Thankful

When I got up yesterday, Thanksgiving Day, I thought to myself what are you thankful for? I must be honest I try to do that everyday, be thankful, even on the days I am pissed off for feeling like crap. I believe if I gave into the crap of illness and what it takes away from me on a daily basis I would not be a happy person at all. I can't let it win as I have written many times before. If we give in then there is no reason to be here and if you are here, reading this and breathing, then there is a reason you are here.

Thankful. Humm. My thankful looks different than the rest of the world. I am sure of that. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for all the things the real world is thankful for and I thank God everyday for those blessings. After the past six months or so since stopping my arthritis medications there were the days I found it hard to be thankful for more than my family and the fact that I got out of bed on any given day. The selling of our house has added so much extra stress that I can't keep my head on straight. It is hard to explain when your body is not only constantly sending pain signals or whatever else signals to your head and on top of that having to keep a house clean to be ready at any minute to bolt out the door. Living out of the car is tiring. Pack up the crap we need and then after the showings bring it back in. I am hopeful the papers will be signed and we can put all of that behind us. Thankful for an ending to this chapter of our life.

This past week I saw a new doc and I am thankful for a really good connection. See, here is my thankful list for now, medical. I am thankful for drugs. I need them. Period. It doesn't matter how many people think, if you only did this, or you only did that, you would be fine. Yes, lifestyle helps but it doesn't take it away like the world thinks. Until it happens to you, you can never understand. When you are in so much pain or a joint is swollen, painful, and makes it hard for you to do much, even pick of your glass of water , you will never understand. I am almost sure if you this did happen to you, you would like drugs too. I have cut back but I am still thankful for drugs.

Sleep. Since my surgery and being put into instant menopause, sleep wasn't a huge issue for me. ten to twelve hours a night was the norm, now seven or eight. Last night was a much better night with a whopping eight in bed and another hour on the couch with Eva this morning. I am thankful for the nights I can get good rest to help repair my body. It helps me so much during the day when my body is repaired even by that extra hour of sleep. I am thankful for sleep.

Mornings. Mornings are hard for the first hour or two. I get up and drink a glass of water and take my handful of pills. It takes a while to feel better and to oil the joints. After that hour or two I get moving even more. The routine is wake up, stretch in bed, call Eva and snuggle with her, then get up, get the coffee and go on the computer for a bit. Then I get off the computer and get moving, for me if I keep moving I do so much better. Sitting is hard on me and I assume anyone with chronic pain issues. I don't know because I cannot compare my pain to anyone else who struggles as I have said it is different for everyone. What I deal with someone else may not and vice versa. Mornings are the best for me after the initial wake up time. I get most of my work done in the morning because as the day progresses the pain gets worse. The fatigue sets in. I'm not sure if the pain is causing the fatigue or the fatigue pushes along the pain. It actually depends on what is giving me issues. The past month it has been my right elbow, before that it was my knee, it is a constant shifting of pain that never ends. My neck is an ongoing issue that I am sure will be a lifelong struggle. But you know what? I am thankful. Thankful for mornings I can get up, wake up, and do the things I need to do. I am blessed!

Like I always say in a lot of my blog post, "I could go on forever." The list never ends. There are many other issues I am dealing with right now physically that I am sure no one really cares to hear about, hell I don't even like thinking about them, but I am thankful. Thankful for my medical team that seems to finally be getting to where it needs to be. Thankful for the air I am able to breath everyday so I can enjoy the people I love. Thankful for you! Thankful you take the time to read my babble. Thankful and hopeful it helps you make sense of your life with chronic illness or thankful it helps you understand someone else you know who lives with chronic illness. After all if we are not here to love and support one another what is the reason? Thank you!

God Bless!

Dianne