Here we are pretty much in the same state of affairs as we were when we first moved into Steph and Vinnie's house. It is going really well and I am thankful for the closeness we can share, not only in the space we live in, but in our hearts. I'm not sure how many kids would allow their parents to take over their basement, a bedroom, bath, and at times their kitchen. I'm not sure if I could do it as I like my space so for that reason I feel like we are intruding while Steph and Vinnie assure me we aren't. I even went so far as to look for an apartment for this very reason. Truthfully? I miss having a kitchen it is where a wife/mother spends 90% of her life, at least in our home. Then I wonder to myself would getting an apartment be more for me or for the reason I am feeling like an intruder. I never thought not having a kitchen would be that big of a deal but it is. I never thought be somewhat homeless would be so hard and dare I say almost depressing but it is. I feel like I am in the bottom of a pit stuck and unable to find my way out. We have been here for almost three months now and we were hoping by now we would have at least started on building our home. The weather here in Michigan has been brutal this year to say the least so being able to dig a hole for a basement is impossible. There's a lesson in all of this...right?
We are beginning to see a little light at the end of that tunnel and feel breaking ground might begin here in a month or less? It also depends on the load limits on the roads. With the ground becoming warmer there are weight restrictions as to how much weight a truck can haul so in turn the building supplies halted not only for us but many others. I wonder to myself how many other people building are living in a basement? Pretty sure not many.
I started a so called diet but I really want to say a new way of living. This time is it. I am not going to lose it only to gain it back once again. Change. Who likes it? I already feel like I am so unstable living in limbo. I feel stripped of all the "things" that matter to me. Oh believe me it's not much but "things" none the same. The things I miss are the art the grand kids made or something special one of the kids gave me as a gift. You know the "things" that you look at that make you smile and in an instant you can remember who it was from and when and why they gave it to you. Those are the "things" I live for. I do have a large picture of the kids here that they gave us at Christmas a few years back. It hangs in the bedroom by the computer so I can look at it everyday and remember the moment they gave it to me. I had no idea what so ever they had it taken of course the tears came. I love that memory. I love those people. They keep me going. The text I just got from Steph telling me when we lose weight we are both going on a shopping spree. Time together that has nothing to do with clothes. Moments in time we can never get back. I thought not having a place to call our own would be the hardest part mentally for me but now that I started this weight loss journey I think my worst enemy is my mind. You begin to filter more than just not having a place to call your own. You begin to go internally and pick yourself apart and at times others and past life circumstances. All the mindless eating I did in the past that covered up past hurts or past relationships that will never be mended. Life is what it is. I don't think we will really ever have it all figured out but someday, just maybe, we will. All of this piled on top of pain that never ends. Fatigue that is unbearable to say the least. It's a wonder a person can stay sane but I will. Did it before I'll do it again. I do believe it is in you all along it's just that sometimes you forget it and you have to be knocked back down in order to get back up.
In the end I don't think a diet is going to make my life perfect in fact I know it won't. I've been here before, lost, and still felt like a fatty. It's all internal. It's all about the goodness we leave wherever our feet might land even if we don't get it back in return. It's trying to be nice to the people in your life who make it very difficult to be nice. It's being kind to the lady in the store who makes some snide remark for some reason you will never understand. You smile and you move on. I am learning more and more with each passing day that most of the people who treat you like you are a nobody really are not happy with themselves. It really does have nothing to do with you. You live your life the way you want. No one has the power to dictate how you live or how you don't live. So, as I strive to be more healthy it isn't only an outside job it is an inside job. A job that only I can do and I will do. As Jim Carrey says in The Mast movie, "Somebody stop me." I'm not letting it happen! You?
God Bless!
Dianne
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Wake Up Call
L'Wren Scott. Does that name mean anything to you? Tom, Dick and Harry. Do those names mean anything to you? I watched the morning news this morning as they reported on the suicide death of L'Wren Scott. I had no idea who she was until last night when I heard she committed suicide. Apparently she was a designer so it is no surprise I had no idea who she was. The news reported of the suicide as a hanging on a door knob, who knows if that is true because you have to take everything the media reports with a grain of salt, either way she died a senseless death. They also said she may have been six million dollars in debt and didn't know if that could be one of the reason she thought death was the answer to ending her financial problems. I thought to myself how can money do that to a person but when you live a mediocre life you more than likely will never be able to figure that one out. Money to me is not that big of a deal food, shelter, a few extras is enough. I always wonder about the lives of the rich how things and trips and all the stuff that they think makes them happy really does. Then this happens. I wonder if she searched through her short life with money trying to buy the happiness when she had it all in the palm of her hand already. I wonder why she never stopped to realize it. Mick Jagger was her boyfriend. He has money, so I think. Why didn't she go to him and ask him to help her? Or even better why didn't she go to him and tell him she was struggling? Why do we hide our pain? The media also reported what a wonderful, kind person she was. Everyone said she was so gracious and giving which also led me to think of how we can fool everyone around us. How many people do we come across each and everyday that are suffering in silence? Do we ever take that minute to ask how someone is really doing? Do we ever read between the lines and ask, "Are you sure?" Nah we don't, we are too busy for that. You know what I mean. Just like the people whom I have heard say, "I saw her in the store but avoided her." Hummm really? Are we in such a sad state of affairs that we can't take a minute to care about someone? We don't have to fix them but we can listen. It isn't that hard. I wonder about all of L'Wren's friends who are telling the media she was so kind and seemed happy. I wonder if they ever took that extra minute after asking her how she was and gave her the chance to say, "NO I'M NOT FINE! LIFE SUCKS RIGHT NOW AND I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT." Just that simple extra five minutes or an hour off someones busy selfish schedule may have saved her life.
