I often wonder back to life when I use to be normal and by normal I mean when I had enough energy and not a ton of pain. The days when I was able to do anything I wanted without a thought. When I didn't have to plan rest time or wonder if I was over doing it. The days of not worrying about the price I would pay for anything I did. It seems like some sort of odd past life. Almost like I have been reincarnated into this new and unpredictable life I now lead. It's all so confusing to me. I try to make sense of this new life as I dream of the old. I know I have nothing to complain about because I have been blessed beyond measure in so many other ways but I'm only human as so many of you are who live with this autoimmune monster. I almost feel guilty when I blab on about the illness part. I try to put it all into perspective and realize the illness, even though it is a huge part of my daily living, is such a minute part of my actual life. The love outweighs the pain and suffering. The good people I share my life with, not only family but friends, keep me pointed in the right direction. The love pulls me out of the depths of the hell. The best part is I am able to still spread my love to those around me too. The full circle I call my hope.
This weekend is the forth of July weekend and I am hopeful today is only a taste of the goodness to come this weekend. I hope this feeling better dream continues into the weekend. Who knows? The switch could flip back in an hour that's how unpredictable it is. Rich and I have been talking about a few things we want to do this weekend but the end of the discussion always ends with, "It depends on how I/you are doing," said by either one of us. It's always the elephant in the room. We both try to forget but we both know it's there and we both know how it controls our lives. The best part is it's all ok. Rich is a saint the way he puts up with me and I just go with the flow taking advantage of the good when it happens and slowing down when it's bad. Today is a beautiful day and for that I am thankful!