Love this! I have been meditating on this a lot lately. I have always been able to feel energy of other people, good and bad. When I walk into a room I can immediately feel the good or bad energy. It is crazy, or is it? When I meet new people I get a vibe that runs through me and I just can't explain it. Even when I am forced to get together with certain people the air can be so thick I feel like I am suffocating. I have always wondered why and may have found my answer.
I have always felt different than most of the world. I don't share this with many people because it makes me sound like a nut job. I always thought I am just weird and left it at that. I never really embraced what ever it is that I have inside my soul that makes me who I am. I have premonitions about things before they happen. Many things have happened in the past that I had some innate sense that they were going to happen before they ever did. I also have a way of feeling others pain, not in the usual way that most feel it. My empathy runs deeper than most. If someone is telling me a story I am smack dab in the middle of it feeling all the person is telling me. I am a total Empath.
I came across a book a few weeks ago that helped me to realize I'm not crazy and I am not the only one who has this ability to morph into somebody's life or situation. It helps me understand why everyone calls me when they are having problems. As I have been reading this book it has given me a relief of some sort. It mentions the above but also goes on to mention the other things that have been unexplainable to me for so many years. I have never understood jealousy, human nature fascinates me, rude people make me crazy, I have a temper when people treat others badly. I can't keep my mouth shut about things that have to do with the feelings of others. I believe in building up not tearing down.
I felt much better when I read about the part where the author talks about how crowds are overwhelming. For me when I am in a crowd I am very uncomfortable because I am a total one on one person. My sensitivity makes me feel like I didn't get to talk to everyone and then I feel bad because I didn't. It is easier for me to be alone or with only one person. I believe you must look into someones eyes to see their soul. I love to hear others stories which is probably why I connected so well with all my Hospice patients.
The other thing that I don't understand is how I can be out in public and someone always knows me. It is so weird to me how people are drawn to me. Also every time I go out someone starts to tell me their life story. My daughter even makes jokes about it every time we go somewhere. She rolls her eyes every time and then we just laugh but to me I ask why perfect strangers will come up to me and just start talking to me about such personal matters. Learning that I am different, knowing I am different, and accepting I am different is beginning to be such a relief Rich knows I am different. He always tells me I am. If anyone should know it would be him because he gets to live with all the crazy that goes on inside me. Although now that I am aging and beginning to embrace the crazy I am realizing it isn't crazy at all. It is just that I am grounded. I know the realities of life. I feel as though I understand so much more than most and that I have been given a gift. I am a deep, deep person, not only with myself but with those who know me. I have to laugh because one of my good friends will always say to me when we are talking, "Stop we are getting to deep here." She doesn't like to get deep so there are the times that I would catch myself and ask her if I was getting too deep and of course her answer, "YES!" We both laugh about it but now I am realizing it is no laughing matter.
I wonder many times if I was given my illness because God knew I could use my gift to help others. I still struggle with this one but I am accepting it much more as the days go by. Illness as a gift? Why sure! If I were not ill it would be out there busy not learning about myself and others. I am happy I am able to help others with my gift although there are times it is exhausting carrying everyone's stuff along with my own. But I believe it is all in His plan and I must embrace it.
The name of this book is Help! I'm Sensitive by Ronni Ann Hall. I know this is me. Now before all my Christian friends have a heart attack, don't. It isn't about witch craft or any of the crap some Christians think about people who are sensitives. It is just the way it is. I am a strong believer in God and have a strong faith. Yes, my faith may be different than yours but it is still there. I feel much more connected to my soul than most of the people I know who are Christians. I know others don't understand me at times and I am fine with that. I hope if anyone else feels different they will embrace that difference and start to embrace it more instead of fighting it. Listen to it. Like the above states listen to your soul. When it sends out the bad vibes leave. Be nice, do what is right, and leave it behind. This may have to do with people, jobs, or others parts of your life. Just listen. I hope I am not alone in this and I do believe there are many other people out there who have this same sensitivity in their life but they are to afraid to let it be known to the world because of what others will say. I personally don't care anymore what others say. I am different and I am proud of it and believe me I will know if you think I have a gift or if you just think I am crazy. I can feel it in the air and deep in my soul.
God Bless!
Dianne
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