Sunday, October 20, 2013
The only way for me to think and to motivate myself is to try, as hard as it is at times, to only think positive. I learned this from Lisa Gigliotti the author of Corriagio. Negative thought replace it with a positive thought. I love you Lisa!
Oh believe me I have always been a positive person but for years it wasn't because I was a chronic. It was just my nature and probably parents who would tell me to only look at the good side of things. My mom did it to me when I was really ill. It would make me mad at times but now as I look back it was what I needed to hear. My whole life changed when I began getting weak and my eyes were going buggy on me. How do you stay positive living like that? The pain? I had that mastered over the years. I seriously wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have pain it is just a way of life. You can deal with it when it is chronic because you don't know any different. Over the years I have learned how to live with my muscle weakness and eye issues too. I take a lot of breaks as needed. I finally feel like I have a handle on all fronts, well almost all. The one I still struggle with and can throw me for a loop, the migraines. I fight, hard when I get one. Right now I am pushing myself when all I want to do is barf. Barf I won't! I am sitting here thinking what kind of an idiot sits in front of a BRIGHT computer screen with a migraine? Then this morning as I laid on the couch with a towel over my eyes I asked God why he had to make today such a bright day when yesterday was dark and I needed the dark today. No answer just stabbing ice pick pain along with a light show going on behind the towel. This was after I took the Excedrin migraine and gagged down a cup of java in hopes of relief. A half hour later I decided, without the help of the migraine, to get up and move! I cleaned a bathroom, slowly but surely. I started a load of wash. I swiffered some of the floors and now here I am still in pain but its all good. I did something and that is all that counts. If it were up to the migraine I would have stayed on the couch much longer but my psyche has to take control and be the stronger person. Yes there are the times with migraines there is no way to get up and I have to give in and stay in bed most of the day but this one is not one of those so I am thankful, sometimes positive energy works and sometimes not. The times the body doesn't cooperate with my positive energy I tell myself tomorrow will come and this hell will end. I fight with my positive energy and my negative energy. I try not to give it to the negative but geeze I am human too and sometimes it just wins. But as I said the positive light is always shining even when it is just a flicker in the background.
Time to go do something else and not let this stupid migraine win. We must never give up! Me or you!