Wednesday, April 8, 2015

😕

You know how companies have a logo? McDonalds has the big yellow M and as soon as you see it your brain automatically tells you McDonalds. It's funny how are brains are wired to recognize logos. A while back I was looking at the emoticon faces on my phone and I came across this face 😕. I was actually looking for a face to send to a friend in a text. I wanted a face that explained more than just a face but her true emotion and that is when I came across this 😕. I didn't send her this face but after I finished the text I went back to this face 😕 and stared at it for some time. I thought to myself this is life with chronic illness. Some of my thoughts went like this: Every morning when you wake up from a night of pain 😕. Everyday just trying to make it through the day being normal knowing all the while you're not 😕. Every time you have to answer the question, "How are you?" 😕 man I wish people just wouldn't ask that. I'm not fine and I never will be 😕. Every time I am weak and so fatigued I can hardly do anything but rest 😕. Every time I start to believe that I am lazy or no good because I can't do what real people do 😕. Every time I have to put friends off when they want to go out 😕. Every time I am expected to be the strong one when inside I'm the weakest 😕 or as I call it living the lie. The lies of living with chronic illness not because people don't understand but because they just don't have the time to 😕. I have come to believe that people really do think you are the same person you were before you became ill but believe me you're not 😕 no matter how good an actor you are 😕. My list could go on as I am sure yours could too in whatever you deal with on a daily basis.

I sure don't want to sound like downer Dianne just real Dianne because it is what it is. After years of this it begins to wear you down. I fight it, I do, and my life really is 😊 but the personal reality of knowing this is forever is more of the 😕 than the 😊. I know in the end all the pain and grueling fatigue will be gone 😊 but right now it isn't and that's just the way it is 😕. Every day I 😕 But I must 😊 because there must be some reason for it all, right? Hope! I know I use that word a lot in my blogs but it's all I have. It's all anyone dealing with chronic illness has. The belief that life is 😊 even in the midst of the 😕. It is an inside job. You can have it all and still struggle but you have to keep the hope of a brighter day.

So 😕 take that 😊😄😃😀 because you will never win as long as I have air in my lungs 😛.

God Bless and keep on Fighting! 😊

Dianne

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