Positive living and support for others living with chronic illness. It isn't easy being sick in a world that doesn't understand. You are not alone!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
The Family and Relationships
A Family Is Like a Garden
A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If
these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower
garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another it is
like a storm that plays havoc with the garden.
When I read this last night it slapped me upside the head. It wasn't a bad slap or a very hard slap just some sort of a wake up call as to the truth about families and relationships. I read and reread it over and over each time thinking of another point of view that went along with this quote. You might think of it on the surface for what it is. Thats easy enough read, process a bit and move on. Simple but I am talking about really thinking about it and what it means for you. Think back and reread. Think some more. Hummm......
The first thing I thought of was the family as a whole, the big picture, my family, Rich's family and I then I thought about our own family. Rich and the kids and when we were in the stage of raising our children. I think we had a home that was a beautiful garden and we enjoyed one another. It wasn't perfect by any means, we had our struggles but there was always love. If there was one thing we all knew it was that we had each others backs. I have to believe that was especially true for me. When it came to my family don't mess with them, although there were those situations where I did keep my mouth when I shouldn't have but we all have those regrets. I think our garden was watered well and as I look at my immediate family now I see them giving and living a life of love, the life we tried to teach them about. What more could parents want? The garden is green and I am thankful for that. I know others struggle with this and it saddens me so. But then we must all live through the clouds and the rain to get to the sunshine. Either way you look at it as a storm or as sunshine you must learn to live with the choices you made for yourself and your children as they grew up. There was no manual so you did/do the best you can. Almost flying blind if you will. One of the hardest jobs in the world where you hope and pray the pay off leaves the world a better place. it isn't about success but about how you teach your children that life is not just about them but all that surround them. The garden, either lush or brown and withered, we all wonder at times if we did all the right things but we are human and do the best we can with what we have.
The second thing I thought of was how families can be torn apart. Torn apart by alcohol, abuse, and pure selfishness. It saddens me every time I think of the people I know who grew up in families like this. Whey innocent children have to suffer to the selfishness of adults who in reality had no business ever having children in the first place. Maybe they had parents who were selfish or had the same issues they had and they weren't able to break the cycle. Maybe they hurt inside so much from childhood hurts they can't move on so they find other ways to cope and their garden becomes dried up. I don't believe the sunshine isn't there waiting for them it is just a matter of them realizing it and grabbing hold of it. Some do and some don't. I still don't understand why people want to have children only to abuse them and make life a living hell for them. It never has made any sense to me and never will. The making of children is easy the raising them is the hard part. I grew up in a home where violence was never an option. I was told you don't allow anyone to hit you or be mean to you and if they do you run away from the as fast as you can. The only problem is that when I think of this I wonder how children are suppose to run away from abusive parents when either, no one wants them, or they have no where to run to. Why do people stay in abusive relationships? Why don't parents want to protect their children from the abuse. Why does one parent stay with the other who is abusive? Growing up as I did the questions will never be answered because to me there is only one option. To this day I would still give up my life for my children, no questions asked. I think our garden is lush and growing all the time. I know it isn't always that simple and I don't want to debate this. Yes, things change when your children grow up and move out but they will always be your children and you will continue to do anything for them no matter the price. I wish all children had this. I wish abused children didn't have to grow up feeling alone and lonely. I pray they learn to make their garden green even when their role models made the garden a mess. With that being said I have witnessed first hand how someone can take an abusive childhood and turn into something beautiful. It can be done. Does it ever all go away? I don't believe so but I believe some people are strong enough to take that mess of a garden and turn it into something beautiful.
The third thing I thought about was being married. Being married for me is all I ever wanted. I look back on the few guys I dated as I was trying to find my life mate. I remember most of them only wanted one thing and when they found out they weren't going to get it they never called me again. It was fine because in my heart and soul I knew they weren't the one. Believe some of them were real jerks. Then, I met Rich. We became friends for a few years before we even dated. I use to cut his hair and he would talk to me about the girls who broke his heart. I always felt so bad for him because he was searching for the same thing I was. Almost a year after we graduated we began dating and our friendship became deeper and we fell in love. The garden began to grow. All the storms we went through with other people brought us to one another and turned into an everlasting love. Easy? Not always that is for sure. If you have ever been married it isn't easy no matter how in love you are but if you take the storms and water them with your love you can overcome anything. You know you are meant to be together until your dying day to love and support to keep those flowers blooming even when it storms.
The forth thing I thought of was the storm that play havoc in the garden of life, illness. All the questions of why. All the suffering. All the never knowing from day to day what you are going to feel like. Having to learn to live a life over again so to say the least. Having to say goodbye to a lot of things, even people. Having to learn to be okay with whatever comes your way. It isn't easy BUT when you think deeply you begin to see the other side. The garden of your illness. The good that illness has brought to you. I'm pretty sure many would think there can't be any good in illness but there is. It is unexplainable and no one could understand it unless it happens to them. Goodness and love. Caring hearts that surround you. Realizing what matters in life and how meaningless the stuff that society tries to make you believe is what it is all about. It isn't. You learn what matters and your garden grows in a different way than most. I see my garden and it is full, I am blessed. Is it easy? No. there are the storms that hit that make me wonder if I can do this for ten, twenty, or thirty more year, but just as fast as those days come they are gone. The reason I call my blog Chronic Storms - Chronic Sunshine. Being ill isn't all roses but tucked in between the clouds there is a lot of sunshine to bask in.