Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Having it All vs. Wanting it All
This weekend Rich and I had a day all to ourselves and it sure was nice. Spring is brutal on both of us. Rich is so busy at work and gets home late very tired and worn out. He just wants to sit in the chair and relax with no one bothering him. I understand it, I really do, we have done this for twenty nine years so we are pretty use to the routine of the normal busyness of the business and the the extreme busyness of the business. I have been in the office when he is busy and when he is extremely busy and many times I have to leave because I can't stand it. I have no idea how he does it. I have never known a person in my entire life who works harder than that man. It is crazy. I think I have to leave because it breaks my heart to see him have to work so hard because I can't help by having a job. It isn't fair at all. When I ask him how he does it all he is ever says is, "I do it for you, and for us." I believe that to be true because I don't know how a person can survive what he goes through.
Ten years ago we were able to buy a portion of the business with five other people so since then he has even more passion for keeping the place afloat. It annoys the hell out of me how people think because you own a business you are automatically rich, like money falls off a tree in the back yard. It doesn't, believe me. You infest thousands of dollars, your own dollars I might add, and your return is a long, long waiting process. The money most small businesses make is money that is put right back into the business to keep the business going. The expenses of running a business, the taxes, the this, the that, are all put back into the business just to keep it running, especially in this day and age. I wish people could understand this. You have no clue until you invest your own money into something how much goes into it. It would astound most people, I know it did me. The reality hurts at times. It takes things away from people but then it also shows you what matters. Over the years we have both sat on the fence many times wondering if we made the right or the wrong decision investing in the business. Rich always comes to the conclusion that he bought, not only himself a job, but many others theirs. I am heart warmed when he speaks of going into business. Then he proceeds to talk about how many of his friends would have been out of a job, including friends, family members, and himself. Although he never really says much about himself. His concern was with helping his fellow co-workers. He considers them all people not just employees. I get angry when I see and hear people talk about bosses as if they are all jerks. I think to myself, after knowing many of the inside workings of a boss, they wouldn't have to be jerks if everyone did their jobs right. It is funny but looking from the outside in some people think you owe them because they work for you but in reality isn't it the other way around? When I worked my boss was the boss. I was happy to have a job and work for him. I did what he said, he was my boss. If we wasted money we paid back what we wasted. It wasn't like this throw away world we live in now or the you owe me world we have, sadly. What people/employees don't understand these days is every penny that is wasted on the job takes away from them. Takes away from their raise, their bonuses, etc. I watch my husband struggle to stay afloat, I watch him struggle financially, I watch him worry. I watch him not sleep. I watch him get up at three am in the morning to work on stuff he didn't get done at the office. It is hard watching him do this, "for me, for us," and it is hard listening to the world bash business men and businesses. The stuff no one knows about when it comes to running a business. I can get very angry so I will stop here.
This past weekend when we were taking a drive to look at our dream land that took us twenty nine years to get, on our day alone, I told Rich I had been thinking a lot since I packed up all our belongings which are now in storage. I asked him if he missed any of the stuff as he opened up the storage unit to put more stuff into an already full garage. He said, "No." I said, "Funny thing is either do I." We decided when we sell our house and we go through the packed boxes we are going to give most of it away. We have already given so much away and still have that garage full. I asked myself and him, "What is the point? Why do we need it?" We both decided we don't. Our excitement is having the land we have always dreamed of. Don't get me wrong we love where we are now. It is a beautiful home and we have both worked very hard to have it. It is just time to move on. Move on to what we really believe in, having less, but in the end actually having more. Less stuff to take care of, more time to be together. Less up keep on a house and property, more time sitting on the back porch with a drink. Little things. I know when you are young it is about getting and having it all but as you get older once you have it all you begin to realize it doesn't matter.
I also told Rich that as we age we have to think about our kids. When we die do we want them to have to come into our home and pack all the meaningless crap up that we collected over the years? We both agreed we don't. That is why we made the decision to live with less but live a life that is richer and better, a life that has nothing to do with the money, like the world tells you. Money is money. Yes, you need it to live but why else do you need it? Is it everything?
In the end as I look back becoming ill has taught me what really matters in this world. I have struggled with this for a long time. I use to chase all the stuff to some degree but now I could care less. The illness and fatigue prevent me from the chase and you know what? It's all okay. I don't miss it a bit. Our starting over when we sell our house is going to be a much different picture than the one we had when we moved into this house. All the stuff we worked so hard to acquire will not be with us. It feels good, it feels right, and it feels like where we are suppose to be. We are finally learning what really matters when it comes to the money side of life. Money isn't what it is all about. Now if the rest of the world could follow along with us it might be a better place to live. If we could all realize what we really need and what we really don't. I think we are on our way. Are you?