In all honesty I can write this because I know what it is to be the person that gets asked, "How are you doing?" I am the person who says, "fine," because I know people don't care. Brutally honest? Yup that's me. You see, when you are on the inside looking out at life you can be brutally honest. It feels like I live in my own little world while the rest of the world is out there living in that great big world. People looking in at me like the boy in the plastic bubble. Do people care? Yes, but it is a surface care. I'm not complaining at all it is fine. I have Rich he is my rock. A few close friends I know I can go to but who wants to bother them with my stupid stuff? In all honesty I may know how L'Wren felt just different circumstances and I'm pretty sure she felt the same way, who wants to hear about my stupid problems?
The whole point of writing this is not to help people understand how it is to be sick, physically and mentally, in a healthy world but to hopefully help people realize even the healthy looking people suffer. Take a minute, a second. Don't be the person who is talking after a suicide saying what a nice person someone was. Watch their body language, look in their eyes. You can see a lot of pain in someones eyes if you look close enough. We don't do these things enough. We are a world that has become to busy to care. Too busy checking our cell phones. Too busy being busy doing nothing. It's absolutely crazy. It's like a madness that needs to stop. If anything I hope this is some sort of wake up call to all who read it. I hope if there is someone around you today, tomorrow, this week or whenever, you are the one. The one who can read between the lines and save someones life because I know you can!
God Bless!
Dianne
In all honesty I can write this because I know what it is to be the person that gets asked, "How are you doing?" I am the person who says, "fine," because I know people don't care. Brutally honest? Yup that's me. You see, when you are on the inside looking out at life you can be brutally honest. It feels like I live in my own little world while the rest of the world is out there living in that great big world. People looking in at me like the boy in the plastic bubble. Do people care? Yes, but it is a surface care. I'm not complaining at all it is fine. I have Rich he is my rock. A few close friends I know I can go to but who wants to bother them with my stupid stuff? In all honesty I may know how L'Wren felt just different circumstances and I'm pretty sure she felt the same way, who wants to hear about my stupid problems?
The whole point of writing this is not to help people understand how it is to be sick, physically and mentally, in a healthy world but to hopefully help people realize even the healthy looking people suffer. Take a minute, a second. Don't be the person who is talking after a suicide saying what a nice person someone was. Watch their body language, look in their eyes. You can see a lot of pain in someones eyes if you look close enough. We don't do these things enough. We are a world that has become to busy to care. Too busy checking our cell phones. Too busy being busy doing nothing. It's absolutely crazy. It's like a madness that needs to stop. If anything I hope this is some sort of wake up call to all who read it. I hope if there is someone around you today, tomorrow, this week or whenever, you are the one. The one who can read between the lines and save someones life because I know you can!
God Bless!
Dianne
Friday, March 7, 2014
Chronic Pain for Idiots (the yellow book kind)
http://m.wikihow.com/Understand-Someone-With-Chronic-Pain
I just read an article called How to Understand Someone with Chronic Pain. It made me chuckle like most things do in life when it comes to living with pain but this chuckle was different. I'm not sure if it was a understanding chuckle or some sort of other chuckle. The explanation of understanding chronic pain on a piece of paper seems so much different then when you are actually living with, or maybe I should say in it, chronic pain. The link is above if you want to look at the actual hilarity of it all. I mean that in the nicest way.
It's the basic. You know they make it look like the person in the pictures is dying and not really enjoying life at all. I must disagree with that part of it not everyone living with chronic pain looks like they are living with chronic pain. I know when I go out no one can tell anything. We are the great pretenders because who wants to hear about our pain? The actual written parts of the article were pretty much spot on and every word I read was so relatable. In fact the whole time I read it, as I chucked, I thought to myself yup, yup, yup, uhuh. It just makes me wonder if a young person or anyone who doesn't suffer in pain 24/7 would really be able to understand any of the article as they read it. You can read all you want but as I always say until it happens to you, you have no idea. When I read the article I thought to myself hummm we need a yellow book called Chronic Pain for Idiot's. I could write it and I would be happy to sit hours with others who suffer and get their view on living with chronic people. The real people, the people who live it, not the people who study it and think because they know all the book work on chronic pain that they can write what we need to do or not do to make it better. The real people, suffers, who day in and day out cry, laugh, try not to complain, the ones that do complain, the ones who are bed bound, and the ones who are not. My list could go on and on but you get the picture. I'm pretty sure a study of the "real" chronically people in pain would take a very long time to write. Between deciphering all the different types of pain people live with, not to mention the emotional and physical toll it takes on each person seperately. It would take so long to interview and write all the stories because there is no way you could write about one person in chronic pain and lump everyone into the same big pile of facts from that one person. You can take two people with neck pain but they both experience it differently. Actually you could take 1000 people with neck pain and I can bet that same neck pain would affect each of them differently. This is where all the people who say or write things on chronic pain and do not live with it have no business doing so. Have they gone out and actually talked to people who live in their own pain? Pretty sure they haven't. I take offense every time I read or hear someone say something that is a cure or tells us we will feel so much better if we only..... My question is how do you know for a fact that is going to work for me? For my pain? Right now I am focusing more on the pain but I'm pretty sure I could write a whole other yellow book on the emotional toll chronic pain inflicts on a person. This may even be a much harder and deeper subject to talk to each individual about because we all experience that side much different also and for some this side is worse than the pain itself. Some of us are fortunate to have a close few who do get it, our pain to some degree so our emotional well being is at a level where we are happy and can function and not have to deal with the same things that others who have no support deal with. It has to horrible to deal with both and have no support. Then there are jobs and taking care of a home. Young mothers who must take care of children while hurting but hey the kids still get hungry, they still have to be changed or run from here to there. I could go on and on and on. It really could never end when you begin to piece ALL of the many pieces of chronic pain together. I understand because I live it so when someone tells me they are in pain I can go there in a heartbeat. I don't have to wonder how it is because I already know what it is doing to that person. no, I don't understand their pain, their own pain, but I understand the big picture. I just wish more people could understand more than what they believe is on the surface of living in chronic pain, that's all.
God Bless!
