A Day in the Life

 

Welcome to the madness. This is me getting organized. It may resemble a small war zone or possibly the kitchen of a hoarder. Believe me its not. It’s the kitchen of a person struggling through unforgiving chronic illness and pain. You would think once in a while the illness could apologize. Just say, “Hey buckle up todays not going to go as you planned in your head,”refer back to the photo. It’s much more disastrous in person. I’ve learned photos have a way of being forgiving. Last week I ordered the storage containers to the left of the sink along with exciting plans, in my head, to get organized. A few days ago I took the containers out of the box and unwrapped them all and put them on the table. Baby steps happen when you live with chronic illness. Today I woke up, found myself in my madness, drank my coffee, moaned a lot, and decided to start the process of pulling all the staples out of the cupboard to organize them. I did a few containers then left for an appointment. I made a stop at the store for a few items which is always a deal breaker for any physical plans I have for the rest of the day. Couple this with the pain and mental struggle and the fatigue takes over. I pushed myself to finish the rest of the containers and that was that, time for a rest. The rest of my day will consist of getting the mess back in order. Little by little it will happen. 

This year has been absolutely brutal for Rich and I. January foot fusion, from the arthritis, with lots and lots of plates and screws. Six weeks of non weight bearing which meant a scooter to get around. Walking boot for six weeks and progressed too a shoe which is extremely hard after not walking for 8 weeks. It was hard but to say the least, but we made it through. I was on the mend but continued to have severe worsening pain. Seven months later doc order a ct scan which showed a broken bone. This led to another foot surgery in September to remove some hardware and to fix the broken bone. More screws more plates in another area that had not fused since January. Very frustrating to say the least. This second surgery was basically no different from the first, non weight bearing again for six weeks, and much more frustration,  and sadness. Everyday was a struggle I never imagined this would happen to me. Well, we made it through and after the six weeks here we go again. Walking boot for another four to six weeks then progress to a shoe. I am currently in the medical shoe I had from last time because the swelling is so bad its impossible to get a shoe on. The swelling and pain were so bad I didn’t think I could do it anymore but its really not like me to ever think like that. I’ve never felt so alone and isolated in my life. Keeping my head above water is all I can do right now. I can’t see outside myself right now. Some people may think that sounds selfish but it’s not at all. It’s my reality at this time. I know it will get better it always does.

Did I forget to mention I also had a knee replacement in June? All on a broken foot we didn’t know about at that time. Thought I should add that in for good measure. Compared to my foot the knee was a breeze. Painful yes but well worth the pain. The best part was I able to walk and living was easier being able to walk after surgery compared to not walking.     

The other foot and knee are an issue to that will eventually need to be addressed but for now I am focused on healing from this year. Once I am able to be more mobile and in less pain maybe I will begin to process having to deal with this all over again but for now no. A day in the life of chronic illness is never the same. You wake up not knowing what you’re gonna get. Could be a halfway decent day or a halfassed day. You take what you get.  On most days I don’t understand but I do my best. I’m almost to my birthday again. How they come around so fast is beyond me. I will continue to make the best of this coming year. I’ll do what I can when I can and sit to rest when I have to. Focusing on me is hard. When your a giver it’s a battle of the mind. God is good and all the blessings around me keep me grounded. I’ll give where I can and continue to keep the hope!

God Bless!

Dianne