Out of Balance

I don't know why but lately I have been feeling so out of balance. It is hard to explain to the busy world what out of balance means, some people get it but many don't. One of the problems is I am so fatigued I cannot think straight. I have been sleeping but adding being busy on top of my usual life wears on my soul just as much as it does on my body. Ahhh, my body, add that to the mix and the physical/mental foundation crumbles rather quickly. I have written many times about my foot problems. It is always a problem I am dealing with but when I am on my feet a lot it swells up even more than when I'm living my usual life. The pain takes over and it is exhausting. BUT, thankfully the foot doctor tells me nothing is wrong so I will have deal with this 'for the rest of my life???' Cool! Thanks Doc! Then there is the ovarian cyst that is bothering me again. The past few weeks it has reared its ugly head, not as bad as last time, but the pain is there. I now have figured out the pain that I have had in my hip area for the past 3-4 or more years, lost count somewhere on how many years, is not my hip at all it is this cyst crap. BUT, thankfully it is no big deal according to my docs so buck it up and live with it. I'm so glad I have such good care from people who have no idea what it is like to live with all of this. These two issues are on top of all the other daily pain BUT oh well, I'm fine. Truthfully I am hopeful to see my Rheumetologist in a month so I can hear what she has to say. She always has the answers and if she tells me I'm fine then I will carve it in stone and go on from there.
What next?

A month ago I joined the yoga class by my home hopeful and excited. It is totally different than the one I was attending elsewhere. The first week I was sore, my neck was very painful, but I kept telling myself it will get better. I have been back three more times since and my neck is no better. I'm not quitting. I am going to hold onto the hope that eventually it will get better but I feel, for me, this class is way to intense and when my pass runs out I may need to find a different class to join. I'm not sure what but I need something. It is not easy for me to motivate myself when I am at home alone. I would much rather putz around and accomplish nothing then go on the treadmill or do a video. My goal this week is to at least do some yoga here. With my cyst any movement hurts so I am afraid if I go to class I am really going to be hurting. It is a circle of hell that never ends. This is why I feel so out of balance. When my body isn't doing ok, whatever ok is, I am out of whack on so many different levels. I feel horrible about myself, which in turn makes me feel depressed and the list goes on and on. I know this isn't good for me on any level at all. I must work on pulling myself out of the big black hole. It isn't easy. Other issues that weigh heavy on me are also dragging me down. I hate being out of balance since I am usually so on top of things. I do know, it will get better. I have been here before. I have pulled myself out of the black hole and made it back into the light. It will come the hard part is getting there.

Right now as I write I made the decision to go get my workout cloths on and pop in that yoga video. It maybe the yoga video for people over ninety but hey the most important thing is that I am doing it. I have to learn to give myself kudo's for the little achievements I make, starting today! Self talk. Positive talk. Yoga. Meditation which I am horrible at but learning. Relaxing and knowing it is all okay. The more I realize that and give myself the positive talk the more in balance I become. Here's goes nothing...

God Bless!

Dianne