Dianne
I just read an article called How to Understand Someone with Chronic Pain. It made me chuckle like most things do in life when it comes to living with pain but this chuckle was different. I'm not sure if it was a understanding chuckle or some sort of other chuckle. The explanation of understanding chronic pain on a piece of paper seems so much different then when you are actually living with, or maybe I should say in it, chronic pain. The link is above if you want to look at the actual hilarity of it all. I mean that in the nicest way.
It's the basic. You know they make it look like the person in the pictures is dying and not really enjoying life at all. I must disagree with that part of it not everyone living with chronic pain looks like they are living with chronic pain. I know when I go out no one can tell anything. We are the great pretenders because who wants to hear about our pain? The actual written parts of the article were pretty much spot on and every word I read was so relatable. In fact the whole time I read it, as I chucked, I thought to myself yup, yup, yup, uhuh. It just makes me wonder if a young person or anyone who doesn't suffer in pain 24/7 would really be able to understand any of the article as they read it. You can read all you want but as I always say until it happens to you, you have no idea. When I read the article I thought to myself hummm we need a yellow book called Chronic Pain for Idiot's. I could write it and I would be happy to sit hours with others who suffer and get their view on living with chronic people. The real people, the people who live it, not the people who study it and think because they know all the book work on chronic pain that they can write what we need to do or not do to make it better. The real people, suffers, who day in and day out cry, laugh, try not to complain, the ones that do complain, the ones who are bed bound, and the ones who are not. My list could go on and on but you get the picture. I'm pretty sure a study of the "real" chronically people in pain would take a very long time to write. Between deciphering all the different types of pain people live with, not to mention the emotional and physical toll it takes on each person seperately. It would take so long to interview and write all the stories because there is no way you could write about one person in chronic pain and lump everyone into the same big pile of facts from that one person. You can take two people with neck pain but they both experience it differently. Actually you could take 1000 people with neck pain and I can bet that same neck pain would affect each of them differently. This is where all the people who say or write things on chronic pain and do not live with it have no business doing so. Have they gone out and actually talked to people who live in their own pain? Pretty sure they haven't. I take offense every time I read or hear someone say something that is a cure or tells us we will feel so much better if we only..... My question is how do you know for a fact that is going to work for me? For my pain? Right now I am focusing more on the pain but I'm pretty sure I could write a whole other yellow book on the emotional toll chronic pain inflicts on a person. This may even be a much harder and deeper subject to talk to each individual about because we all experience that side much different also and for some this side is worse than the pain itself. Some of us are fortunate to have a close few who do get it, our pain to some degree so our emotional well being is at a level where we are happy and can function and not have to deal with the same things that others who have no support deal with. It has to horrible to deal with both and have no support. Then there are jobs and taking care of a home. Young mothers who must take care of children while hurting but hey the kids still get hungry, they still have to be changed or run from here to there. I could go on and on and on. It really could never end when you begin to piece ALL of the many pieces of chronic pain together. I understand because I live it so when someone tells me they are in pain I can go there in a heartbeat. I don't have to wonder how it is because I already know what it is doing to that person. no, I don't understand their pain, their own pain, but I understand the big picture. I just wish more people could understand more than what they believe is on the surface of living in chronic pain, that's all.
God Bless!
Dianne
Friday, February 28, 2014
Pain Lessons for One and for All
Pain doesn't just show up in our lives for no reason. It is a sign that something in our lives need to change.
Agree or Disagree? I read this yesterday and it made me think for a minute on it. This is what I came up with.
There was a time when I would have agreed. I would think that every time something bad happened or if someone else was in pain or suffering from health issues maybe there was a reason. I still believe that but now it takes on a much different view for me. My so called lense on life and suffering has become much clearer as I look out from my view. When I view others who suffer I cannot look at them and think there has to be a lesson for you to learn, mostly because I don't believe I have learned mine yet. How can I judge another when I can't even figure my pain out? It use to be easy to say there is a lesson in this or that when I was healthy but now it all seems more blurred and cloudy. Yes, I do see good coming from bad all the time. I believe becoming ill has helped me be more compassionate towards others, if that was even possible. I look around and watch people suffer in their own pain I wonder how in the world can I compare my outlook to theirs? Some become depressed so that means what? Their lesson is? My heart aches for these people I watch and at times it is easier to stay away from their pain because it radiates into my heart and I begin to suffer too. Selfish? Maybe. It is hard to explain to the real world. The world that lives on without a thought to what it would be like to live in pain or never feel well. The world that tells the chronically ill you are crazy or there is no way you can feel sick or be in pain all the time. When I read things that say, pain doesn't just show up in our lives for no reason. It is a sign that something in our lives need to change, I have to believe a perfectly healthy person wrote that because on weeks like this when my pain has been at a high level I cannot believe I would ever write something like that. Pain has a way of bringing you down and at times making you very angry. You want to blame anyone or anything and for me reading this lit some sort of fire in my soul. Who knows maybe the person who wrote this is ill and is at a place in time where they are feeling good. It is always easier to write and even believe in something like this quote in the good times but what about the bad times. I am wondering how my quote, and others, would read when they are in pain. I don't even want to try to write a sentence when I have weeks like this because I wouldn't even know where to start. Pain=shards of glass grinding my knees. Pain= shooting from other joints which make sitting unbearable. Pain= just plain sucks. I don't give a care about a lesson right now because I can hardly think beyond trying to get some relief. A lesson? How about I learned I am tired, tired from being in pain. Hows that for a lesson? I can hardly go on from there but then I think to myself, tomorrow or next Tuesday or Friday just maybe a lesson will be learned it somehow makes it a little easier, I think. Keep hope. I'm not trying to be negative here I am being realistic. It all seems so easy to everyone until it hits them. I hate to see people sick and suffering but on the other hand it brings me some sort of sick and twisted joy when I hear people say I don't know how you live the way you do everyday. I hate writing that because my core hates to watch and even know people are ill in any way shape or form. It's all so complicated and hard to put into words. One thing I will say is that, no matter what, I will not stop living or fighting. Yes there are the days you wouldn't mind it all ending but you go on. You fight. You look forward to getting out and trying to be normal in the world that doesn't understand. I am a slow learner. I will fight the pain and stay away from taking meds but then there are the days, sometimes many in a row, I have to give in. Yesterday I fought it all day and last night it hit me to take something. Its all like a big mind game that you are not even aware you are playing until you say to yourself dahhhhh. Today I will try to ponder on what I have to change because of the pain but I'm almost sure not much will come to mind. The day goes on as well as life goes on not just for me but for many who suffer. I hope in writing this the person who suffers doesn't feel so alone in this big world and on the other hand I hope the healthy can find it in their heart to understand, even if it is for just a moment.
