Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Say What?

Yesterday I was stewing about something that happened at a doctors appointment at Christmas time, which was four months ago. I came to realize I have been angry and holding all this anger in over the treatment at that appointment. I didn't realize how much those comments really affected me until I read an article on doctors who patient profile. The ones who either look at you or your chart and make the assumption you are either lazy or can't possibly be happy when you are over weight. There are so many other points that could be hit on here but I feel this is what my experience with this doctor was. I went in for a blood pressure appointment need I say more? Probably not but I will. I was asked if I like taking pills. Yes, "Do you like taking pills?" came out of his mouth. Little did he know who he was dealing with. The what comes to my mind comes out of my mouth person that I am said, "Does anyone like taking pills?" I think I caught him off guard but oh well if you can disrespect me I can disrespect you. Game on. Then I got the exercise lecture which I know and have heard a million times so guess what came out of the pie hole? "Do I look stupid?" Shocked him again. He said he wasn't implying I was stupid but from my view that is exactaly what I felt he was implying. I always find it odd and somewhat amusing when I see a doc or a person for that matter who has no clue as to what my history is but they feel it okay to give me their opinion on something they know nothing about. Things that me me go Humm Humm Humm. It was strange because Rich was with me at this appointment because we had to finish some last minute Christmas shopping. When we left and got in the car the first thing he said was, "Do not listen to what he said he was rude and you do a good job considering what you live with." He always knows the right things to say but being a person who is a slave to illness you take all those rude and unnecessary comments from people who don't understand, personally. My world is small, very small, much smaller than the normal world. My life is getting through each day not worrying about the next thing I have to do. It is one minute at a time. It is endless planning in my head. When I have task I have to do I must have a detailed plan on how I will accomplish that task. If I have a doctors appointment that is pretty much all I can do that day because it wipes me out. When I have to deal with rude doctors who dont understand and put me in the same category as everyone else it stresses me to the max. If I could have them live in this body for a week I can bet they would be begging for their life back. Their ability to jog or swim laps in a pool for an hour ah what a dream that is for me and when they tell me I need to do the same the anger wells up inside me.  Writing this blog helps me to try to make some kind of sense out of comments like that so does the fact that I will never see that doctor again.  I must admit most of the time I can't understand and truthfully I don't want to. What I learn is that I must continue to have compassion for others no matter their situation, no matter what I think they should or shouldn't be doing. It's not up to me just as it is not up to anyone else to tell me their opinion or to profile what I live with when they have no clue. As I pondered on this for so long it reminds me of the OOM doctor I had who was amazing not only because he helped me feel better but because he understood. He got it. He would tell me not to be so hard on myself and not push myself. He understood I really wanted to be like everyone else. He never made judgements or told me I didn't do enough. He understood chronic illness and did his best to help me and his patients feel better even on the days it meant you made it out of bed today. I struggle with doctors so much not because they say things they are suppose to but because I have a hard time keeping up with all I am suppose to be to them. In someways I don't think I will ever understand it but I'll keep on trying.

God Bless!

Dianne

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