Thursday, July 9, 2015

Medication Roulette.

I saw my Rheumatologist today and we discussed all the side effects I was having from the methotrexate injections. After talking for a few minutes we decided it is time to try a new medication. I have not tried this new med in the past so I have no idea the reaction my body will have but I am willing to take a chance and see if this is going to be the one. The one. What does that even mean? It has been not only physically draining for me the past few months but also emotionally stressful. Even though I am having some symptom control the side effects are another story. Symptom control but at what cost? The one. I would hope the one means that the side effects are not too debilitating. You think that when you start on a new treatment it is going to somehow magically change your life and the illness will magically disappear and life will be like it use to be. Well that doesn't happen and it tears you apart mentally. Medications give you relief but not a cure. I have been down in the dumps and gaining weight because the reality that this is going to go away fades every time I start a new treatment. It seems I go in and out of accepting this illness thing and the sadness of knowing this is what it is. If that makes and sense at all. Chronic illness doesn't make any sense, that's the problem. You push on, you hope, you do the best you can but it still has a funnny way of wearing on you. Now the uncertainty of a new drug is more mentally challenging. The what if's. The what if this one questions that run through my head. I'm going to keep an open mind on this and be thankful I am done with the methotrexate. What a blessing. My body hates that drug with a passion and to know that I don't need to take that ever again is a relief. You know it's bad when your husband even says that it isn't worth it to stay on it. The new drug I'm starting is called Leflunomide and it is a tablet so not more shots either. Yay! The doc said the two major side effects are diarrhea and hair loss. Just what a hairstylist with IBS wants to hear. Ha! Cracks me up how ironic life can be sometimes. It's all got to be some kind of sick joke I'm convinced of that now. I'm glad I have natural curly hair that makes it look thicker than it is and I'm really glad for Imodium. See there is a positive side to all that negative self talk after all. The next thing is working on my eating habits. My stress eating caught up with me when I stepped on the scale and gained seven pounds in eight weeks. What the heck? I just have to laugh but I also know I need to pull it back together and quit this emotional eating or I'm going to end up in deep trouble. This weekend I'm definelty working on a plan and quitting the emotional eating. One step at a time that is for sure. I took one of the new pills a few hours ago and all I can say right now is so far so good. I am hopeful this will be the one!

God Bless!

Dianne

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