God Bless!
Dianne
Agree or Disagree? I read this yesterday and it made me think for a minute on it. This is what I came up with.
There was a time when I would have agreed. I would think that every time something bad happened or if someone else was in pain or suffering from health issues maybe there was a reason. I still believe that but now it takes on a much different view for me. My so called lense on life and suffering has become much clearer as I look out from my view. When I view others who suffer I cannot look at them and think there has to be a lesson for you to learn, mostly because I don't believe I have learned mine yet. How can I judge another when I can't even figure my pain out? It use to be easy to say there is a lesson in this or that when I was healthy but now it all seems more blurred and cloudy. Yes, I do see good coming from bad all the time. I believe becoming ill has helped me be more compassionate towards others, if that was even possible. I look around and watch people suffer in their own pain I wonder how in the world can I compare my outlook to theirs? Some become depressed so that means what? Their lesson is? My heart aches for these people I watch and at times it is easier to stay away from their pain because it radiates into my heart and I begin to suffer too. Selfish? Maybe. It is hard to explain to the real world. The world that lives on without a thought to what it would be like to live in pain or never feel well. The world that tells the chronically ill you are crazy or there is no way you can feel sick or be in pain all the time. When I read things that say, pain doesn't just show up in our lives for no reason. It is a sign that something in our lives need to change, I have to believe a perfectly healthy person wrote that because on weeks like this when my pain has been at a high level I cannot believe I would ever write something like that. Pain has a way of bringing you down and at times making you very angry. You want to blame anyone or anything and for me reading this lit some sort of fire in my soul. Who knows maybe the person who wrote this is ill and is at a place in time where they are feeling good. It is always easier to write and even believe in something like this quote in the good times but what about the bad times. I am wondering how my quote, and others, would read when they are in pain. I don't even want to try to write a sentence when I have weeks like this because I wouldn't even know where to start. Pain=shards of glass grinding my knees. Pain= shooting from other joints which make sitting unbearable. Pain= just plain sucks. I don't give a care about a lesson right now because I can hardly think beyond trying to get some relief. A lesson? How about I learned I am tired, tired from being in pain. Hows that for a lesson? I can hardly go on from there but then I think to myself, tomorrow or next Tuesday or Friday just maybe a lesson will be learned it somehow makes it a little easier, I think. Keep hope. I'm not trying to be negative here I am being realistic. It all seems so easy to everyone until it hits them. I hate to see people sick and suffering but on the other hand it brings me some sort of sick and twisted joy when I hear people say I don't know how you live the way you do everyday. I hate writing that because my core hates to watch and even know people are ill in any way shape or form. It's all so complicated and hard to put into words. One thing I will say is that, no matter what, I will not stop living or fighting. Yes there are the days you wouldn't mind it all ending but you go on. You fight. You look forward to getting out and trying to be normal in the world that doesn't understand. I am a slow learner. I will fight the pain and stay away from taking meds but then there are the days, sometimes many in a row, I have to give in. Yesterday I fought it all day and last night it hit me to take something. Its all like a big mind game that you are not even aware you are playing until you say to yourself dahhhhh. Today I will try to ponder on what I have to change because of the pain but I'm almost sure not much will come to mind. The day goes on as well as life goes on not just for me but for many who suffer. I hope in writing this the person who suffers doesn't feel so alone in this big world and on the other hand I hope the healthy can find it in their heart to understand, even if it is for just a moment.
God Bless!
Dianne
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
The World I Know
There is a song called The World I Know by Collective Soul. If you have never heard it you should youtube it and listen. It is so powerful. I have no idea why but as I sat on the couch last night trying to blur out the noise of the tv and the noise of life this song came to my mind. I was thinking about a lyric and all I could think of was the world I know. It took me a few minutes to find the song in my music head files but after a few minutes with my eyes closed and repeating the words the world I know it finally came to me. I couldn't think of the group that sang it but even that came after a few minutes. Collective soul quite an interesting name. Then I remembered the video that went along with the song. I ran to my ipod yes I am still ancient and use my ipod. Searched the group and wala there it was. If you know me and music I couldn't get to the song fast enough. I popped in the ear buds and pushed play. As soon as it began the lump in my throat formed and tears came to my eyes. Funny how powerful music, and many times the videos that go along with them, can do that to you. Music is my release. When I am feeling down I find a song. When I am feeling good I find a song. When I am sentimental I find a song. It never ends for me. I go to bed with music on my mind, wake in the middle of the night with music on my mind, and awaken with music on my mind. There are so many songs that connect me to people, places, and things I can never get enough. There are those songs when I hear them that make me think of a certain friend because of a memory and it always makes me laugh or at times cry depending on what person it is. I just plain love music and I know that is why it has such a powerful impact on my thoughts and my life.
I played and replayed the song/video a few times and the thoughts that came to my mind were almost overwhelming for me at the moment. As I sat there deep in my thoughts with no form of the real world around me, just my mind, I wondered. Has all the kindness gone from the world? I know it hasn't as I watch around me all the good that goes on but I am talking about the real kind of kindness. The kind that has no strings. The kind we don't have to brag about to everyone. The kind that isn't just for the small circle of people we come in contact with, you know our own comfort zone so to speak. We humans have a way of doing that you know. It's almost as if we forget about the needs out there and focus only on the close at heart but is that really what it is all about? I don't believe so. But then who am I? Just a drop in the muddy waters of life. A nothing to most people even to the ones who should care about me but don't. It's all irrelevent anyways. I stopped trying to figure all that out a long time ago and as the song says "Hope still lingers on."
