I rushed through the store and threw the few items i needed in my cart and rushed to the checkout. My energy was good so I decided to do the self checkout. Believe me there are many times I don't use self checkout because my energy is low and I just don't want to deal with it. I pulled my cart behind a older, like in his eighties, man. He was finishing paying so I figured it would be fast. I failed to see all the groceries he had at the end of the belt that needed to be bagged. I secretly thought to myself ugh he's moving S-L-O-W. I started to feel a little anxious and pulled myself back to the reality of, "What do you need to be in a rush for? Big deal so you have to stand in line three minutes longer." I stood there looking around watching people which I find fascinating in itself. The few extra minutes went fast and before I knew it was was punching in my mperks numbers and on my way. I was so focused on the screen I didn't see the older man approaching me. I grabbed my first item and turned to scan it and realized he was standing next to me. He smiled and said, "I just want to thank you for being patient while I packed my stuff. No one ever does that usually they are pushing my stuff out of the way so they can start their order." I told him, "You are fine, don't let people bother you." He thanked me again and left. Wow, Bam right upside the head. When I compared the thoughts I had when I first pulled up to the checkout to the thoughts I had when I left the checkout there was a stark difference. I thought about it most of the day yesterday. Realizing, as I do almost every time I am out in the world, the sadness of how we treat one another, young or old. The selfishness of everything we do. The ME first get out of my way attitudes that consume us. I realized I need to be more aware of my own selfishness in all the little things I do.
The next step was comparing my illness to that of the older man. I know there are the times I'm parking or shopping or driving that I take much longer than I should. It made me realize I too probably piss people off much more than I think I do. It takes me longer to think and concentrate these days so there are the times I might sit at a green light before I hit the gas and get the beep from the car behind me. The busy people who can actually live a normal life and not have to think about health can be the cruelest. I usually have a few choice words when I get beeped at because I really don't care anymore if people can't understand what I deal with. When the older man approached me I realized he is no different than me. He deserves the compassion I and all people deserve. If there is one thing I wish I could do to change the world it would be for all of us to treat one another like we treat our friends. Obviously we can't treat everyone like we treat our family because who else would you die for? So let's stick with the friends. Being more patient. Being more kind. Realizing we are not at all alike and accepting that about each other.
Think it will ever happen? I don't know but I'm going to keep working on it.