Sunday, February 2, 2014

Remembering the Good

I woke up this morning with a very creative mind. If you don't understand creative minds you will never understand this statement but if you do then you know how it is.You must do something to release that creativity. It doesn't matter what it is but you must unleash it or you will go crazy. I thought my release today was going to be a project I saw on Pinterest, where else? It was more of a preserving of something two very dear friends of mine gave me years ago. Peacock feathers. Yes real ones! Our friends had peacocks in their backyard and one time they gave me a bunch of feathers and I kept those things for all these years. I am guessing it was around twenty years ago Possibly? I cherished those things and every time I looked at them I remember where they came from, from people who have the biggest hearts and would do anything for anyone. I love people like that! I love them!  Well, long story short my attempt at being creative on canvas failed miserably today according to Steph, my middle daughter, who is so brutally honest. Yesterday she loved the idea I threw her way but today when she saw what I did with the feathers all I got was a, "Ya I guess I don't want one after all." Seriously? It's a good thing I have thick skin when it comes to her comments because shheww she can really through those pitches to me. But then again I do the same to her so I guess we are even, almost. Pretty sure I have damaged her much more than she will ever damage me, I am fifty one so the skin gets thicker every year. I must say that is one of the things I just love about her. I can ask her her opinion and it will be the truth without any sugar coating. Unlike Rich who, even when he doesn't like something always says, "I like it."

This has nothing to do with what I started this blog about it is just something that came to mind the other night and I have thought about it since but I can imagine it will all intertwine in someway by the time I am done. I was watching the old game show Match Game a few days ago. Remember that one? A panel of six goof balls have to match an answer with the contestant to try to get the win to go for the five thousand dollars. I'm pretty sure back in the seventies five thousand dollars was enough to buy a car, these days not so much. This show was one of my all time favorites of the best era's to grow up in. I sat there and laughed out loud a lot. The so called stars of that time who were on the panel were nut jobs. The things they did that made them all laugh cracked me up too. It wasn't like today where people looked for fun, it just happened. Slapstick to some degree and sheer stupidity at times. Then it struck me really, really funny when Richard Dawson took a drag off his smoke and then Fanny Flag did the same. Oh those were the days when you could do what you wanted without being put down or told something was wrong with you. If I recall it seems they even had clear glasses with a light brown substance in them at times unless that was tea, ya I doubt it. Now all we can show is sex on tv none of that other really bad stuff that can kill you. Really? I sat there after the show was done still laughing and thinking about all the crap nowadays that I just don't understand. I wish we could all be left alone to make our own decisions without someone there to judge us even before we are done with one sentence. The negativity that is out there pushes me more and more into my own solitude and my own comfort zone. The show made me think of our old friends, the ones we have been friends with for years, and how they are always the ones who are there for you the minute they hear you have something going on. The same happens to them, with us, if we hear they are struggling. You may not see each other as often as you use to but when you do nothing changes. No hard feeling, no rude comments about where have you been, just love and joy of old times and the moment you are spending with them at that moment. You savor them much more because you don't know how long it will be until you meet again. You catch up, you laugh, you pick at one another, and you leave with a joy in your heart. We are truly blessed with so many of these friends.

I like to try to connect my blogs to living with a chronic illness in some way each time I write them. I was wondering how I could relate this one and it just came to me. Simple but so huge for me. This past weekend Rich went to a friends cottage for the guys weekend away. They do this every year and it is something he looks so forward to. Me? Not so much in my own selfishness but I am happy for him. Friday my friend Julie called, the same one who gave us the peacock feathers, and told me she was having craft night with the girls on Saturday night if I wanted to come. I told her I would see, my answer to most invitations. I woke up yesterday not feeling great and decided to stay home plus it started snowing again and the driving would wear me out. I sent her a text to tell her I wasn't coming and as usual she was fine with it. I told her not to quit asking and she said don't worry she will never quit asking. I'm pretty sure to the healthy world a little sentence like I will never quit asking is not a biggy but to me it is monumental just as all the little things in life have become. My pain worsened as the day went on and by evening my knees were painful and swollen. I tried to figure out if this was some kind of a form of torture for saying no to going with the girls or if it was my way of feeling good about saying no. It has been over seven years of having to say no and disappointing people and I still struggle with it. There are people who understand, my true friends, and there are people who don't. I know who's on what side by now. I am grateful to each and everyone of those people who support me in my journey of illness. The good days and the bad but most of all I thank them for understanding and still loving and supporting me without taking it personally!

God Bless!

Dianne

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