Are we listening to Hymns of offering? Humm that one made me ponder for a few minutes. Hymns that we sing and often do not live. I wonder about this a lot. It makes no sense to me. Well, some carry them out in that small circle but I am once again talking about that BIG picture of all that surrounds us. Carrying them out when no one is looking and we just walk away after them. The kind that are between maybe the two people who were involved. The ones that make hearts sing with joy just for the sake of love. Hummmmm.
I wonder how many of us feel like the man in the video. I know I do. The times I look around and feel sad when I see what I see. Zombies in our own little worlds. Humm again. Then I wondered do I look like that when I am out in the world? Worse yet am I like that when I am at home alone doing nothing for anyone else. Walking in the dark cold world not seeing any color. The best part is when I get to that point where I am walking on the edge of not understanding someone something or someone helps me to see the good in the world. The color comes back and I have hope. Hope in a brighter future filled with love for all and no hatred for those who are different from us or for those who do not believe as we do. Sometimes that hatred makes me utterly crazy. I try to keep my eye on the colorful world even when all I see is the darkness closing in. When I have the darkness closing in on me I try to do something nice for someone who is not in my circle. I believe those little things matter in life so much more than doing something for the people you are always doing all those little things for. The times I see someone else do something nice for someone who needs it are the times that make me realize the color is always there I just forget to see it at times. It's funny how the realness of people shows the longer you get to know them. The ones who are genuine and doing things from their hearts vs the ones who try to impress everyone or maybe impress themselves? I don't know. We all get lost in the manatiny of life at times and begin to see the darkness, we are human we can't help it, but when we get to the edge that's the time! The time to make the color come back for someone else and surprisingly enough the color will come back to your life too and just maybe even brighter than you ever thought possible. Keep the hope!
God Bless!
Dianne
The World I Know
Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on
I drink myself of newfound pity
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why
Are we listening
To hymns of offering?
Have we eyes to see
That love is gathering?
To hymns of offering?
Have we eyes to see
That love is gathering?
All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding into one
Into one
Have now started the act of bleeding into one
Into one
So I walk up on high and I step to the edge
To see my world below
And I laugh at myself while the tears roll down
'Cause it's the world I know, it's the world I know
To see my world below
And I laugh at myself while the tears roll down
'Cause it's the world I know, it's the world I know
I drink myself of newfound pity
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why, I don't know why
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why, I don't know why
So I walk up on high and I step to the edge
To see my world below
And I laugh at myself while the tears roll down
'Cause it's the world I know, it's the world I know
To see my world below
And I laugh at myself while the tears roll down
'Cause it's the world I know, it's the world I know
Yeah, I walk up on high and I step to the edge
To see my world below
And I laugh at myself while the tears roll down
'Cause it's the world I know, it's the world I know
To see my world below
And I laugh at myself while the tears roll down
'Cause it's the world I know, it's the world I know
Are we listening to Hymns of offering? Humm that one made me ponder for a few minutes. Hymns that we sing and often do not live. I wonder about this a lot. It makes no sense to me. Well, some carry them out in that small circle but I am once again talking about that BIG picture of all that surrounds us. Carrying them out when no one is looking and we just walk away after them. The kind that are between maybe the two people who were involved. The ones that make hearts sing with joy just for the sake of love. Hummmmm.
I wonder how many of us feel like the man in the video. I know I do. The times I look around and feel sad when I see what I see. Zombies in our own little worlds. Humm again. Then I wondered do I look like that when I am out in the world? Worse yet am I like that when I am at home alone doing nothing for anyone else. Walking in the dark cold world not seeing any color. The best part is when I get to that point where I am walking on the edge of not understanding someone something or someone helps me to see the good in the world. The color comes back and I have hope. Hope in a brighter future filled with love for all and no hatred for those who are different from us or for those who do not believe as we do. Sometimes that hatred makes me utterly crazy. I try to keep my eye on the colorful world even when all I see is the darkness closing in. When I have the darkness closing in on me I try to do something nice for someone who is not in my circle. I believe those little things matter in life so much more than doing something for the people you are always doing all those little things for. The times I see someone else do something nice for someone who needs it are the times that make me realize the color is always there I just forget to see it at times. It's funny how the realness of people shows the longer you get to know them. The ones who are genuine and doing things from their hearts vs the ones who try to impress everyone or maybe impress themselves? I don't know. We all get lost in the manatiny of life at times and begin to see the darkness, we are human we can't help it, but when we get to the edge that's the time! The time to make the color come back for someone else and surprisingly enough the color will come back to your life too and just maybe even brighter than you ever thought possible. Keep the hope!
God Bless!
Dianne
Monday, February 17, 2014
True Beauty
http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/the-actual-difference-between-women-who-are-hot-and-who-are-beautiful/
Above is the link to the actual article. I wanted to make sure to give credit where credit was due. Below I copied the link and pasted here for you to read.
The Actual Difference Between Women Who Are Hot And Who Are Beautiful
Above is the link to the actual article. I wanted to make sure to give credit where credit was due. Below I copied the link and pasted here for you to read.
The Actual Difference Between Women Who Are Hot And Who Are Beautiful
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Women. We’re curvy, skinny, hood, pretty,
cute, ethnic, bad, dime pieces, unicorns, babes, pieces of tail, juicy,
fine, sexy, foxes, sultry, voluptuous… The list goes on.
When was the last time you heard a man describe a woman with an adjective that isn’t dripping in sexual innuendos and defaming premises? When was the last time you heard a man describe a woman by something that compliments her soul and her inherent elegance? When was the last time you heard a man describe a woman as beautiful?
There’s been a loss of respect when it comes to admiring women, shifting towards describing us as objects, rather than people. Men look at women as pieces of tail, “things” to be conquered, rather than appreciating women for their individuality.
