We have heard all the crazy sayings before from the old days as my children would probably put it. The straw that broke the camels back. The frosting on the cake. I've reached the straw and the frosting part for one last time this past week. It is time I begin, after fifty years, to take back my life or maybe even start to live the life I never lived. You see, when I grew up it wasn't about you or so I was told over and over as I watched it be about my brothers time and time again. No wonder I grew up to be a people pleaser. If someone needed something who did they call? Yup, good ole Dianne she a sucker and will do anything you ask. I think something has to change.
Last week my eyes were opened and I decided it was time for me to take charge. I will no longer allow people to dictate to me how I should live or what I should do or what I should have done in any given situation to make their life easier. I pondered and stressed over this decision as most of my life the drama came from family who decided I owed them everything, even my soul. I have realized no I don't. If that makes me a bad person then I'm a bad person. I don't care anymore. I have read over and over, never push a loyal person to the point of where they no longer care. THERE! I don't!
I am sitting here right now and I must say it feels good to take my soul back and do what is right for me, for once. No longer being used for others to say or do anything they want to me without any consequences. Nope I'm done. This week starts a new me. The new me who will no longer allow people to treat me or my family like we are second hand trash, unless they need something. Talk about the phrase, "I have had it," Well for me it is more like "I HAVE HAD IT." Shouting it from a roof top. I will no longer allow any garage in my life. Family or otherwise. It's true what they say that eventually the crap catches up with you and the crap others have forked out over the years is coming to a complete halt. I will no longer be here for everyone when they decide I need to be. I will be hanging with the good people and doing for the good people who understand that life isn't only about them and their needs. I've never understood people like that anyways probably because I was always being told it wasn't about me. That kind of shit can mess a person up real good. I know it isn't about me and it never was about me that's not in my dna but there are times a person has to take that rest and pull back only to refresh and be ready to give more goodness to the world. Plus my health is fragile I cannot afford anymore stress to compound all that I live with on a daily basis. Funny part is the people who treat me the worst are the ones who think I have no health issues what so ever.
The takers are gone. It feels good. I'm never going back to the senseless drama others impose on me I have better things to do with my time. It is so strange because my heart almost feels like a ton of bricks have been lifted and thrown across a field. The weight on my shoulders of rude, selfish, people is gone. I am making a vow to myself to now longer allow them to even speak a word to me. My physical or mental health do not deserve it. I do not deserve. Sad it took me fifty one years to get to this point but I am finally here. I will reserve all my goodness for the people who can give me, at least a little bit of their, goodness back. I have a few of those people in my life and I am thankful for them. Even the friends I don't see often who always make me feel special when I see them never once being rude or taking advantage of my goodness. Why do we have to put up with the other kinds of people. Is it because they are family? Really? Family treating people like that? I think if some of our so called family were our friends we would have ran a long time ago so why do we stay? Some odd sort of obligation? I don't owe anyone anything anymore. It has gotten to that level. The sad part is when you delete people out of your life it comes with a price. There are the times you have to lose others that you don't want to lose because of the ones you need to lose. If you don't do it the insanity will never end. Life will always have that brick following behind you by a rope. You want to cut that rope so many times but you just can't. Then there finally comes the moment when you get the courage to cut it lose. The breaking point has arrived. You do it and it is a relief. I am there and as I always say, "It is what it is."
God Bless,
Dianne
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