sweetest gift openings I have ever witnessed in my entire life. You could feel the love between brother and sister radiating the room. I live for moments like that!
I guess that is enough random garble for today. It is my hope in reading this you too have little moments of random garble. Ones that will stay in your heart forever and I hope you are able to find all those moments in each and everyday because they are there. It is just a matter of taking the time to see them and feel them and realizing how special life is in all those little moments of random garble.
God Bless!
Dianne
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