A large portion of today’s men are momentarily allured by hair extensions, large chests, big bottoms and stilettos. They think sexuality comes in the form of bronzed skin, bikini waxes and fake eyelashes. They’ve been programmed to believe that any woman with a sculpted body and perky breasts is attractive.
What about the women who don’t want to indulge in the male fantasy? What about the women who just want to wear comfortable sweaters and flats? What about the women who don’t dress to impress the opposite sex, but instead, to just feel good in their own skin? Isn’t there attractiveness in that? Isn’t there an appeal to that sense of confidence?
When did women become forced to acquiesce to this standard, or otherwise get lost in the crowd? When did getting a man mean painting on layers of makeup and investing in mini skirts?
There is a certain type of man that continually defames women, judging us solely on sex appeal, they fail to see the actual grandeur of a woman. They miss the rare moments of natural beauty and uniqueness.
They don’t recognize that “hotness” doesn’t last past midnight, when the makeup has smudged onto the pillow and the hair extensions have been taken out. It doesn’t last when the spray tans have washed away and the tight dresses have come off.
It’s not real; it’s an illusion that’s been forcing women to conform to unhealthy habits for too many years.
It’s time these men are reminded of the difference between hot and beautiful. It’s time men realize that women have more to offer than just a body.
Women are stunning creatures, with assets and traits both unique and enchanting to each one of us, and it’s time we started showcasing our individuality and stop giving in to the illusion of sexy created by man. Beauty isn’t about wanting to f*ck her; it’s about wanting to be with her.
Hot is admired from afar; beauty is to be held.
Hot is perception; beauty is appreciation.
Hot is smokey-eyed; beautiful is bare-faced.
Hot is an appearance; beautiful is more than skin deep.
Hot is the way she moans; beautiful is the way she speaks.
Hot is a strong appeal; beautiful is strong mind.
Hot is youthful; beautiful is ageless.
Hot is conventional; beauty is unique.
Hot is a one-night stand; beautiful is sleepless nights.
Hot is a state of being; beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Hot is devious; beautiful is innocent.
Hot is bending her over; beautiful is baking her blueberry pancakes.
Hot is sultry; beautiful is wholesome.
Hot is her curves; beauty is her nerves.
Hot is a text message; beautiful is a love letter.
Hot is a facade; beautiful is a woman.
Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It
I read this on a friends facebook -page today and it hit me at home, right in my heart. I never understood and never will understand why people spend so much money on beauty to either get, keep, or whatever for a man. I think if you are yourself, the same person you were when you met someone, it can last a lifetime. Good article either way and makes you think a little. Too bad not many men will take the time to read it but I'm pretty sure the women will.
This hit me because the other night Rich and I went to dinner at our go to restaurant, The Grand Villa for our usual burritos and chips and salsa. When we got there Rich dropped me off at the door like he always does, such a gentleman. I went in and what a surprise a table was ready. It was Valentines Day so we wondered but then again it was 5:00pm so um ya. We always joke our date night is almost always The Villa and a trip to Costco, every two weeks whether we want to go or not and early like two old people trying to get the early bird special. It is our thing and we both love it neither one of us would change it for anything! Anyways back to being seated. I told the young lady 2 of us in a booth over by the bar please and she grabbed the menus and took me over there while my mind was telling me to wait for Rich but I figured he would find me. I sat there and sat there watching for him, nothing. Of course my anxiety kicked in, what if, what if, what if? I do not like public if he isn't by my side unless I am grocery shopping and then I am on an in and out mission. I could never live without this man. After what seemed like an eternity sitting there he was walking towards me with that big smile on his face while he unzipped his coat and sat down. In my usual fashion I told him I was getting worried because it took so long. I figure after so many years together you are able to say whatever comes to mind no matter what the situation. This tends to get me into trouble in so many situation but oh well I'm fifty now so deal with it. I'm not sure what excuse I used all the other years but I like saying I'm fifty for some reason. Then I asked him how he found me and he said in the most common voice ever, "I just told the lady I was with the beautiful blonde." Ahhhhh brownie points for at least a week with that one and he was going to be a happy man when we got home. Hahaha! That is too funny. Believe me it isn't like he doesn't tell me he thinks I am beautiful all the time but this was different. I looked at him and smiled and told him, "Oh my gosh you did not!!!" He was just like, "What?? Yes I did!" beaming from ear to ear. I don't know why it sounded different this time. Was it because it is winter and cooped up in Steph and Vinnie's basement is driving me bonkers? Could be but not sure all I know is I needed to hear that at that moment.
This is what I don't understand about men. The superficial kind. They complain they never get any or can never find a nice woman but they never take that minute to say a couple simple words like, "You are beautiful" or "I'm the luckiest guy in the whole world." Little words that carry so much weight in starting a relationship or keeping it going in an ongoing love affair. Believe me things are not perfect between Rich and I but we have a healthy appreciation for one another which allows those little words to roll off our tongues once in a while and keep the fires burning. So when I read this article today it hit a high note with me and I hope other people will take a minute to read between the lines. Men like to hear they are special too so don't forget that women!
God Bless!
Dianne
When was the last time you heard a man describe a woman with an adjective that isn’t dripping in sexual innuendos and defaming premises? When was the last time you heard a man describe a woman by something that compliments her soul and her inherent elegance? When was the last time you heard a man describe a woman as beautiful?
There’s been a loss of respect when it comes to admiring women, shifting towards describing us as objects, rather than people. Men look at women as pieces of tail, “things” to be conquered, rather than appreciating women for their individuality.
A large portion of today’s men are momentarily allured by hair extensions, large chests, big bottoms and stilettos. They think sexuality comes in the form of bronzed skin, bikini waxes and fake eyelashes. They’ve been programmed to believe that any woman with a sculpted body and perky breasts is attractive.
What about the women who don’t want to indulge in the male fantasy? What about the women who just want to wear comfortable sweaters and flats? What about the women who don’t dress to impress the opposite sex, but instead, to just feel good in their own skin? Isn’t there attractiveness in that? Isn’t there an appeal to that sense of confidence?
