Reality

Reality:  The world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them or The state or quality of having existence or substance.

Reality. Humm the word somehow reminds me of the word normal in so many ways. As my son in law says, "Normal is based on your surroundings." Is that also true for the word reality? My reality, at least in my head, is much different than most people I know. Our reality has changed a lot over the past several months and forced us into that new normal that we are trying so hard to adjust to as a couple. My/our reality change even more oh so many years ago when my body decided it would determine what I/we could do and when. I don't need pity at all it is just the way it is. I try my best not to hold Rich back from his life but for some odd reason I can't understand he is always by my side telling me it is okay if we can't go somewhere because he would rather be home with me anyway. This is a huge statement coming from a very social person who has been forced to find his reality of my being ill. He does it so well but I wonder how really hard it is for him and if he ever dreams of the normal reality most people are able to live. It kills me that I have taken that from him but I also know it is beyond my control to do anything about it. It's just our reality. You know how it is when you are living it you don't really think about it but then when you are out in the world you notice how small your world is and how it has shrunk.

For some reason I feel like I may have written about the reality of illness in one of my past blogs but it came to mind as I was heading over to meet the builder last night. Rich was on his way from work so meeting me there meant that I had to drive. I was tired. Bone tired but as usual I still went. I needed something to look forward to and looking at our house plans always brightens me up. I thought how the moving has been brutal on the both of us not only emotionally but mentally. I slept really well the night before so I thought it was going to be a really good day when I got up yesterday. The morning progressed on and I had intense pain all day. Why? The reality of all the studies tells the chronically ill that sleep is the best thing for you so if you sleep enough you will feel better. Nope, sorry slept good still screamed and moaned from pain most of the day. Reality? It reminded me of the diet aspect of being ill. Eat right feel fabulous. Don't get me wrong I know eating right helps but magically makes it all disappear? Nope, sorry it doesn't work for my reality anyways. I know there are people who would stab my eyes out telling me the diet is a cure but I have yet to believe it or experience it fully, but then again that is my reality not theirs. I am happy for anyone who gets relief anyway they can get it and who am I to argue with their reality? Just as I would never argue with them about their reality I expect the same. Move more. Yes I know exercise helps with pain and keeps everything lubricated and moving freely but for me exercise is not a cure. I have times where I exercise and I become worse and pay dearly. Once again I think it is up to each person to find their own exercise reality. I can join a exercise group but I can't keep up. I have tried many and the real world exercise causes me much more pain. I try to keep up with the group and there again pay dearly later. No one could ever understand this because all the studies say there is no way you can't feel better but my reality and pain tells me different. I become weak and can hardly get through a whole class is that a reality to most? I doubt it. My reality.

I had to laugh this morning when I heard a woman say on a show that was on in the background of my morning routine. "There's nothing more powerful to change your mood than to change your shoes." Wow! Really? If I had only known this my whole life that changing my shoes would make life so much easier I would be a shoe freak. I just realized why I'm not. Reality? Shoes are going to make life great? Ha that cracks me up! I think we have way to many people studying way too many things without ever relating those studies to the single person, a real life person. The reality is that what is right for one person is not right for the other. Normal reality. Is there really such a thing? Maybe in some make believe world far far away there is but from my lense I experience life much differently than the world of all these studies. I live my own reality that no one else knows about and truthfully most people could give two-shits about. It's fine because my reality is filled with love and support from my immediate family whom without I would have no reality. Here's to my reality, here's to your reality. Live it well!

God Bless!

Dianne