A few years back in 2009 I had to have cervical spine surgery to fuse two disc's together that were eaten away by disease or whatever decided to attack them and eat them to the bone. Over the years I had such horrible pain in my neck on some days it would actually make me cry out from the pain. It was horrific at times and when it got the point where the pain was so bad it was affecting my daily life I know it was time to seek out a neuro surgeon. I found one and brought all my MRI's to the first visit. He walked in the room, took one look at the pictures, and said the two disc's were bone on bone and I would need a fusion in order to help this problem. When we went to the appointment I kind of already knew what he was going to say but when you actually hear it coming out of the doctors mouth it has a different ring to it, more of a reality instead of just a thought in your head.
When we were done with the appointment Rich and I left and talked about this procedure for a few days. Do we do it and take the risks or do I/we continue to live in this vicious pain cycle. We decided it was time to get this problem fixed so I called to set up a time for the surgery. Upon making the appointment there was one problem we knew about, my use of steroids. At that time I was on a higher dose of steroids for all my pain issues and I was told I would need to taper off the steroids in order to have the surgery. Well, if you know anything about steroids you cannot just stop them cold turkey. It took four long months of more pain and a slow taper but I finally got off the steroids, which was brutal to say the least. We were finally able to have the surgery which was set for February 10, 2009. Funny how you can remember dates of things like that.
A few weeks before the surgery I became very anxious, knowing what they were going to do to my spine, and knowing the risks associated with the surgery. When I went for my pre-op appointment I told my doc I was very anxious and she suggested I go on Xanax to calm me down, so I did, thinking nothing about it. I would take them at night because that is when I was the most anxious. I would lay in bed and think the worst so the Xanax helped me to relax and get the sleep I needed.
February 9 came and the surgery was done. I knew it was going to be bad but I never expected it to be as bad as it was. The pain I had afterward was just a horrible if not worse then the pain before. I remember crying to Rich and wondering if this was a mistake. He assured me it would get better over time. After a long, very long, recovery I started to feel better. I had many PT sessions and other therapies done to my cervical spine to help me get the muscles back into working order. It took a good two years to get myself to a good place. I am now happy I had the surgery and things are going well with my neck. I still have some issues but I am able to live with them if I apply heat or creams for the tightness.
The one problem is I was never able to stop the Xanax over the past three and a half years. As time went on I continued to take the Xanax at bed to help me sleep. Sleep for the chronically ill is vital and I never knew what harm I was doing to myself. Now I have a new PCP and she wants me to stop Xanax and try a new drug, which is fine. The one problem is, she never told me to wean off the Xanax and when I stopped cold turkey and started the new med I had a terrible reaction. If this is what an addict goes through with detox then I have much more sympathy for someone who is trying to get off drugs. It is not fun at all. I am sure their detox is much, much worse than any I feel.
I had a very rough couple of days stopping the Xanax cold turkey and last night I went back on it. I feel much better. I have learned a big lesson in all of this. Do your research before stopping a drug. This just proves what I always preach- you have to be your own doctor. Do the homework before changing anything in your daily medical regimen/therapy. You must do what is right for you not what someone else tells you even if that someone is a medical professional. It is your health, you know what you feel like, you know what you can handle. I will begin the slow process of weaning off the Xanax and go from there, but not without learning some valuable lessons along the way.
God Bless!
Dianne
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