Today a song came on from a group that wasn't my favorite but there were a few songs they sang that I liked one of them being the one blasting through the speakers as I drove to my swimming class. You can't always get what you want by the Rolling Stones. I listened and smirked as I always do listening to lav because almost every song reminds me of a moment in time or brings back a memory of someone I laughed with. We all know how those high school years were, no stresses except worrying about getting homework done and what everyone was doing that night.
The song was playing and I began to drift off in my head when they sang, you can't always get what you want, you can try sometime you just might find, you get what you need. I'm sure I was still smiling until I started thinking about how this applied to my chronic illness. When it comes to chronic illness you never get what you want, mostly you get what you don't want. I thought about what I would want. I thought to myself, just to be normal enough to have a real life. Just a week or ten with no pain. My mind wondered some more but then I thought about the fact that I could have no chronic illness but have a really crappy life. I feel fortunate for my life even with the chronic illness. If I was healthy maybe I would have a job I hated or a husband who was a total jerk. Luckily for me I only deal with the illness part. Even after all these years the struggle of illness is so raw and real. I've had a rough few months and I am trying to keep my head above water about it. You know the saying, If it isn't one thing it's another? That's how the past weeks have been for me. It was really beginning to drag me down. Last week I made the decision to stop allowing it to mess with my head so much. When I felt down I did something. Did it make it all go away? No, but it distracted my head from the chronic illness despair. The whole time that song played as I drove today I day dreamed until it was done. I realized I can't always get what I want but I do always have what I need. I have the best circumstances possible while dealing with all of this and I guess that's what I need. It seems so much easier writing this as I had a better day today, not sure how this would have came out had I written it last week. I'm going to carry that song in my head for the next few days. You can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find, you just might find, you get what you need, oh ya!, and I will know that is enough.