Well folks it is that time once again. Sing it, It's the most wonderful time of the year, or is it? People rushing around trying to make all those purchases they think will make their life, and the lives of others, oh so much better only to realize after they get something they want something bigger and better. That time of the year of eating like pigs and making New Years Resolutions you will never keep to lose all that fat. That time of the year for planning get togethers with people who really don't care about seeing one another but they have to do it because the world tells them to do so. That time of year we all are oh so nice to one another when we are in public but when it is all over we go back to being rude and obnoxious. Ah yes it must be the most wonderful time of the year. Don't get me wrong I know there are some people who do love this time of the year. Those who do like getting gifts and appreciate them all. Those who watch what they eat because they don't want to have to make those New Years Resolutions. Those who have close families who love to get together and they really do care about one another. Those who are kind in public all year round, there still are a few left out there.
I wonder if I have to list what all the stress of this month brings to a person with chronic illness. I can leave much to your imagination as to what happens and if you want further explanation just read some of my past blogs and insert HERE, times ten for some.
I have a friend who always made me laugh year after year and I never forgot how she would say it to me. "All that crap on television is so unrealistic. Everything is perfect. The food, the decorations, the happy people all getting along, that is not how it is at all. It is a big time of stress and arguing and fighting. Think about it the next time you watch one of those so called perfect commercials." Insert belly laugh here. How true! I thought about what she told me so many years ago and every time I see those commercials this time of the year. Over the years I have more and more realized how right she is. Scrooge? I don't think so. Just a realist who see's the world for what it really is. Am I a scrooge? If I had to answer that for myself I would have to fess up and answer, yes. Truthfully ever since one of my best friends and a man I loved dearly was killed on Christmas Eve many years ago I have questioned everything about life. The worst lost I had ever experienced and it had to happen on Christmas Eve, the most wonderful time of the year. For me not so much after that. A part of my heart died and was buried along with Tim, a part of my heart that had gave me hope for the future and after he died nothing ever seemed to be real to me anymore. I didn't then and I never will understand why he was taken. There really wasn't any reason as to why he had to go. I struggle with that one everyday. Yes, that was the year Christmas changed for me and I became somewhat of a scrooge. I remember it clearly like it was yesterday and I was 19 when he died. This year I will be 50 and the pain of losing him still makes this time of the year unbearable for me. I get through every year somehow with the help of Rich and the kids especially the little ones who bring back that excitement I use to know.
The focus. The focus for me at Christmas time is the hope I have and it comes from a tiny baby in a manger. If I did not have a faith in that birth many years ago I am not sure I could have made it through the most wonderful time of the year for so many years. Knowing I will see Tim again helps me to make it though another year of the most wonderful time of the year. I will make it the best I can and I will enjoy my immediate family to it's fullest, as always. We will celebrate the birth of our Savior and keep hope in what ever comes our way in the coming year. Like I always say, "God is good even when things are not so good." So bring on the cheer, bring on the stress I am armed and ready and it is all because of a tiny little baby!
God Bless!
Dianne
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