Sunday, May 19, 2013

Keeping Positive When All You Feel Is Tired

I read this today and it struck me at the core of my soul. I have to admit I am a pretty happy and positive person but the other night it kind of bit me in the butt a little. For mother's day Steph and Vinnie got me a five year diary in which you can only write one line in it at the end of each day. It wasn't specific about what you had to write so my decision was that I was going to write one positive thing or one thing that I am grateful for each day. Simple enough but have you ever done this? On the third day I sat on the couch grabbed the diary, after a day of not taking time to think about what was going on around me, I stared into space wondering what the heck I was going to write. I sat and thought, and thought, and thought. I hate to admit it was the end of one of those days. I had been so busy and so exhausted I couldn't think of one good thing or one thing I was grateful for besides the usual things I am grateful for each day. I am trying to make it something new and different instead of the same entry each day. You know what I mean like the obvious things that I am thankful or grateful for. Ever since that night I have been haunted by the fact that I couldn't think of one thing to write. I was ashamed of myself and at the same time saddened that I wasn't aware enough to realize all the beauty that surrounded me on a daily basis that I really do take for granted. When I read the above, 'always end the day with a positive thought. No matter how hard things were, tomorrow's a fresh opportunity to make it better.' I wondered to myself why I had such a hard time that day. I believe it is because I am so worn out from trying to get ready to move and my brain and body are so exhausted that I really don't care right now. It is taking every ounce of my energy to keep the house picked up, waiting for calls to show the house, and trying to take care of myself that I am unable to see the beauty in much right now. I hate writing that. I hate that I had a day that ended in not being able to be grateful for one thing. I can't even remember what I ended up writing that day, probably something about Eva or something that may not have even been true.

I made a vow to myself the next day and everyday after that I am going to be more aware of all I have to be grateful for. I am opening my eyes more. I'm not going to allow this moving and selling the house to rob me of my joy. I watched Hunter and Addi for a while today and they reminded me of joy, love, laughter, and peace. Just what I needed. Tiring? Yes. Did I really need to add more to my plate right now? No. Did I enjoy it? Yes every minute. I believe it was all in the plan. The plan God had to help me to open my eyes and see the true beauty and all I have to be grateful for. Today's entry will be about my two little loves. How they know just what to say to me. If I didn't hear, "I love you Nana," once I heard it a hundred times. All the, "Remember whens," they remember that bring me/us joy. The 'remember whens' that I forgot. I am ashamed I forget them but I am sure grateful they remember so we can laugh together. I know there are days I feel horrible, most, but I also know there are the days that have so much good in them and it is just a matter of opening my heart, mind, and soul to see the real beauty in each of those moments. Believe me from now on I will not have a day where I won't know what to write in my diary because there are way too many good things that happen each day. I just have to open my eyes to see and remember them better. Sounds much easier than it is but I am making an effort. Life is short. It gets so easy to become negative when you are tired which in turn makes you forget what really matters, the simple things. I'm going to work on not forgetting anymore!

God Bless!


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