Yesterday I received a call from my Rheumatologists office telling me that he was no longer going to be joining the Spectrum Medical Group. My heart sank especially since I feel like I finally found a doctor that was working with me and understands my disease process. I guess not. The lady that called me had no idea where my doctor was going and encouraged me to call the last office he was at last to see if they had any news on where he would be going. Of course they said no so now I am here again grasping at straws wondering who will be my new and third Rheumatologist. I hung up the phone with a near panic attack and sent Rich a text. He called me back right away and I sobbed. Per usual he calmed me down and told me to see what my primary doctor had to say about it. I sent her as message and she said she was going to find a new Rheumatologist to refer me to. Now I wait. I know there are a few Rheumetologists in the area but there are very few and it takes a long time, months, to get into them. I was scheduled on a monthly basis with mine and I am afraid a new one will be a much longer wait. Normally I would try to be patient and not freak out but with starting the new treatment and with my blood work results showing increased inflammation this past week I feel I need to see one on schedule. More unwanted and unneeded frustration.
I'm sitting here thinking to myself that I have to put a positive spin on this, wondering what it might be. Just because I am a positive person most of the time doesn't mean I walk around in a candy cloud happy all time eating pixie stix's, I don't. I become anxious and frustrated very easily when it comes to anything medical. I wish I didn't but the reality is I do. I self talk and tell myself it will all be okay eventually or I shout out to Rich for him to bring me back to reality like only he can. These are the times that are hard. The times the fight between me and chronic illness becomes even more real. These are the frustrations one does not need. I'm sitting here at the end of this post beginning to chuckle about the letter I'm going to receive. Writing all of this helped me get a little frustration out and realize I can't take all of this too serious because in the end it will all work itself out somehow. I'll get my hands slapped with the letter and I will more than likely find a new Rheumetologist. I can hear the words of Rich in the back of my head telling me to settle down it will be fine and I begin to feel better. I start to believe it really will work out!