Thursday, November 16, 2017

Chronic Marriage

It's fall if that's what you want to call it this year. This year it seemed like summer until the end of October and rain non stop since. Our favorite time of the year around here. Hunting and walking in the woods without dying of heat stroke and actually being able to breath to some degree. It's also a time Rich takes a few days off from work not only to hunt but to clean. You know do all the things I hate doing one being washing windows. I always say, "What does it matter anyway they just get dirty again anyway." Today before he went outside to do the windows he said, "When I get done with this I'm going to clean the floors." My eyes popped out of my head and of course my mouth opened, "Oh no you're not." We argued on the subject for a few minutes and he went outside. Immediately I got all my stuff out and started doing the floors. That's my territory. It's funny how we both look at that so differently. He looks at it from the standpoint that I shouldn't be doing it because of my breathing anf other issues. I look at it as he's taking away my jobs. The things that give me meaning. Sounds silly doesn't it? Even as I write that I have to chuckle. To all the fairly healthy people who look at cleaning their floors as an inconvenience. It's Mount Everest for me. I know people are thinking wow how lucky you are to have a man who wants to do it. If that's what you are thinking you are completely missing my point. It has nothing to do with that because believe me I appreciate everything he does for me. The basic point is that when you are sick and people try to do all the things you use to do it is mentally and emotionally hard to have those things taken from you. The word worthless comes to mind every time he so innocently tries to do the things I have always done. I don't want to give up anymore than I already have. Chronic marriage is just that chronic. The illness doesn't go away. In fact Rich is the only one who truly knows. Example this morning. I laid on the couch until almost noon trying to get enough energy to get dressed. Yes, that is chronic illness, our chronic marriage. He has to not only put up with things like that but my bitchy moods when I feel like crap. My snapping at him for nothing at all. Oh wait that marriage. I know, minus the illness, there are so many things and times I annoy the hell out of him too. But it's ok because this IS forever, our forever. In sickness and health. We both took that one serious but he gets to show and live it daily.
I honestly never would have thought about this because it's just our way of life, until last week when someone made a comment to Rich that I don't want to repeat. It made me think about all the shallow ignorant people who have no filter when it comes to illness. The more I thought about it the more I realized it may or may not be stupidity but just that some people have never experienced the chronic part of illness. We all have illness affect us in one way or another but until it happens to you or someone you actually live with you have no idea so it may be a better option to say nothing. Try to care about the person and what they live with. I wish people could ask Rich how he is doing in all this. It seems nobody does. Caring should come before ignorance in any situation regardless. It's actually quite simple. I don't have much more to add to that.

Writing this helps me to move on from comments like that. It helps me to write it here and wipe it out of my head. It helps me to look through clean windows and see the man I love out there on the ladder doing what he does best, taking care of me. I am thankful for that everyday!

God Bless!

Dianne

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