When did women become forced to acquiesce to this standard, or otherwise get lost in the crowd? When did getting a man mean painting on layers of makeup and investing in mini skirts?
There is a certain type of man that continually defames women, judging us solely on sex appeal, they fail to see the actual grandeur of a woman. They miss the rare moments of natural beauty and uniqueness.
They don’t recognize that “hotness” doesn’t last past midnight, when the makeup has smudged onto the pillow and the hair extensions have been taken out. It doesn’t last when the spray tans have washed away and the tight dresses have come off.
It’s not real; it’s an illusion that’s been forcing women to conform to unhealthy habits for too many years.
It’s time these men are reminded of the difference between hot and beautiful. It’s time men realize that women have more to offer than just a body.
Women are stunning creatures, with assets and traits both unique and enchanting to each one of us, and it’s time we started showcasing our individuality and stop giving in to the illusion of sexy created by man. Beauty isn’t about wanting to f*ck her; it’s about wanting to be with her.
Hot is admired from afar; beauty is to be held.
Hot is perception; beauty is appreciation.
Hot is smokey-eyed; beautiful is bare-faced.
Hot is an appearance; beautiful is more than skin deep.
Hot is the way she moans; beautiful is the way she speaks.
Hot is a strong appeal; beautiful is strong mind.
Hot is youthful; beautiful is ageless.
Hot is conventional; beauty is unique.
Hot is a one-night stand; beautiful is sleepless nights.
Hot is a state of being; beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Hot is devious; beautiful is innocent.
Hot is bending her over; beautiful is baking her blueberry pancakes.
Hot is sultry; beautiful is wholesome.
Hot is her curves; beauty is her nerves.
Hot is a text message; beautiful is a love letter.
Hot is a facade; beautiful is a woman.
Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It
I read this on a friends facebook -page today and it hit me at home, right in my heart. I never understood and never will understand why people spend so much money on beauty to either get, keep, or whatever for a man. I think if you are yourself, the same person you were when you met someone, it can last a lifetime. Good article either way and makes you think a little. Too bad not many men will take the time to read it but I'm pretty sure the women will.
This hit me because the other night Rich and I went to dinner at our go to restaurant, The Grand Villa for our usual burritos and chips and salsa. When we got there Rich dropped me off at the door like he always does, such a gentleman. I went in and what a surprise a table was ready. It was Valentines Day so we wondered but then again it was 5:00pm so um ya. We always joke our date night is almost always The Villa and a trip to Costco, every two weeks whether we want to go or not and early like two old people trying to get the early bird special. It is our thing and we both love it neither one of us would change it for anything! Anyways back to being seated. I told the young lady 2 of us in a booth over by the bar please and she grabbed the menus and took me over there while my mind was telling me to wait for Rich but I figured he would find me. I sat there and sat there watching for him, nothing. Of course my anxiety kicked in, what if, what if, what if? I do not like public if he isn't by my side unless I am grocery shopping and then I am on an in and out mission. I could never live without this man. After what seemed like an eternity sitting there he was walking towards me with that big smile on his face while he unzipped his coat and sat down. In my usual fashion I told him I was getting worried because it took so long. I figure after so many years together you are able to say whatever comes to mind no matter what the situation. This tends to get me into trouble in so many situation but oh well I'm fifty now so deal with it. I'm not sure what excuse I used all the other years but I like saying I'm fifty for some reason. Then I asked him how he found me and he said in the most common voice ever, "I just told the lady I was with the beautiful blonde." Ahhhhh brownie points for at least a week with that one and he was going to be a happy man when we got home. Hahaha! That is too funny. Believe me it isn't like he doesn't tell me he thinks I am beautiful all the time but this was different. I looked at him and smiled and told him, "Oh my gosh you did not!!!" He was just like, "What?? Yes I did!" beaming from ear to ear. I don't know why it sounded different this time. Was it because it is winter and cooped up in Steph and Vinnie's basement is driving me bonkers? Could be but not sure all I know is I needed to hear that at that moment.
This is what I don't understand about men. The superficial kind. They complain they never get any or can never find a nice woman but they never take that minute to say a couple simple words like, "You are beautiful" or "I'm the luckiest guy in the whole world." Little words that carry so much weight in starting a relationship or keeping it going in an ongoing love affair. Believe me things are not perfect between Rich and I but we have a healthy appreciation for one another which allows those little words to roll off our tongues once in a while and keep the fires burning. So when I read this article today it hit a high note with me and I hope other people will take a minute to read between the lines. Men like to hear they are special too so don't forget that women!
God Bless!
Dianne
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Am I the Winner or the Loser?
Congratulations you are the proud owner of Osteopenia, high blood pressure, and trigger finger. It is always so much fun to add to my list of ailments. I'm only 51 for gosh sakes- really? I look around at friends of mine and when I do I know they have issues too, after all everyone suffers from something, but for me when I look around at others my observations are much different than most others who look around in their world. Well, unless they are suffering from one pain in the butt to another. I compare myself to others my age or older and I am not at all like them. Physically speaking. I can't do the things other people my age can and it can be painful watching others live the life I should be living but can't.
I had a physical last November with a new doctor who is very, very on top of things. She has taken such good care of me so far that I am wondering about all those wasted years of seeing doctors who would look at me and ask, "What do you think it is?" Or "What do you want to do?" Really? I'm my own doctor? On the other hand I have had a couple of wonderful doctors too so it is unfair to stick them all into the same huddle but as I recall there are only two other really good ones. The good news it that I am officially off all arthritis meds and therefore no longer need to see on of my faves Dr. Key. I have also decided to stop seeing the other great doc, my Neuro Dr. Glisson. I feel since I am trying to manage illness on my own I don't really need to waste their time or mine and that means there will be extra appointments open for those who need to get in. Of course I know I can call either of them anytime and have been told that on several occasions. I hope I won't need to!
