Pain doesn't just show up in our lives for no reason. It is a sign that something in our lives need to change.
Agree or Disagree? I read this yesterday and it made me think for a minute on it. This is what I came up with.
There was a time when I would have agreed. I would think that every time something bad happened or if someone else was in pain or suffering from health issues maybe there was a reason. I still believe that but now it takes on a much different view for me. My so called lense on life and suffering has become much clearer as I look out from my view. When I view others who suffer I cannot look at them and think there has to be a lesson for you to learn, mostly because I don't believe I have learned mine yet. How can I judge another when I can't even figure my pain out? It use to be easy to say there is a lesson in this or that when I was healthy but now it all seems more blurred and cloudy. Yes, I do see good coming from bad all the time. I believe becoming ill has helped me be more compassionate towards others, if that was even possible. I look around and watch people suffer in their own pain I wonder how in the world can I compare my outlook to theirs? Some become depressed so that means what? Their lesson is? My heart aches for these people I watch and at times it is easier to stay away from their pain because it radiates into my heart and I begin to suffer too. Selfish? Maybe. It is hard to explain to the real world. The world that lives on without a thought to what it would be like to live in pain or never feel well. The world that tells the chronically ill you are crazy or there is no way you can feel sick or be in pain all the time. When I read things that say, pain doesn't just show up in our lives for no reason. It is a sign that something in our lives need to change, I have to believe a perfectly healthy person wrote that because on weeks like this when my pain has been at a high level I cannot believe I would ever write something like that. Pain has a way of bringing you down and at times making you very angry. You want to blame anyone or anything and for me reading this lit some sort of fire in my soul. Who knows maybe the person who wrote this is ill and is at a place in time where they are feeling good. It is always easier to write and even believe in something like this quote in the good times but what about the bad times. I am wondering how my quote, and others, would read when they are in pain. I don't even want to try to write a sentence when I have weeks like this because I wouldn't even know where to start. Pain=shards of glass grinding my knees. Pain= shooting from other joints which make sitting unbearable. Pain= just plain sucks. I don't give a care about a lesson right now because I can hardly think beyond trying to get some relief. A lesson? How about I learned I am tired, tired from being in pain. Hows that for a lesson? I can hardly go on from there but then I think to myself, tomorrow or next Tuesday or Friday just maybe a lesson will be learned it somehow makes it a little easier, I think. Keep hope. I'm not trying to be negative here I am being realistic. It all seems so easy to everyone until it hits them. I hate to see people sick and suffering but on the other hand it brings me some sort of sick and twisted joy when I hear people say I don't know how you live the way you do everyday. I hate writing that because my core hates to watch and even know people are ill in any way shape or form. It's all so complicated and hard to put into words. One thing I will say is that, no matter what, I will not stop living or fighting. Yes there are the days you wouldn't mind it all ending but you go on. You fight. You look forward to getting out and trying to be normal in the world that doesn't understand. I am a slow learner. I will fight the pain and stay away from taking meds but then there are the days, sometimes many in a row, I have to give in. Yesterday I fought it all day and last night it hit me to take something. Its all like a big mind game that you are not even aware you are playing until you say to yourself dahhhhh. Today I will try to ponder on what I have to change because of the pain but I'm almost sure not much will come to mind. The day goes on as well as life goes on not just for me but for many who suffer. I hope in writing this the person who suffers doesn't feel so alone in this big world and on the other hand I hope the healthy can find it in their heart to understand, even if it is for just a moment.
God Bless!
Dianne
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