The new plan. What is that? I'm really not sure yet and just in the beginning stages of researching what I am planning to do. I have begun to take Viactive chews for my calcium/bone loss in hopes that I do not lose anymore bone mass. Weight bearing exercise which is hard for me but I am trying to keep upright and will begin to walk more when it warms up outside. I am unable to walk now because of the icy roads and my tendency to fall almost every time I step outside. I am laughing wondering if Steph and Vinnie's neighbors are chuckling at the show every time I go away. Ha I laugh too. What else are you gonna do cry? Nah it isn't worth it. High BP, started a med and hoping when I start to walk it will go down and I can get off that too. Bad part for me is it runs in the fam and my mom has Afib so doc is worried about that. Understandable. Trigger finger? Ouch! Might need to go get a steroid shot to relieve the pain and in hopes it doesn't get worse. I'm still dealing with foot issues and the tennis elbow but those have almost become a way of life. Other joint pains that plague me but its all okay. I still cannot believe how you adjust to pain. I already use my mind and breathing at times to control pain because I hate taking pain meds and avoid them at all cost. I stopped drinking coffee which for me was bad. I used more cream and sugar then coffee and I am shocked that I have lost ten pounds just by that one little change. I have switched to tea with honey. I have got back to taking my multi vitamin and I also added B complex to that. I am checking on other supplements as well like tumerac but I have not done enough research to just start them on a whim. The way I look at it is that if I make small changes now one at a time they will all add up to one large change eventually. Hopefully.
I must confess even with as much relief that I got from the meds by being on them I am now feeling much better benefits by being off them. The biggest thing is that my head is clearer. I can think better and I don't feel like my head is in the clouds. I am still fatigued but at least not as bad as I was, I think? My hope is to get this unbearable fatigue to go away. Pain, I can take, fatigue not so much. Side effects from the meds were awful and now that I am off them I keep asking myself why do I want to take something that helps the pain but makes me sick? You can believe it or not but since I went off the meds last August I have not had one migraine headache. Lord please do not let this bite me in the butt tomorrow! Why do I want to put poison in my body that does that to me? ME! Yes ME! I am not writing this for anyone else to feel bad about taking drugs we all need to do what we need to do. I feel fortunate I am where I am. When I first decided to go off the drugs I wondered how much worse my life was going to be but never really thought about how much better it could be. Why do we do that to ourselves? Right now, today, I am good. I feel like I can win this battle and I hope and pray I can. If not who knows what the future brings we all have to live one day at a time anyways so for now I live in this moment. Point is I am trying. I am finally taking charge instead of allowing other people to be in charge for me. It feels so good! I have a long road ahead of me but I know I can do it one step at a time! I will be the winner at this game!
God Bless!
Dianne
I had a physical last November with a new doctor who is very, very on top of things. She has taken such good care of me so far that I am wondering about all those wasted years of seeing doctors who would look at me and ask, "What do you think it is?" Or "What do you want to do?" Really? I'm my own doctor? On the other hand I have had a couple of wonderful doctors too so it is unfair to stick them all into the same huddle but as I recall there are only two other really good ones. The good news it that I am officially off all arthritis meds and therefore no longer need to see on of my faves Dr. Key. I have also decided to stop seeing the other great doc, my Neuro Dr. Glisson. I feel since I am trying to manage illness on my own I don't really need to waste their time or mine and that means there will be extra appointments open for those who need to get in. Of course I know I can call either of them anytime and have been told that on several occasions. I hope I won't need to!
The new plan. What is that? I'm really not sure yet and just in the beginning stages of researching what I am planning to do. I have begun to take Viactive chews for my calcium/bone loss in hopes that I do not lose anymore bone mass. Weight bearing exercise which is hard for me but I am trying to keep upright and will begin to walk more when it warms up outside. I am unable to walk now because of the icy roads and my tendency to fall almost every time I step outside. I am laughing wondering if Steph and Vinnie's neighbors are chuckling at the show every time I go away. Ha I laugh too. What else are you gonna do cry? Nah it isn't worth it. High BP, started a med and hoping when I start to walk it will go down and I can get off that too. Bad part for me is it runs in the fam and my mom has Afib so doc is worried about that. Understandable. Trigger finger? Ouch! Might need to go get a steroid shot to relieve the pain and in hopes it doesn't get worse. I'm still dealing with foot issues and the tennis elbow but those have almost become a way of life. Other joint pains that plague me but its all okay. I still cannot believe how you adjust to pain. I already use my mind and breathing at times to control pain because I hate taking pain meds and avoid them at all cost. I stopped drinking coffee which for me was bad. I used more cream and sugar then coffee and I am shocked that I have lost ten pounds just by that one little change. I have switched to tea with honey. I have got back to taking my multi vitamin and I also added B complex to that. I am checking on other supplements as well like tumerac but I have not done enough research to just start them on a whim. The way I look at it is that if I make small changes now one at a time they will all add up to one large change eventually. Hopefully.
I must confess even with as much relief that I got from the meds by being on them I am now feeling much better benefits by being off them. The biggest thing is that my head is clearer. I can think better and I don't feel like my head is in the clouds. I am still fatigued but at least not as bad as I was, I think? My hope is to get this unbearable fatigue to go away. Pain, I can take, fatigue not so much. Side effects from the meds were awful and now that I am off them I keep asking myself why do I want to take something that helps the pain but makes me sick? You can believe it or not but since I went off the meds last August I have not had one migraine headache. Lord please do not let this bite me in the butt tomorrow! Why do I want to put poison in my body that does that to me? ME! Yes ME! I am not writing this for anyone else to feel bad about taking drugs we all need to do what we need to do. I feel fortunate I am where I am. When I first decided to go off the drugs I wondered how much worse my life was going to be but never really thought about how much better it could be. Why do we do that to ourselves? Right now, today, I am good. I feel like I can win this battle and I hope and pray I can. If not who knows what the future brings we all have to live one day at a time anyways so for now I live in this moment. Point is I am trying. I am finally taking charge instead of allowing other people to be in charge for me. It feels so good! I have a long road ahead of me but I know I can do it one step at a time! I will be the winner at this game!
God Bless!
Dianne
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